yogachic

So, some of you may have seen my posts from yesterday and today. I don't drink during the week but have had a tough time of forcing myself to not fully indulge on wknds. Usually I can easily down 1-2 bottles of wine alone while listening to music or checking out art stuff online. If I'm out and drink socially, I can easily have 1-3 drinks and everything is fine. The social nights sometimes end with me wanting and having more when I return home. I don't have kids and I'm not married or in any serious relationship. When I'm working, I never even want to drink the night before, even on wknd jobs. Only when I know I have no responsibility the following day, do I let go, sometimes too much... which was my original reason for coming here. Wanted to get the binge drive under control. It's never been a safety or responsibility issue for me.

I came here wanting ways to get a grip and for better understanding of why I feel that desire of at least 6-8 drinks if alone and up to that after I've been out with other people and we're drinking.

I have read a lot here over the past 2 days and am starting to feel like maybe I'm not in the right place for what I seek. I would like to be able to go have a few drinks with friends and I know that that part of things isn't the problem. My problem comes on after I get home and am alone or when nothing is going on outside and I end up alone on a wknd night. That's when I tend to go for sometimes up to 1-2 bottles of wine for myself.

I want to cut back and find ways to keep real with myself about that. After reading a lot here, I don't think I can say that I have a disease or that I'm headed toward severe alcoholism. I never take it to the point of blacking out, I am always aware and know that I won't ever drive drunk, I cut off communication via phone and online after a few drinks b'c I don't want others to have to deal with someone who is drunk, etc.

I just don't know where I stand here. Is this site more for people who cannot stop? I had the thought a few days ago that I may not be able to stop my binges if I want to... but after reading here, my 1-2 bottles on the weekend seem kind of minute.

Any ideas? Or links to places that may suit my needs better? I feel dumb for butting into a place where I may not even belong. Thx for all of the positivity so far though... some of you guys have amazing stories of strength and I have learned a lot just by reading for 2 days!

Thx!

Dee74

If your drinking is causing you problems, I think you're in the right place Yogachic (I did move your thread tho)

There's a lot of binge drinkers here...I was one myself once.

I don't really see a difference between drinking only at weekends and drinking all day everyday, I'm afraid, and I did both.

One was simply a progression of the other.

I could never find a way to drink normally...tho I looked for it for 20 years.

Sometimes I lucked out and managed it, especially in the early years, in public, but never with any lasting precision or consistency, and almost never when I drank alone.

I don't blame you if you don't want this to be a good fit for you, but I think you're in the right place YC.

D

yogachic

Thx. I want answers and solutions... I guess more than fitting in, I just want to find a smarter way to deal with myself.

What you said about finding a "normal" way to drink is where I'm at now. I see that the people I'm out with seem to be able to go home and sleep after our few drinks together... but when I get home, alone, I typically want to reflect over another few drinks, on what a good night it was, who I've met, cool people & experiences, etc.

Or if I'm alone from the beginning of the wknd night, I want to let loose a bit & check out some new artsy/music stuff and try to at least feel social. But then end up drinking almost 2 bottles to myself - much more that is normal, I guess. Most people would be able to enjoy a few glasses of wine and be done with it, but I have to get the whole bottle, usually without even thinking of how I feel the alcohol at all. I've done a few times where I really make a conscious effort to feel the alcohol effect and I do stop way earlier than I do when my attention is on the music or art... maybe that is my key.

It's a weird mix. I think for me it comes down to not wanting to feel lonely or out of touch with the active scene...

Thx for your post, I'm thinking about all that you said.

Happier

I agree with Dee. Drinking was a progression thing for me as well. I assume most of us were right where you are at some point. Question may be, "Where do you want to be a year from now?"

I doubt that you'll get a lot of advice about how to moderate or drink "normal". Most of us tried that but failed. Maybe you can do it...... but maybe not. (kind of a scary gamble to find out though)

Wishing you the best. Good for you for just checking in and posting. Keep reading and posting. : )

artsoul

It took me a long time to realize I had an issue with alcohol. What did it for me was not being able to follow through on my intentions to cut back, just have a few, or whatever. At the time I was only drinking 3-4 beers several nights a week, but I put myself into treatment because I realized I wasn't able to stay away from it on my own.

I think it's hard for any of us to imagine being an alcoholic. It's also hard to see the signs at first. I think you're doing the right thing by asking questions and looking honestly at your drinking. You're concerned or you wouldn't be here, and that's enough reason to look into it.

yogachic

Happier, thx. I agree and that's why I wanted to check this out. The thing is, I'm 40 and have actually chilled a lot since my party years. My 20's and early 30's were several times per week with the drinking and frequently accompanied by all night drinking/coke parties at my house. People parked in our front lawn til the next evening, sometimes the party rolling over into that next night for another full-on party blow out. I smoked pot daily, usually at least 1 whole j for just myself. It was excessive and ridiculous, for years running. And I was aware of how excessive and ridi it was, even at the time.

I don't smoke now, don't ever miss it and didn't even try to quit, I just don't want it. Other friends smoke around me and I never get the urge. Coke isn't my thing at all, never really was altho when it was there in the scene, I wanted to be part of it, so I did it and could do it all night if things were rolling. After a certain group of friends fell into my past due to time and people moving, etc, so did my coke experiences.

(Yes, I am super grateful that I got lucky and don't miss any of that. I know that some people do not have it easy at all with it. I feel like kind of a bitch even saying how easy it was for me to stop. But, it's b'c I want help with ending the alcohol binge stuff, that I mention the other crap at all.)

I work in the entertainment/creative industries and drinking is so everywhere during meetings with new and current clients. I want to be able to go back home after meetings or gatherings and be done with the feeling of wanting MOAR alcohol. I want to peace and contentment and not have the desire to drink and drink, when I am trying to chill on my own if nothing much is happening outside when I'm home alone for a wknd nite.

I feel like all of this sounds silly here b'c I've just read a bunch of challenging and inspiring life experiences here. I do hear what you have said about never knowing when things can spiral out of control. I guess I just don't feel that threat, again maybe I'm being naive. I've been down the hardcore party route and my 1-2 bottles is the one thing that I'm still stuck on... I guess I am looking for ways to feel good after the normal social drink level, 1-4 drinks etc.

Ugh. I'll read more tomorrow. Thx again for the support! It really is helping.

yogachic

artsoul, thx! I'm thinking a lot about what you've said, too.

Helbel

I think you are in the right place yogachic. When I started my journey I was angry that I had to quit, I wanted to be that take it or leave it drinker, couple of glasses of wine here and there, not a couple of bottles a night. I quit 50 days ago and I am so happy now, I don't even wish I could have a couple of drinks anymore as I really can't see any benefit from alcohol. I can relax and enjoy social occasions with soft drinks now. None of us will pretend it is easy, but really what have you got to lose by giving it a go and you might even like it.

yogachic

Yeah. Maybe it's that I won't know what to do with myself when I'm here alone on a wknd night. Or how it will be to try to socialize with the people I do actually have to socialize for work parties, and everything. I have gone for a few months at a time of not drinking in the past years and I did find that there are several people who don't drink at all or they'll have one drink in hand for the whole night, not really drinking at all. So, it may be just that fear of not knowing, that is driving my mind right now.

Thx for your post. Taking it all in, and still reading around here of others' stories.

Vall

Dear yogachic,

you feel very much like I do. To me finding SR has been more preventative than curative as I hardly dare say this because it seems unfair that I am here with lots of people suffering, but I am not an alcoholic, just was worried about becoming one as my brother is...

I think depression which stopped me doing the things I love, and because of that then boredom/loneliness on an evening had a lot to do with why I opened a bottle of wine.

I'm working on it very hard and I have nothing but thanks to all the people here on SRx

Soulprint

You are in the right place my friend!

I hear what you are saying.

However (and I know you probably don't want to hear this), there is no grey area with alcohol when you have started to have the binges etc. It is black or white. You either have to completely abstain or not because once booze is in the body, it is one of the most powerful drugs on the planet.

It is medically proven that in some people, when we have an alcoholic drink, it triggers an allergy in the body that creates an intense craving for more and more booze. Coupled with that we have the obsession in the mind, to boot.

Good luck!

SP x

DarkDays

Hi yogachic, going to have to say whatever your doing now will only gradually get worse .

I was exactly like you at a certain stage, and it progressed to more nights and more wine.

1/2 bottles of wine at home alone is not normal, or is wanting more alcohell when you get home after socialising.

I was at a loss when I first quit , but it's just that we have been brainwashed conditioned to think we have to have this drug to get along, its all a lie/bs.

Lastly it's not how much you drink , but how it affects your life.

Being free from the obsession and a life consumed with alcohell is the greatest thing ever.

good luck.

MrsKing

Only you know whether this is the right place for you or not, but you sound very similar to me, and I know that it is without doubt definitely the best place for me here. I came here when I was 2 months sober after one night where I drank 5 bottles of wine. I'd gone from drinking 1-2 bottles of wine (like you) to drinking 5 bottles of wine in a few years. I did that probably once or twice a month, maybe more if there were parties or events but on average I'd say I drank once or twice a month to excess. The day I woke up after drinking 5 bottles of wine I realised that I could no longer just class myself as your average binge drinker (not that that's any good, anyway) but as someone who had a SERIOUS problem with controlling what they drank. I was exactly the same as you - I would go out for a social few with my friends, who probably just went home and got on with their life, and not be able to stop. I'd come home and drink more. It got to the point where I was looking forward to going home so I could properly drink, and didn't enjoy the social few at all.

Only you know whether you have a problem or not. All I can say is that in a short period of time my drinking changed dramatically, and I'm 100% sure that if I didn't stop when I did, it would have probably changed further.

I will never be able to control my drinking - SR has taught me that. I see so many people on here who think they can just have one or two after long periods of sobriety only to come back saying it's impossible. I don't want to risk that, and never will, and that is why SR is the best place for me. I can't say whether it is for you, too, but I hope you stick around - you'll probably find that you relate to many more people than you think you do, if you look a little deeper into yourself.

All the best.

silly

I have no idea at all if you are an alcoholic, yogachic. But I did want to clear up some misconceptions...

I've never blacked out. Ever. I was always aware, usually more than people who had 1/3 of what I'd had to drink. I didn't drunk dial, I didn't drunk text, I didn't drunk anything, really. I have driven drunk and that is something I regret. Nobody usually knew I was drunk, actually.
What I'm trying to say is that there's no way to pigeonhole an alcoholic. Nor am I saying you are an alcoholic. All I'm saying is that your examples are not really the best criteria...

silly

Oh, but most important! even though I never did most everything on the list, I AM an alcoholic. No doubt.

Happier

This part got my attention. Most of us have our drug of choice (DOC). Alcohol was mine. I have no cravings or desire for any of the other drugs or self destructive behavior. However, I too was "stuck on" alcohol.

I'm about your age and it is obvoius you have a lot of life experience. Like so many said, you are really the only one that can determine if drinking is causing problems for you and I have no doubt that you are honest enough with yourself to make a good assessment.

The only other thing that gives me pause is that is sounds like you may be associating alcohol with many of the other activities that you enjoy (music, online sites, social activities, etc). I did that too and in my case the alcohol eventually "stole my joy". In other words, I got to where I really did not enjoy these things unless I had my drinks (golf, concerts, grilling, dining out, playing cards, etc). While I've re-learned to enjoy some of these things sober, others just aren't fun anymore. Alcohol literally "stole my joy". It feels like it took a part of me by stealing activities that I used to enjoy sober. Instead of being part of life's pleasure, they became triggers that made me want to drink and thus destroy myself. I had to seriously consider why alcohol had such an influence over my mood and activities. Please don't let anything steal the activities that you enjoy! They are a part of you.

yogachic

Thanks again guys! I'm reading all of your posts a few times and will be thinking of all that you've said over the next few days. You're all right in that I came here 1.5 yrs ago for a reason... forgot about the site and found it again for the same reason all this time later. The one thing that hasn't changed within that 1.5 yrs is that I'm concerned or at least have thoughts of wanting to drink less. So, that part alone is enough to go on and complete the 30 days alcohol free I came here wanting to complete - then see how I feel about things. I'm sure I'll get a lot accomplished within this month and much will improve...

Thx again for your encouragement and opinions on all of this. You don't have to care about my situation, but you took the time and I appreciate it!

doggonecarl

Have you tried stopping? And I don't mean for a week or even a month. Have you gone without drinking for 90 days?

Try. If you struggle, you might find your answer. That is, if you want to stop. If you want to continue to drink, you will. No matter what any of us say.

ru12

I really like this website. Most here have had limited long term success with moderation. So we really advocate abstinence. In my experience, it is easier for me this way. But you are free to try other ways. Harm Reduction, and Moderation Management are a couple things you could try. My life is better sober.

Wishing you success on your journey.

Mizzuno

Welcome and please stick around. You are in the right place whether you stop or not. We will all most likely say that moderation never worked for us. I like that you are giving it the 30 days and then re-evaluating. You may like how you feel after 30 days sober and it might become the new you.