SoaringSpirits

I've come to the point in my journey where I'm ready to begin working the 12 steps of Al Anon, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it. I have been attending the same meeting each week for over a year now. I've made inquiries about sponsors but people are either too busy, or the ones who have time aren't people who I feel any connection to.

Can I work the 12 steps without a sponsor? How do I do this? I look at the steps and am not sure how/where to begin without some outside help, or even if it's a good idea to work them solo.

Thanks.

Titanic

You can work the steps, through Step 4, without a sponsor but it won't be as easy! Mose definitely get Blueprint for Success for Step 4. Step 5, practically speaking, demands a sponsor.

Have you tried other Al-Anon groups? Nar-Anon groups? Maybe you can find a good sponsor there without having to continue going to new groups. Go into the Step Forums here as you work each Step. Try the online Al-Anon chat.

There is also a Lone Member Service group in Al-Anon. Check into it on their web site.

Off the top of my head!

Neagrm

I didn't "get it" until I got a Sponsor. I read all the self-help and program books and anything I could get my hands on, took workshops and learned about codependency ... all very helpful and laid groundwork. Small-group step studies have also been very helpful. But there's nothing like a one-on-one sponsorship to really make sense of how it works and to focus on your own issues.

Tuffgirl

I think it can be done without a sponsor, why not? Start now, keep working until you do find someone who would be willing to be your sponsor. Don't let a lack of one keep you from doing the work.

My sponsor lives in a different town - we communicated by phone and email, and I really did the work on my own with her guidance.

Step 5 I read to my therapist...it was super helpful.

This journey is what you make it to be - there is no prescribed route to take that is the only solution.

Looking4ward

Soaring Spirits,

I know EXACTLY what you mean. When people come on and talk about "my sponsor" I always look at them and wonder how that happened.

I try not to be discouraged though, and I don't put as much weight on the twelve steps as the INTENT behind it. With that in mind I am much more committed to my meditation practice where there IS a community and guidance available.

Every once and awhile, though, when the pain of my past is coming up to bite me in the a** I think how wonderful it would be to be able to talk things over with someone with similar experiences. SR has been wonderful in that sense.

I think, though, consistency counts for a lot (and it sounds like you have been consistent) which I haven't done, and maybe trying other meetings.

Blessings to you and good luck. It certainly feels good to hear that my experience isn't singular.

LifeRecovery

I have not been working the 12 steps with a sponsor (my recovery basis was non-12 steps until the last 2.5 years).

My therapist has been active in 12 step work so I do them with her as I go.

I did find a book called the Gentle Guide through the 12 Steps by Patrick Carnes which has been helpful (in addition to Al-Anon's Pathways To Recovery book).

Also there are often workshops sponsored by Al-Anon on this (my local one is doing one this weekend) on sponsorships and 12 steps. I have felt better ever since I knew that doing the work was the important part, and how I choose to do it was important too.

Titanic

You also can call Al-Anon members on the "call list" individually and talk about any question or sticking point. The "call lists" are available at most Al-Anon meetings.

You can also PM me, if you wish.

Tuffgirl

Great idea Titanic...there is a forum full of Al-Anoners here you can talk with privately!

SoaringSpirits

Thanks all. And thanks LifeRecovery for the name of that book, I'll check it out.

Lots of great ideas, and it's helpful to know that it's not impossible to at least begin the steps on my own while I continue to look for a sponsor. I'll try going to some different meetings as a way of branching out and meeting more people.

Recently at a meeting, a man 'shared' and said that he could tell which people had worked the steps and which hadn't. Which kind of enraged me (who was he to judge?) but once I thought about it, I figured he was probably right and I should get off my duff and get going and give it a go.

Thanks again.

lillamy

That's what I did, too. Or what I am doing, I should say.

Titanic

In your search for sponsors that you can meet face-to-face, Al-Anon recommends men for the men, women for the women and the appropriate opposite gender for GLBTs. In the first year of recovery, there is too much emotional vulnerability and that could lead to 13th Stepping (relations). Just an FYI.

kewlgurl

They have several Al-Anon groups that meet online as well, you maybe able to find someone you connect with in one of their groups. Go to Electronic Meeting List

laurie6781

(((((SoaringSpirits)))))

Please feel free to PM me any time and we can then talk by phone
about anything you have questions on or feel confused about.

That goes for any one else on here also. I will do what I can to
guide one and all through the steps until they can find a sponsor.

Love and hugs,

Titanic

Nice!!! You can PM me too!

Oh, forgot to add this. On Step 1, one can start by thinking of powerlessness like this. What I've been doing is ineffective; it doesn't work. (For examples, see http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html ).

Would I behave like this on a business matter? Would I try the same things over and over when they're not working?

On Step 2, if I were at work and I was having these issues, wouldn't I turn to someone other than myself for help with that insanity?

That approach can especially help agnostics, atheists and those who are struggling with their self-image.

barb dwyer

(((LAURIE))) is a great sponsor - I'd jump on that offer if I were you.

SoaringSpirits

Laurie, sent you a PM.

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. Thanks Titanic for the link, I will go read that now. I talked to my therapist about finding a sponsor and she remarked that although I could start the steps on my own, that the key piece of working them is that someone else 'bears witness' to your efforts. In the absence of an actual sponsor, one option she's seen work well (at least to start the steps) is that two people get together and work the steps together using tools from Al Anon and such. I thought I'd throw that out there for others in my shoes.

After seeing the movie "Bill W" the other night, I have such a greater appreciation for the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions and their history and background. These steps have really stood the test of time and are relevant even today, some 80+ years later. Seeing this film felt like a message from my Higher Power that is propelling me to get to work on myself and take my recovery efforts to a much higher level.

Thanks, SoaringSpirits

Titanic

That's great SoaringSpirits!

"Bearing witness" is one aspect. Having already gone through the Steps is another.

Working the Steps together with another member is good, but recognize that each person will be in a different place, have a different pace, and aspire to different goals in the race. Yes, remember the squabbles and waffling, but also the camaraderie and teamwork in that TV show The Amazing Race?

Having a good sponsor is like you going to the Olympics for the first time with someone who has been there before and medalled.