feeling alone and scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Creve Couer, IL
Posts: 9
feeling alone and scared
Hi everyone,
Day 4...I actually decided to quit drinking 9/4/12 but relapsed last Friday. When I relapse I go big, unfortunately. My boyfriend and I were friends for many years before we became "involved" this past June. Now we live together and he is just finding out I have a drinking problem. I don't believe he has ever had to "deal" with an alcoholic before. I myself grew up in an alcoholic environment for years.
When I drank last Friday, I lost my phone and didn't have a sober person to drive me home. I made it home Sat. after bf had went to work. I know he is very upset with me and understandably so. Sunday evening when he came home from work he yelled for about 2 mins. then said he didn't want o talk about it right now. Well, this is Tuesday and he still isn't really talking to me. I'm afraid our relationship might not make it through my recovery especially if he doesn't understand how much of a struggle this is for me. Bf is a wonderful man and would do anything for anyone and I don't want to lose him. Now I feel so much guilt and shame.
I also want to add, I have never been so serious and determined to quit drinking before. Please share if you have any advise, and can use all your prayers! Thanks!
Day 4...I actually decided to quit drinking 9/4/12 but relapsed last Friday. When I relapse I go big, unfortunately. My boyfriend and I were friends for many years before we became "involved" this past June. Now we live together and he is just finding out I have a drinking problem. I don't believe he has ever had to "deal" with an alcoholic before. I myself grew up in an alcoholic environment for years.
When I drank last Friday, I lost my phone and didn't have a sober person to drive me home. I made it home Sat. after bf had went to work. I know he is very upset with me and understandably so. Sunday evening when he came home from work he yelled for about 2 mins. then said he didn't want o talk about it right now. Well, this is Tuesday and he still isn't really talking to me. I'm afraid our relationship might not make it through my recovery especially if he doesn't understand how much of a struggle this is for me. Bf is a wonderful man and would do anything for anyone and I don't want to lose him. Now I feel so much guilt and shame.
I also want to add, I have never been so serious and determined to quit drinking before. Please share if you have any advise, and can use all your prayers! Thanks!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
If your serious please check out a meeting TODAY
And if you bf is this woderful person that would do anything for anyone, dont worry he support you when he see the effort, not the words..
When I relapsed I would go big also I would be gone for days..
You can be free.
And if you bf is this woderful person that would do anything for anyone, dont worry he support you when he see the effort, not the words..
When I relapsed I would go big also I would be gone for days..
You can be free.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear Lynn1004,
Try not to worry too much. I am sure he has known/knows people in his life that have had too much to drink before, and he knows that was not the "real you".
If he has never encountered alcohol problems before and you are now confiding in him that you have a problem, why not introduce him to some reading that will help him?
You are in good hands here though :>
Take care
Try not to worry too much. I am sure he has known/knows people in his life that have had too much to drink before, and he knows that was not the "real you".
If he has never encountered alcohol problems before and you are now confiding in him that you have a problem, why not introduce him to some reading that will help him?
You are in good hands here though :>
Take care
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
I'm guessing your BF is angry with you because he cares about you and is worried. You say he is just "figuring" this out. Have you actually had the conversation with him and confessed to him that you have a problem and are recovering or is he just guessing and inferring?
Re-read the last 3 sentences of your 2nd paragraph. That is a conversation I might suggest you have with him. Apologize for Friday. Let him know you are struggling but that he means so much to you. Tell him about the guilt and shame you feel and see if he is willing to help you get through this.
It would be so much easier for you to recover with a strong support system, however keep in mind that ultimately your recovery the most important thing for you to focus on right now. Whatever your recovery program is, throw yourself into it 100%.
You can do this!
Re-read the last 3 sentences of your 2nd paragraph. That is a conversation I might suggest you have with him. Apologize for Friday. Let him know you are struggling but that he means so much to you. Tell him about the guilt and shame you feel and see if he is willing to help you get through this.
It would be so much easier for you to recover with a strong support system, however keep in mind that ultimately your recovery the most important thing for you to focus on right now. Whatever your recovery program is, throw yourself into it 100%.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Lynn, please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you can identify.
I wish you the best in your recovery.
Bob R
I wish you the best in your recovery.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Creve Couer, IL
Posts: 9
Thank you all! I have told him I need help. Honestly, I am not the type to ask for help so it is difficult for me to be open. I think I will try to find a book which might explain to him better than I can of what I am going through.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Good luck!
Lynn, I know it seems a little counter intuitive, but focus on you.
Focus on your recovery.
It's my experience that once we get that down, everything else tends to fall into place...sometimes it may not be what we expect, but it all pans out...
I think it's a good sign your BF is still there. Try not to focus on him so much...he'll make up his own mind...(I know there's an element of risk there...but try just to let it go...have faith....)
work on staying sober...thats the best gift I think you can give to this relationship
D
Focus on your recovery.
It's my experience that once we get that down, everything else tends to fall into place...sometimes it may not be what we expect, but it all pans out...
I think it's a good sign your BF is still there. Try not to focus on him so much...he'll make up his own mind...(I know there's an element of risk there...but try just to let it go...have faith....)
work on staying sober...thats the best gift I think you can give to this relationship
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 108
Hope this helps!
Lynn, I'm with Dee on this one.
Don't worry about what your boyfriends reads right now. Just focus on you and your recovery. My husband didn't want to talk about recovery when I began and he still doesn't. I desperately wanted him to understand what I was going through and he just had no interest. It didn't mean he didn't love me, but he believed (rightly so) that I needed to work on myself. And, that's what saved me and what saved our marriage.
Don't worry about what your boyfriends reads right now. Just focus on you and your recovery. My husband didn't want to talk about recovery when I began and he still doesn't. I desperately wanted him to understand what I was going through and he just had no interest. It didn't mean he didn't love me, but he believed (rightly so) that I needed to work on myself. And, that's what saved me and what saved our marriage.
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