Contact with her Addicted father?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
Contact with her Addicted father?
I am a little bit afraid to post this as I am not sure I am ready to hear your answers.
My Ex is addicted to heroin. I moved out july 1st with our 2 1/2 year old daughter.She loves her dad and misses him a lot. She also misses our house (the house actually belongs to her dad).
At first we didn't see him much but we started to have short visits with him at the house. Sometimes go swimming and have a BBQ. Sometimes we spent the night cause our little girl was so tired it was easier to stay there (in different rooms).
Visiting is very hard. Most of the time he cries when we leave.
Last time we went DD wouldn't eat the food we cooked and he didn't have anything else for her so I talked her into going back to our place and she was excited about it which makes things easier. Then he started guilt tripping her about wanting to leave. It made me so sad and angry. She is so little.
We still left and she was ok with that but within a few minutes in the car she started crying. She wanted to go back to her dad's. She said her daddy needed her.I told her he was fine.She cried/screamed she wanted to go back all the way home. Mind you she was tired but still, he is messing with her head.
What do I do about my little girl who asks daily about going to see her dad?? I try to distract her most of the time but still she really wants to see him. Do I just ignore her desire to see her dad?
This is so hard... And honestly I miss him too.
I have been ignoring his calls today (last saw him friday). It helps that I forgot my (only) phone in the car.
DD's dad now says he will undergo a type of detox in October (with ********). I hope he does but have no idea whether he will or not.
Also I don't think that detox is enough. I really want him to get some therapy/go to an intensive outpatient program. I don't feel comfortable spending much time with him if he chooses not to.
I am so sad for my little girl.
She keeps telling me "it's not normal" about not living with him.
She also gets angry at me and feel that I am the one responsible for not being at our home with her dad.
At least she loves our new place...though the landlady just told me her husband is very ill and their daughter might move back (into my apartment) so that means we'd have to move...
My Ex is addicted to heroin. I moved out july 1st with our 2 1/2 year old daughter.She loves her dad and misses him a lot. She also misses our house (the house actually belongs to her dad).
At first we didn't see him much but we started to have short visits with him at the house. Sometimes go swimming and have a BBQ. Sometimes we spent the night cause our little girl was so tired it was easier to stay there (in different rooms).
Visiting is very hard. Most of the time he cries when we leave.
Last time we went DD wouldn't eat the food we cooked and he didn't have anything else for her so I talked her into going back to our place and she was excited about it which makes things easier. Then he started guilt tripping her about wanting to leave. It made me so sad and angry. She is so little.
We still left and she was ok with that but within a few minutes in the car she started crying. She wanted to go back to her dad's. She said her daddy needed her.I told her he was fine.She cried/screamed she wanted to go back all the way home. Mind you she was tired but still, he is messing with her head.
What do I do about my little girl who asks daily about going to see her dad?? I try to distract her most of the time but still she really wants to see him. Do I just ignore her desire to see her dad?
This is so hard... And honestly I miss him too.
I have been ignoring his calls today (last saw him friday). It helps that I forgot my (only) phone in the car.
DD's dad now says he will undergo a type of detox in October (with ********). I hope he does but have no idea whether he will or not.
Also I don't think that detox is enough. I really want him to get some therapy/go to an intensive outpatient program. I don't feel comfortable spending much time with him if he chooses not to.
I am so sad for my little girl.
She keeps telling me "it's not normal" about not living with him.
She also gets angry at me and feel that I am the one responsible for not being at our home with her dad.
At least she loves our new place...though the landlady just told me her husband is very ill and their daughter might move back (into my apartment) so that means we'd have to move...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
She is 2 1/2, she could very well be repeating what her dad says, saying it is not normal living without her father is not standard verbage for a 2 yo.
He is manipulating you and her, that's what addicts do. A child needs one responsibile parent...tag your it.
Let her know what her visitation schedule is with her dad, when she asks just reenforce when she will be seeing him...try not to make more out of it than it is.
She will be fine, just give it some time, Rome wasn't built in a day, be patient.
He is manipulating you and her, that's what addicts do. A child needs one responsibile parent...tag your it.
Let her know what her visitation schedule is with her dad, when she asks just reenforce when she will be seeing him...try not to make more out of it than it is.
She will be fine, just give it some time, Rome wasn't built in a day, be patient.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Kids are smart. Even little kids. She's probably not only mimicking her dad's words, she's picking up on your ambiguity.
This is the dance of addiction and she's on the dance floor with both of you.
20/20 hindsight, I wish that I had gotten professional help in dealing with the emotional and psychological fallout after divorcing my XAH. Someone who could help us navigate the emotional pain. However, I also realize that trying to reason with an addict is damn near impossible so all the counseling in the world may not have helped.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this diffiiculty. It's very hard trying to co-parent with an addict. It's like trying to co-parent with a willfull child.....but worse.
gentle hugs
ke
This is the dance of addiction and she's on the dance floor with both of you.
20/20 hindsight, I wish that I had gotten professional help in dealing with the emotional and psychological fallout after divorcing my XAH. Someone who could help us navigate the emotional pain. However, I also realize that trying to reason with an addict is damn near impossible so all the counseling in the world may not have helped.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this diffiiculty. It's very hard trying to co-parent with an addict. It's like trying to co-parent with a willfull child.....but worse.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
My humble and yet experienced suggestion is that you find a child psychologist for her and a therapist for you. It was not addiction with the other parent in my case, but all the mind-games & manipulation. The child psych gave me incredible tools to deal with my girls and became a trusted friend to my youngest, who still adores him years later. A therapist for yourself will help you with those incredible pangs of anxiety when you are driving and your baby girl is crying for her dad. Those moments can really mess with a mom, and your well-being is the most important piece of you and your daughter's happy future.
It is hard for awhile, but if you attend to her little heart now, it will get easier. My youngest is now almost 15 and has amazing people skills and self-awareness and I think that my early crisis intervention with the child psych really set those skills in place. Mind you, she wasn't 2-3, she was 8, but the good ones work well with the younger ones too.
Take care.
It is hard for awhile, but if you attend to her little heart now, it will get easier. My youngest is now almost 15 and has amazing people skills and self-awareness and I think that my early crisis intervention with the child psych really set those skills in place. Mind you, she wasn't 2-3, she was 8, but the good ones work well with the younger ones too.
Take care.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am a broken record as far as addiction and parenting goes. Active addicts and those new to recovery are lousy parents. The drug is more important than the child.
Who attempts to manipulate a 2 year old beyond the potty seat?
No food in the house. Come on, now.
Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them at home. They tend to believe they are the cause of what happens and that they do not deserve normal. Oftentimes, they carry thing baggage into adulthood.
" I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or early recovery" is a solid boundary that will protect children.
Ibogain is highly controversial treatment for addiction.
Who attempts to manipulate a 2 year old beyond the potty seat?
No food in the house. Come on, now.
Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them at home. They tend to believe they are the cause of what happens and that they do not deserve normal. Oftentimes, they carry thing baggage into adulthood.
" I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or early recovery" is a solid boundary that will protect children.
Ibogain is highly controversial treatment for addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
A two year old child has no idea what "normal" is. A child of an addicted parent also has no idea what "normal" is, and once they learn they think they must not deserve it. The general unpredictability and the disparity between what's real and what's acknowledged as real that is common in addictive households plays a big part in the creation of developmental issues that follow a child into adulthood. As the child of two addicted parents I am just now trying to work through a lot of those issues, so this is a sensitive subject. I applaud you for trying to address this now, before your daughter is too enmeshed in the chaos of addiction.
Bottom line: your two year old can't know what's best for her well-being, and your addicted ex can't prioritize her well-being. You have to make the hard decisions. Thank you for standing up for her!
Bottom line: your two year old can't know what's best for her well-being, and your addicted ex can't prioritize her well-being. You have to make the hard decisions. Thank you for standing up for her!
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
I am a broken record as far as addiction and parenting goes. Active addicts and those new to recovery are lousy parents. The drug is more important than the child.
Who attempts to manipulate a 2 year old beyond the potty seat?
No food in the house. Come on, now.
Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them at home. They tend to believe they are the cause of what happens and that they do not deserve normal. Oftentimes, they carry thing baggage into adulthood.
"I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or early recovery" is a solid boundary that will protect children.
Who attempts to manipulate a 2 year old beyond the potty seat?
No food in the house. Come on, now.
Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them at home. They tend to believe they are the cause of what happens and that they do not deserve normal. Oftentimes, they carry thing baggage into adulthood.
"I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or early recovery" is a solid boundary that will protect children.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
Children need structure in order to feel safe.
You're here....you're there
....sometimes you stay at the house
...sometimes you go back to your place.
You might have to move
....he has no food......etc. etc. etc.
It's all chaos.......all damaging to your child which is exhibited by the crying, being over tired and throwing tantrums.
You are imprinting her to adapt to chaos and drama. Addicts LOVE chaos and drama.
Your husband is an addict.....that means your child has a 50% chance of having received the genetic precursor to addiction.
Set up a strict schedule and stick to it.
That is the most loving and responsible thing you could do for your child.
You're here....you're there
....sometimes you stay at the house
...sometimes you go back to your place.
You might have to move
....he has no food......etc. etc. etc.
It's all chaos.......all damaging to your child which is exhibited by the crying, being over tired and throwing tantrums.
You are imprinting her to adapt to chaos and drama. Addicts LOVE chaos and drama.
Your husband is an addict.....that means your child has a 50% chance of having received the genetic precursor to addiction.
Set up a strict schedule and stick to it.
That is the most loving and responsible thing you could do for your child.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Yup, get counseling. Doesn't sound healthy for anyone involved, and he is being manipulative.
The best thing I ever did was only allow supervised visits 1 time a week at a park. No phone calls. My xah seems to only make 2 visits a month bc of his addiction.This started right when my son turned 3. Bc my xah is incapable to handle anymore responsibility (he can barely handle the visis), this has worked for my son. He still gets to see his dad, but daddy really isn't involved in our life more than that. Right now, my son seems content. This summer my xah was MIA for 2.5 months. I told my son he was sick. My son was crying thinking daddy didn't want to play with him. When the xah came back into our lives, I told my son daddy is feeling better. After we saw him, I told my son that daddy could get sick again. The hardest part of all this is being in the trenches. I have to deal with a non apologetic entitles selfish angry blaming addict who takes no responsibilty for anything. But, I have protected my son. I never told my son we were going to see daddy at the park until we pulled up and saw him. There is no trust. But, after him being MIA this summer I have realized that it is important for my son to see him...randomly or not. My new goal is to just ignore him so I don't have to deal with anxiety and anger. I just want peace. He is also not allowed over our house. I don't believe he is a good role model. He is is still using drugs and is hanging out with questionable people. I have given him many chances, only to be disappointed. Like I said, he can't be trusted to do anything. Nothing.
I missed my x too. This past year has been hard. But, you get thru it. Right now just do what is best for your child. it sounds like she was very close to her daddy and could use some play therapy. Try to tell her healing stories with her dolls, and keep it simple.
I would consider seeing daddy at a park. Consider state visits.
My xah sister won't let him over there house. Think about it as if you had never met this man. Your child should not be around an addict. They imitate EVERYTHING! This is a very important age for your daughter. I am sorry for both your pain. Blessings. You will be strong and get thru this!
The best thing I ever did was only allow supervised visits 1 time a week at a park. No phone calls. My xah seems to only make 2 visits a month bc of his addiction.This started right when my son turned 3. Bc my xah is incapable to handle anymore responsibility (he can barely handle the visis), this has worked for my son. He still gets to see his dad, but daddy really isn't involved in our life more than that. Right now, my son seems content. This summer my xah was MIA for 2.5 months. I told my son he was sick. My son was crying thinking daddy didn't want to play with him. When the xah came back into our lives, I told my son daddy is feeling better. After we saw him, I told my son that daddy could get sick again. The hardest part of all this is being in the trenches. I have to deal with a non apologetic entitles selfish angry blaming addict who takes no responsibilty for anything. But, I have protected my son. I never told my son we were going to see daddy at the park until we pulled up and saw him. There is no trust. But, after him being MIA this summer I have realized that it is important for my son to see him...randomly or not. My new goal is to just ignore him so I don't have to deal with anxiety and anger. I just want peace. He is also not allowed over our house. I don't believe he is a good role model. He is is still using drugs and is hanging out with questionable people. I have given him many chances, only to be disappointed. Like I said, he can't be trusted to do anything. Nothing.
I missed my x too. This past year has been hard. But, you get thru it. Right now just do what is best for your child. it sounds like she was very close to her daddy and could use some play therapy. Try to tell her healing stories with her dolls, and keep it simple.
I would consider seeing daddy at a park. Consider state visits.
My xah sister won't let him over there house. Think about it as if you had never met this man. Your child should not be around an addict. They imitate EVERYTHING! This is a very important age for your daughter. I am sorry for both your pain. Blessings. You will be strong and get thru this!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
One more thing, the child needs a VERY strong rhythm in the home. Routines are beyond necessary bc t5hey know what to expect. And fyi, be prepared. The 3 year old can be beyond difficult to deal with. MAJOR tantrums and anger. Hold on tight, bc it is very difficult. Especially if you are raising her all by yourself. 
read and join some parenting circles.
read and join some parenting circles.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Set limits to visiting time. I think a neutral visiting spot is a good idea. Staying over at his house would be confusing to her. Is he always supervised with her? I'm concerned with what he is saying to her. She is also picking up on your feelings on the visits. I second the idea of counseling. I am also a child if addicts/alcoholics. I can't over stress the influence that this has on your daughter even at 2 years old. She picks up in the unpredictability. The most important thing for her is for you to find stability for yourself. As you model consistent behavior, she will learn that. I think that some of your guilt for the situation is being picked up by her. Be gentle in yourself. I'm glad you got her out if his home and to a safe place.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 22
i just wanted to say, i really sympathise with your situation. I too have a little girl of a similar age, and its so hard when they ask where is daddy, is daddy coming tonight etc etc. I cant really offer any advice as im in the midst of giving it another try with her dad, who is/was an alcoholic and cocaine user. He went to rehab, twice, and unfortunately he didnt go into recovery, and is still drinking. And i will be leaving again. And going through all of those guilty thoughts and feelings over my decision, for him and for my daughter. But i know its not right or healthy for her or i to be in this. When i left my o/h, i told my daughter as truthfully as i could given her age, that mummy and daddy couldnt live together right now, but we both loved her very much. She still asks about our old house now. i never went back to that house after i left the first time i worried that it would confuse her, and i also would not let her dad see her at the old house, but at his parents or my mums where we were staying. What i found helped my daughter was making a visual day planner, ie mon to sunday, with a picture of me, or daddy, or school whatever at the top. so she knew who she was with on what days, the visual thing really seemed to work. I also made a big deal of making her bedroom really nice, i let her choose a new duvet set and curtains and she was so excited. I took familiar things from our old house, toys that were familiar her bean bag etc. And just tried to spend lots of time with her, surround her with friends and family who will have a smile for her when you have moments of feeling low, keep her busy and have fun, despite inside i was struggling to hold it together. She will still get upset, and you will probably find that she will try to 'play' you - my daughter would say i want daddy as soon as i wouldnt give her something she wanted or told her off, and did the same with him when she was with him.
You are in my thoughts, and i hope that things get better for you,
take care
You are in my thoughts, and i hope that things get better for you,
take care
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
Both my ex and I are adult children of alcoholics. My dad was/is a pretty mild alcoholic and my mom the codependant daughter of a bad addict and alcoholic . The communication in our home was very dysfunctional. My ex's mom drank herself to death before he was 18. His dad had abandoned him and his brother. Did anyone ever go to a ACOA (adult child of alcoholic) meeting? What is it like? They have those at the centre where I go to Alanon but they don't have babysitting for those.
I might be able to take DD to play therapy. I have been meaning to call them. Their flyer says it's from 3 years old but DD has very good verbal skills for her age so I am hoping they can see her.
With fall being here we have more of a schedule. (monday Alanon and swimming lessons, tuesday playgroup, wed playgroup and single mom group, thursday music activity, friday Alanon and gymnastics)
We have to get up pretty early so have to go to bed pretty early too.
I was hoping to fix up her room but now that there is a chance we might have to move I might have to wait on that.
I'd also love to see a therapist. I'm working on finding some time for myself. Found 2 ways of getting someone to watch her (drop-in daycare and teenage babysitter). Now I have to go through the moves. Get her used to it. And make sure I feel comfortable with the people involved.
I need a bit of time to myself. If we don't see XABF I take it we'll have to see a lawyer about our rights. I'll have to organize my thoughts to get the info across to the lawyer.
I guess I'll have to apply for child support. So far he has been paying for our groceries (but not our rent) but he might not want to do that if we don't see him on his terms.
I think meeting him at the playground sounds good but sadly I am not sure he'll bother.
About the "normal" thing it could be something her dad said I don't know. She is very aware that other kids have dads that do stuff with them (go to the playground, the store..) She also tells me talking in my cell phone is not normal, I think cause I mostly speak to my sisters (in french).
He relapsed after being told bad news about his health so I feel a little guilty for not being there for him even though I don't feel like i truly have a choice.
DD never has tantrums. She will cry when she is overtired. Ever since she was a little baby people have been amazed how easy going she is.
Thanks for all the kind answers (keep them coming!). I feel like I am slowly finding the answers as I keep going to Alanon and finding good people and organizations to help. I hate to whine but I have to say "it's hard!!!"
I might be able to take DD to play therapy. I have been meaning to call them. Their flyer says it's from 3 years old but DD has very good verbal skills for her age so I am hoping they can see her.
With fall being here we have more of a schedule. (monday Alanon and swimming lessons, tuesday playgroup, wed playgroup and single mom group, thursday music activity, friday Alanon and gymnastics)
We have to get up pretty early so have to go to bed pretty early too.
I was hoping to fix up her room but now that there is a chance we might have to move I might have to wait on that.
I'd also love to see a therapist. I'm working on finding some time for myself. Found 2 ways of getting someone to watch her (drop-in daycare and teenage babysitter). Now I have to go through the moves. Get her used to it. And make sure I feel comfortable with the people involved.
I need a bit of time to myself. If we don't see XABF I take it we'll have to see a lawyer about our rights. I'll have to organize my thoughts to get the info across to the lawyer.
I guess I'll have to apply for child support. So far he has been paying for our groceries (but not our rent) but he might not want to do that if we don't see him on his terms.
I think meeting him at the playground sounds good but sadly I am not sure he'll bother.
About the "normal" thing it could be something her dad said I don't know. She is very aware that other kids have dads that do stuff with them (go to the playground, the store..) She also tells me talking in my cell phone is not normal, I think cause I mostly speak to my sisters (in french).
He relapsed after being told bad news about his health so I feel a little guilty for not being there for him even though I don't feel like i truly have a choice.
DD never has tantrums. She will cry when she is overtired. Ever since she was a little baby people have been amazed how easy going she is.
Thanks for all the kind answers (keep them coming!). I feel like I am slowly finding the answers as I keep going to Alanon and finding good people and organizations to help. I hate to whine but I have to say "it's hard!!!"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
DD is in bed with the flu watching TV. I just reread all the posts and find some comfort
in them.
Outtolunch; thanks for the " I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or
early recovery" boundary, whether I use it or not, honestly I don't really understand
what boundaries are so that is helpful at the very least as an example.
To be honest he did have food in the house that day, just nothing easy to give DD since she didn't want to eat her dinner (No bread, milk, cereals,cheese..) she would have had a smoothie but I took the blender... YEs he did have bananas (DD wouldn't eat a banana) and berries (and super sugary yogurt). He also had some super sweet canned beans and other cans that I don't think DD would have eaten. I just found it easier to go home a bit earlier and feed her something that was not crazy sweet or time consuming to prepare as we already had cooked dinner. In a different relationship maybe it wouldn't have been fair but since I am with DD 24/7 and have to feed her even if we are at his house I don't think it was wrong. Anyhow, he should have talked to me about it instead of trying to make DD feel bad about leaving. That was so wrong.
Reminds me;as a little kid I once told my mom to be nice to my dad cause he is the one bringing home the groceries. I guess I thought there'd be no food without my dad? A little one's understanding of the world...
Interrupted. Thanks for "The general unpredictability and the disparity between what's real and what's acknowledged as real that is common in addictive households plays a big part in the creation of developmental issues that follow a child into adulthood." (got me thinking) and "your two year old can't know what's best for her well-being, and your addicted ex can't prioritize her well-being. You have to make the hard decisions." So true! Yet it's still hard to ignore what DD wants (even if it's not necessarily what's best for her).
XABF/dd's dad just called. He called me a pig. I hung up. He called back and apologized.
Asked me why I didn't call last night (He called when we were at the beach with friends yesterday and I just told him I'd call him back) I told him DD was sick and crying a lot cause her nose was plugged and I fell asleep with her. We talked a bit more (he mentioned that since he is paying for some of our stuff I should be nicer to him, I told him to go ahead and cut us off) then he called me a pig again. Called back again asked to talk to DD. DD first said she didn't want to talk to him and then took the phone, I listened to the conversation. He told her he loves her and then asked her if she loves him.
It's all about him isn't it? (She told him "daddy I'm a princess" and walked away from the phone.
He was mad I didn't invite him to the beach so I think I'll offer to meet him at the beach in a few days.
Of course he is probably just feeling sorry for himself for being left out and has no true interest in going. That would be ok. I am upset about him calling me names (pig).
If DD wasn't here I probably would scream at him.
If your Ex was calling you names (and using) would you just cut communication/communicate through a lawyer? or try to be civil when he sees your young child?
I know this is long and but it's a long day...
in them.
Outtolunch; thanks for the " I will not expose my child to anyone in active addiction or
early recovery" boundary, whether I use it or not, honestly I don't really understand
what boundaries are so that is helpful at the very least as an example.
To be honest he did have food in the house that day, just nothing easy to give DD since she didn't want to eat her dinner (No bread, milk, cereals,cheese..) she would have had a smoothie but I took the blender... YEs he did have bananas (DD wouldn't eat a banana) and berries (and super sugary yogurt). He also had some super sweet canned beans and other cans that I don't think DD would have eaten. I just found it easier to go home a bit earlier and feed her something that was not crazy sweet or time consuming to prepare as we already had cooked dinner. In a different relationship maybe it wouldn't have been fair but since I am with DD 24/7 and have to feed her even if we are at his house I don't think it was wrong. Anyhow, he should have talked to me about it instead of trying to make DD feel bad about leaving. That was so wrong.
Reminds me;as a little kid I once told my mom to be nice to my dad cause he is the one bringing home the groceries. I guess I thought there'd be no food without my dad? A little one's understanding of the world...
Interrupted. Thanks for "The general unpredictability and the disparity between what's real and what's acknowledged as real that is common in addictive households plays a big part in the creation of developmental issues that follow a child into adulthood." (got me thinking) and "your two year old can't know what's best for her well-being, and your addicted ex can't prioritize her well-being. You have to make the hard decisions." So true! Yet it's still hard to ignore what DD wants (even if it's not necessarily what's best for her).
XABF/dd's dad just called. He called me a pig. I hung up. He called back and apologized.
Asked me why I didn't call last night (He called when we were at the beach with friends yesterday and I just told him I'd call him back) I told him DD was sick and crying a lot cause her nose was plugged and I fell asleep with her. We talked a bit more (he mentioned that since he is paying for some of our stuff I should be nicer to him, I told him to go ahead and cut us off) then he called me a pig again. Called back again asked to talk to DD. DD first said she didn't want to talk to him and then took the phone, I listened to the conversation. He told her he loves her and then asked her if she loves him.
It's all about him isn't it? (She told him "daddy I'm a princess" and walked away from the phone.
He was mad I didn't invite him to the beach so I think I'll offer to meet him at the beach in a few days.
Of course he is probably just feeling sorry for himself for being left out and has no true interest in going. That would be ok. I am upset about him calling me names (pig).
If DD wasn't here I probably would scream at him.
If your Ex was calling you names (and using) would you just cut communication/communicate through a lawyer? or try to be civil when he sees your young child?
I know this is long and but it's a long day...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Why do you keep talking to him? And why in the world would you want to meet him at the beach in a few days? You are entitled to go where you want to...without him, you are just playing into his childishness and allowing him to control you...why?
Learn all you can about addiction and bounderies, read Cynical Ones Blog, all the stickeys at the top of all the Family & Friends Forums.
There are meetings in your area and what about reading Codependent No More?
Your daughter is the true victim in this toxic relationship, she will carry her childhood into adulthood, you are her role model, do the right thing for her.
Learn all you can about addiction and bounderies, read Cynical Ones Blog, all the stickeys at the top of all the Family & Friends Forums.
There are meetings in your area and what about reading Codependent No More?
Your daughter is the true victim in this toxic relationship, she will carry her childhood into adulthood, you are her role model, do the right thing for her.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
Dollydo,
So, do not see him at all? I guess I talk to him for 2 reasons, his daughter and wanting to know how he is doing. If it wasn't for his daughter him talking to me that way would mean cutting him off. I usually try to get together once a week but DD is asking for him less and less and seem to be enjoying our time together more and more.
I just googled cynical ones blog and it was about stars (rockstars, movie stars)?
Meetings? what meetings? ACOA? I go to Alanon meetings twice a week. Believe it or not I have come a long way... I know I still have a long way to go. I'd love to hear more about ACOA though...
I read Codependent no more. I'd read it again if it didn't stay at the house when we moved out.
So, do not see him at all? I guess I talk to him for 2 reasons, his daughter and wanting to know how he is doing. If it wasn't for his daughter him talking to me that way would mean cutting him off. I usually try to get together once a week but DD is asking for him less and less and seem to be enjoying our time together more and more.
I just googled cynical ones blog and it was about stars (rockstars, movie stars)?
Meetings? what meetings? ACOA? I go to Alanon meetings twice a week. Believe it or not I have come a long way... I know I still have a long way to go. I'd love to hear more about ACOA though...
I read Codependent no more. I'd read it again if it didn't stay at the house when we moved out.
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