Defunk

My boyfriend abuses roxies, we've had a few relapses within the span of our relationship. I kind of feel like he's addicted to me as well and doesn't want to be alone. It's as if he's trying to be the person he wishes he was around me, instead of who he actually is.

SO, lemme get to the point: is recovery possible, or at the very least a good idea to go through the process, when your world revolves around your significant other?

Basically I feel like he's not doing it for himself, he's doing it for me. His bottom, supposedly was almost losing me.

I don't know if I'm holding him back, or helping. I understand he needs support, but really, what is best?

Sorry if this seems like jibberish, or seeking bad dating advice, I just really don't know what to do at this point.

Let alone, the nodding off after he "stopped" using, but don't worry, he's just "tired". Ugh.

If this has already been covered, please link me, would love to read it.

Vall

Dear Defunk,

A difficult situation.

Any kind of "dependant" relationship is not very healthy.

It depends on how much you want/are able to be his tower of strength...

There will be others here with first hand experiences and advice and I hope you find your way.

Defunk

Yeah, its hard.. I'm hoping someone here has similar experiences.

Spinach

I guess it really depends on ...... If you want to be with him.
If your being locked in through dependency ,then for most people it's already over as resentment just grows. If you love him and are just wondering why he behaves like that as it doesn't change what your going to do ,then stay.
His recovery is for him your relationship is for you both.
Leaving him will only cause him to use then maybe clean up but if that clean up is just to get you back it'll fail when it doesn't.
John

Dee74

Hi Defunk

I don't know your BF, but if I could have gotten sober for someone else I would have, and a long time sooner than I did.

I believe recovery needs to be an internal process. It just won't work otherwise.

I know you'll find a lot of support here.

I'd also encourage you to check out our Family and Friends forum too - you'll find a lot of experience there as well

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Defunk

I think I'm done and scared to admit it, and scared of his reaction.

Spinach

Defunk ,Good luck. It sounded like that might be the thing you need to hear. I wonder what is the biggest drawback for him having a liking for his DOC or being in a relationship that hes blackmailing you into staying and therefore not getting what he really wants .
love john.

silly

You need to do what's best for you. If you're done as you say you are, I'd suggest making a plan before ending things with him. Know where you're going to go (if you live together), know how you'll respond to any outburst of anger or tears and prepare to stand strong. He's bound to promise you all sorts of things to get you to stay. But as Dee said "if I could have gotten sober for someone else I would have, and a long time sooner than I did". He needs to want to get sober for himself and not because someone is going to leave him or someone is going to cut him off, etc.

choublak

What is this "we've had a few relapses"?

Defunk

Yeah, that does sound weird. Ha.

HE has had a few relapses in OUR relationship.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I am so grateful I found this place.

Change4life

If your being locked in through dependency ,then for most people it's already over as resentment just grows.

My situation is very similar.This is something I think I should ponder thanks spinach.

Defunk

What is your situation, anything you'd want to share?