Progress?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
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Progress?
Ok, fair warning this is going to be long......
So, I have been visiting and reading and writing here for about a month now. Actually a little more. I haven't maintained perfection, I have slapped, time and again over the past 5 weeks. I just went back and counted my days, I have 22 sober days in the last 5 weeks. That's awesome! I am proud for that. I am keeping a calendar and writing down the days. Of course I wish I had 35 days, but I don't. Whatever. In the 5 week period preceding this, I had 35 days drinking. Def not cool. So I am making progress in the right direction. I feel easy talking to you all and I just want to share that. Secondly, my one dear friend that I had mentioned in the past, relapsed hard core 10 days ago, and will not talk to me at all. I had nothing to do with her relapse. Her mother filled me in on what she thought was going on, so I showed up at her house last week and tried to get her to go to a meeting, she was fine with it til we pulled up outside, and she was like I am not going in there, I'm drunk. I'm not going there right now. I said fine, and went home. Left her with her mother. I have begged and pleaded for her to please call me, tell me hello or f off, I don't care. I just want to know she is ok. I have had contact with her mother off and on, and she thought she was doing better. Well, her mom went out of state to visit another of her children and now my friend is at home, with her dad, who works full time and I just don't know what to do! Her mom said that she was embarrassed and felt bad, but those two things are major triggers for her. I can't stand that she had gotten me emotionally wrapped up in her world, and now won't even give me the time of day! I'm just very upset and yes full of resentment, but I honestly don't know what to do about this! Do I walk away even when I told her i would never give up on her or walk away? I told her I am not chasing a friendship, and that I would be here when she was ready, but I feel like I spoke too soon, because I am very very impatient at this point. Please help me out!
So, I have been visiting and reading and writing here for about a month now. Actually a little more. I haven't maintained perfection, I have slapped, time and again over the past 5 weeks. I just went back and counted my days, I have 22 sober days in the last 5 weeks. That's awesome! I am proud for that. I am keeping a calendar and writing down the days. Of course I wish I had 35 days, but I don't. Whatever. In the 5 week period preceding this, I had 35 days drinking. Def not cool. So I am making progress in the right direction. I feel easy talking to you all and I just want to share that. Secondly, my one dear friend that I had mentioned in the past, relapsed hard core 10 days ago, and will not talk to me at all. I had nothing to do with her relapse. Her mother filled me in on what she thought was going on, so I showed up at her house last week and tried to get her to go to a meeting, she was fine with it til we pulled up outside, and she was like I am not going in there, I'm drunk. I'm not going there right now. I said fine, and went home. Left her with her mother. I have begged and pleaded for her to please call me, tell me hello or f off, I don't care. I just want to know she is ok. I have had contact with her mother off and on, and she thought she was doing better. Well, her mom went out of state to visit another of her children and now my friend is at home, with her dad, who works full time and I just don't know what to do! Her mom said that she was embarrassed and felt bad, but those two things are major triggers for her. I can't stand that she had gotten me emotionally wrapped up in her world, and now won't even give me the time of day! I'm just very upset and yes full of resentment, but I honestly don't know what to do about this! Do I walk away even when I told her i would never give up on her or walk away? I told her I am not chasing a friendship, and that I would be here when she was ready, but I feel like I spoke too soon, because I am very very impatient at this point. Please help me out!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by Sapling 
There is nothing you can do to make her stop...Let her know if she wants to go to a meeting you're there for her...You need to work on yourself.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
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Chard,
I have a friend who has relapsed. I apparently did not know the depth of her problem with alcohol and her struggles to stop through detox and rehab. She is currently drinking. She knows I care, but I'm focusing on my recovery and family. I attended an AA meeting with her and tried to steer her to some members with long sobriety records....but she has chosen to drink for now. I touch base with her about once every 7 - 10 days, just to say I'm thinking about her.
I have a friend who has relapsed. I apparently did not know the depth of her problem with alcohol and her struggles to stop through detox and rehab. She is currently drinking. She knows I care, but I'm focusing on my recovery and family. I attended an AA meeting with her and tried to steer her to some members with long sobriety records....but she has chosen to drink for now. I touch base with her about once every 7 - 10 days, just to say I'm thinking about her.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Well, my friend has been in rehab and sober living facilities. She knows the magnitude. She knows the damage. I know I need to focus on me. I know this. It's just tht she is consuming so much of my thoughts. I have never been this close to her when she has relapsed. I knew she would basically cut herself off from everyone, but this is a little extreme. I feel betrayed by her. It's just such a different p,ace for me to be right now. I need to change my thoughts. I can't allow her to consume so much of my thoughts. Thank you everyone!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I can't allow her to consume so much of my thoughts.
to work on you.
However, YOU are the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in this scenario! You
cannot help any one else until you have helped yourself.
And someting else I heard early in my own recovery and have uses it
ALL these years is:
"You cannot and should not try and 12 step anyone you are emotionally
involved with."
That includes friends. siblings, SO's, parents, spouse, finance, even co-
workers, and you cannot 12 step other than offering a ride maybe until
you have finished your own 12 Step process.
That has worked for me and many others I have known over the years.
Yes, it is okay to give her a call every 12 to 14 days, and ask how she
is doing, and then allow another 12 to 14 days go by.
Right now you really need to 'work on you'. Tell that voice in your head,
to SHUT UP that you have other things to do. It does work, especially
saying it out loud. Sometimes especially at first you may have to it more
than once, lol but it does work!!!
YTou can also ADJOURN the committee meeting and tell them they are on
a 3 week vacation, no meeting for 3 weeks. Again say it out loud.
I know it sounds 'silly' but IT DOES WORK!!!! Honest. So give it a try 2 to
at least 4 times to get some relief. Heck I had to adjourn 'the committee'
at least 3 times a month for my first year, but it would work to quiet the
voices and slowly the committee meetings got further and further apart!
This method has also worked for many of my sponsees while they worked
on their steps.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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So I wa stopped on the street by my girl friends dad this morning. He thanked me for being so encouraging towards her as he had read all I the text messages I had sent her. He told me that she is well and I said well, I can't let her rent space in my head so when she wants to come around, she will, until then I am done chasing anything with her. It was a nice conversation and I felt good being able to talk with one of we family members!
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Originally Posted by Pondlady
Excellent! Kind of frustrating that you've been fretting about her and her dad says she's fine. Put your energy to work for you
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