goalofsobriety

As a young child, I can only remember 2 traumatic events involving my mom being obviously drunk. As I got older, her drinking gave me tons of anxiety and I couldn't be around her when she drank. The thing is, she has never been a "falling down or black out" drunk. She drinks a bit of wine every night and doesn't believe that she has a problem at all. I feel that she does/has always had a problem because she always has that glass or two of wine every night and when I told her how it effected me she started to hide her wine in various places around the house. She doesn't drink a lot, but she drinks often and her drinking effects me negatively. I used to try to control her drinking a lot but now I just try to avoid her all together when she drinks and since I'm not living with her anymore it's not as much of an issue.

I have many of the personality traits of an ACoA, so I decided to go to a meeting tonight. I felt as though everyone there were raised by parents or a parent who was an obvious alcoholic/ grew up in very dysfunctional/abusive homes. Although I know that my mom has always had a drinking problem and it has definitely effected my personality, my upbringing other than that was supportive and loving. I felt like an outsider at the meeting and I'm not sure if it's for me.

Can anyone give me their opinion on this?

DavidG

I think most of us feel like an outsider first time round.
That I some of the chief things about being an adult child.

Most groups say- take in six meetings and then decide if
it is for you...

My ESH... just my opinion...

-DavidG.

Kialua

Well that is something only you can know I guess. Read through this thread and see what you think:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html

EveningRose

I think if the meetings help you, continue to go, and don't worry too much about labels.

Like you, I never saw my AF falling down drunk. Although I now wonder if he was half-sloshed so often that I didn't realize that wasn't the 'real' him--because I have a cousin who says every time she sees him, he's half off his rocker.

Regardless, I never thought he was drunk. He held a great job, never missed a day of work, wasn't passed out on the floor.

I originally went to al-anon trying to deal with my now-ex husband's behavior, as his father is an alcoholic (also) and I hoped it would help me deal with my husband's behavior.

It very much did. Although I only went for 6 months, I got several of the day by day books, and it really helped me get over that hump of realizing I couldn't control it, and that I still had the power to live my life and find joy and goodness in each day, that I still had the power to put good into the world each day, regardless of how he chose to spend his hours on earth.

It was only a couple of years later that things exploded with my family, I did more looking, started thinking about the fact that my dad was diagnosed 26 years ago as an alcoholic, and realizing how much my family falls into all the family roles, all the dysfunctions, all of it.

So...if the meetings help you, go. Don't worry too much about what label fits at this stage.

goalofsobriety

Thanks for the responses. Attending 6 meetings before I make my decision sounds like a plan. I really just want to meet other like minded people who have issues around other people's drinking. There are tons of meetings (both AToA and Al-Anon) in my area so it might just be finding the right one for me that'll do it.