Tryingtoheal4

Hello all. This makes day 6 for my husband in rehab. He went to rehab for his addiction to opiates, what he is having trouble facing is his addiction to Xanax. He is prescribed Xanax for panic attacks that he truly does have, tho I feel that they are substance abuse related. We have been together almost 2 years and we have 4 kids, my two sons (14 & 10) his daughter (9) and our son who is 4 months old. When we first started to see each other I felt that he had a pain pill addiction and quickly cut ties, only to find that I was pregnant and I actually missed him. I miscarried that pregnancy, but that is what got us back in touch with each other. From the time we met, we had always been really good friends and could talk to each other about anything. We hadn't been back together long when he opened up about his addiction. He had detoxed himself and was "clean" when he told me. We started our lives together and 5 months later he became really good friends with his boss and her gf who were both using opiates. Then came the lies, arguing, etc. he finally came clean with me, started suboxone, and we found out I was pregnant. He was determined to be clean. But he was still drinking heavily (but felt like it was ok bc it was done at home) He left that job for many reasons and began working for himself from our home. Things were going well. Our beautiful baby was born and life seemed settled and calm.4 weeks later he began seeing the family doctor that prescribes his Xanax, 3 weeks after that he injured himself and received a shot
Of morphine in the ER, followed by a script for 10 hydrocodones. Then began our downward spiral again. He had been associating with a guy that I knew to be a user and I began checking his phone records. They talked from the time he woke
Up until bedtime most days. I confronted him, he lied. As went the viscous cycle
For 2 1/2 months. Money was disappearing, I was working more and more hours with nothing to show for it. I knew he was lying to me. My instinct has always been good with him, I always know what's going on, but getting him to be honest is a different story. Finally, there was an explosion at our house and he left. I turned his phone off and moved his clothes into the garage. He came to me with honesty and what I felt was sincerity, he wanted
To go to rehab. So here we are. I've talked to him once
For 5 minutes, he spent the entire phone call complaining about the rehab facility not giving him his "prescribed" Xanax, complaining about how
Bad he hates it there but he is stuck. He chose
To go to rehab far away from home so that no one
Could come pick him up if he decided that he wanted to leave during detox. Due to the financial mess he has put us in, I can't pay for a
Plane ticket home...thankfully...so he is essentially stuck. I talk to his nurses everyday and have talked to his counselor once. His
Counselor is concerned about him not admitting his Xanax addiction and feels like rehab will take at least 6 weeks. His nurses report that he is doing well. He was considered "med seeking" bc he kept trying to get more Ativan. He is on a subutex and Ativan taper, but they say his mood
Is good. Today has not been a good day for him due to increased withdrawals. I'm afraid that he won't put his all in to rehab, but I'm hopeful that the man I love will find the strength and courage to face his demons and his addictions and come home to us sober. I have been through a list of emotions. Crying and sad because he's gone, anger, hurt, anger, worry, anger lol. I am now working on acceptance of his problems and of mine. Reading this forums has helped me greatly the last two days. Very few people know he is in rehab, and those who do know have little experience with this. Just wanted to share my story, look for guidance, and say thank you to all of the members for the peace and understanding that this forum has given me.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.

You shared a lot about your husband but very little about yourself. We are very big on self care around here. I found myself (particularly as a mother) so busy taking care of everyone else and there was always very little of "me" left for me. I look back now and realize what a mistake that was.

I found that I had to change my thought process so that I could redirect my energies. I found that help in Nar-Anon and Al-Anon....and working the steps. I took others excellent suggestion and began working the program I wished the addict in my life would.....it saved my life and my sanity.

Glad you found us. You aren't alone.

gentle hugs
ke

SundaysChild

It sounds like the rehab is doing the right thing - substituting a milder benzo for the Xanax, and tapering him off. My son had a much tougher time kicking the Xanax in rehab than the opiates - it took 6 weeks. The good news is that the Xanax addiction did not rear its head again after that. He truly was self- medicating his anxiety, and with proper anti-anxiety meds, he never went back to Xanax. The opiates, however, were another story.

Tryingtoheal4

Thank you Kindeyes. I realized as I typed it that it was centered around him. Sad I know. I'm a nurse, and even before he was a part of my life, as a nurse and mother, there was very little time left for thoughts of me. Now with and AH and an infant, I find that there is even less time. While he is away, I'm taking a day off work during the week while the kids are at school and daycare to focus on me. I truly feel like I have lost me in the madness. I've picked up
Codependent no more (a book I bought years ago bc from my family to my ex husband I've always had a problem with enabling) and I've started reading
It, I'm keeping a journal, exercising, and worrying about what I want and need. I took a picture of my AH 2 days before rehab of him passed out
In a chair on our front porch, due to Xanax, trazodone, and beer. I'm keeping that on my phone as a reminder of what I will not live with anymore.