Chickadees

I called 911 to get an ambulance for my AFWB (alcoholic friend with benefits). Yup.

I don't know how much he drank or if he took pills on top of that (he said he took a bunch of pills a couple of weeks ago, in an attempt to kill himself). Worse still, he was at my 90 yr old next-door neighbour's house.

"Sam" my neighbour is a lovely man who adores my AFWB (and AFWB adores Sam) in part because my AFWB has helped him out with some stuff around his house. Sam didn't know AFWB was an alcoholic and offered him a (hard) cider at around noon. They both had a cider on my patio and we all chatted for a little bit (I was drinking coffee). I noticed during the conversation AFWB suddenly seemed way more intoxicated than possible after only 3/4 of a cider. I put an end to the 'party' by telling Sam I had to go in and finish making lunch. AFWB and I chatted inside for an hour or more about his addiction and his plans for the future. Then my AFWB decided to go back to Sam's to return a slide projector Sam had lent him. He was gone for a bit. I had a shower, putted around then went over to Sam's to get AFWB. Sam had gone downstairs to his workshop and AFWB was passed out in Sam's living room on a chair.

I had trouble waking him. When he did open his eyes it was obvious he was messed up...couldn't focus, couldn't speak. I begged, pleaded and threatened him in an attempt to get him to get up and come back to my house. No go. I tried to physically pull him up (he's a foot taller than me) and he just sank onto the floor. I tried to pull him up by grabbing his hands and standing on his feet. No go. I tried lifting him from behind, he ended up falling back down and now he was lying on Sam's living room floor, incoherent. Sam in still in the basement oblivious to what's going on.

I couldn't move him and didn't know what or how much he had drank or otherwise ingested. I went down to tell Sam and AFWB is an A and that I was going to call an ambulance. Sam was so very kind and gentle ("I just thought he was tired and needed a nap so I let him be"). The ambulance came and after a while the paramedics finally got him to stand to walk out to the stretcher with considerable assistance. I told the paramedics about the alleged suicide attempt a couple of weeks ago and that he had been talking about suidide earlier today (in between visits with Sam).

I then took AFWB's dog to his Mom's house. His Mom and sister had not got the message I had left advising of the above. The three of us chatted for a bit and then I gave the two of them a ride to the hospital (they are car-less as AFWB was supposed to finish their car repair todoay).

As I just finished my last sentence the phone rang and it was from AFWB at his Mom's house. He was calling to tell me he is still alive (still drunk and or high). Talked to him Mom who basically said he did not want to stay in the hospital and they allowed him to take a cab home with them. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They had drawn blood, no results yet, had not seen a Dr yet and they allowed him to come home with them, in part, as his Mom said, as he may have made a scene. It isn't clear whether he signed himself out against medical advice or just left.

I'm so angry right now I could just spit. Feels like a direct hit to the gut. I think I may call the hospital right now to find out what the hell went on. In my view that had more than enough info to "form" him and require him to stay for 72 hrs for observation/assessment.

So that was how my Sunday afternoon was spent. I'm exhausted.

Impurrfect

((Chickadees)) - Sorry for the lousy day you've had. I understand you wanting to call the hospital but it's likely they will not tell you anything as it's a confidentiality thing.

Before I became an A, I was a nurse in a very busy ER where A's would often sign out against medical adivce, or just walk out when we were busy with other patients. Causing a scene never got anyone kicked out because we had city police in the ER (as well as a medical jail unit). Evaluation for suicidal thoughts goes past someone saying they want to die. I'm not taking the side of the hospital, just letting you know what it's like on their side.

Thing is, he's doing what he wants to do and until HE wants to change, he's not going to. My XABF#3 continued to use when I chose recovery, and though we shared the same addiction, I couldn't do a damned thing. He died because smoking that crack pipe was more important than going to a dr. for pneumonia...alone...in a crack house.

The best thing we can do is take care of US and let them do them. I had to put distance between me and the ex and it was the best thing for me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chickadees

Thank you Amy. Your response means a lot to me. I knew when I wrote that I was going to contact the hospital that a) I likely wouldn't and b) it's not my call to make. I was just mad and upset (still am). I've worked in and around the mental health field for almost 20 yrs now...I've see this scenario and sometimes how it's played out. I've just never experienced it up close and personal. It's been a huge education for me on many levels.

At this point I know I need to detach...to the point of no contact until and unless he completes rehab. Actually doing that will be another challenge I'm sure. Any suggestions re: how to successfully orchestrate "no contact" is welcome.

SR is such an insightful, knowledgeable and supportive community and I am thankful that SR exists and grateful for all the information and support available here.

Good Roads,
Chick

Impurrfect

((Chick)) - I thought I knew how to deal with a lot of stuff when I was a nurse, but when situations came up that were with people I cared about, it was totally different.

As far as detaching, there are several posts on it. I just moved away and was too high to notice (this is the man who wanted to marry me?). I know not answering calls, if he shows up at your house, tell him he is no longer welcome, no response to texts, etc.

It's not easy, but it does get much better in time. The first time I realized I was just living life and not wondering how he was, wondering if he even thought of me, it was a very peaceful moment and it made me want to continue it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tuffgirl

Prayers today, Chick. Not much else I can say. Hang in there,
~T

Learn2Live

First, this guy sounds like way more trouble than he's worth. Second, remaining FWB with him after suicide attempts and other irresponsible behavior you describe would not help him.