cranapple

My A(x)BF and I had a really rough 2-3 weeks of him drinking constantly, me telling him I was done and staying at friends houses for about 5 days and then he finally hit so far bottom that he went to the hospital. He finally decided to stop and he begged me to come back, saying if he drank again I could kick him out. (right!). So I said we'd see how it goes. He started going to a celebrate recovery meeting, he didn't drink at all for 2.5 weeks until today. He has been picking at me for every thing little the past few days and this morning I just blew up at him.

I told him how I angry I was at him for some things he did to me the other week when he had been drinking so much and I sick of the way he is still treating me and not apologizing for a single thing. I then stormed out of the house to get some peace. (mature I know). After visiting with my horse I decided to go to the store to get some cleaning supplies and I notice our other car there so I park nearby and see him going towards it with guess what! Wine and Beer. The psycho comes out in me and I walk towards him asking him to please please not drink and he told me no so I grabbed the wine and slammed the bottle on the pavement. He then proceeded to go back inside and get more(OF COURSE). I went home and locked the doors and he came back home and is drinking again and blaming it all on me. I AM SO MAD. Why was I so stupid!!! I had completely let go of him and was ready to move on and his manipulating ways drug me back me. I don't know why I believed him. I called his mother because the deal was if he drank I could tell his mom and she won't help him financially anymore. I hope she sticks to her word.

Now I'm all upset again and having to make a decision to leave because he refuses to move out. I'm the one who writes all the rent checks, the bills are in my name. My horse is right down the road. I found this place. Any ideas at how to get him to move out? Any experiences when they just flat out refuse to go??

lillamy

Call a lawyer.

suki44883

The laws are different in each state, so the best thing would be to get some legal counsel on how to go about making him leave. If his name is on the lease (or mortgage), it may not be possible to force him out. It may be you who will have to move. If he isn't on the lease/mortgage, you may be able to evict him but you will probably have to give him a certain amount of notice. Legal counsel will be able to tell you what your rights are. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but it isn't really unusual.

Titanic

If the place is rented to YOU, me thinks all you have to do is change the locks when he's not there and have the police ready if he causes trouble trying to get in or not getting out. You're not married and he doesn't own the house. FWIW. Sorry you are in this, one of many, alcoholism and addiction predicaments! Be strong. I wish you and your horse peace!

cranapple

Thanks I appreciate it.

Unfortunately his name is on the lease so I've been worried if I can do anything at all except get myself out.

I have such a great place except for him being here!

suki44883

Some have tried your suggestion, titanic and it didn't work. If he has been living there and using that address as his permanent residence for a certain length of time, it is considered his home in the eyes of the law. It may not sound fair, but it is the law in many places. Legal counsel is needed in this situation.

Titanic

Good point suki. Can it hurt to try though?

Slits

Either you can file for his Eviction or just move out until they Evict him for not paying Rent.

suki44883

Since his name is on the lease, the only person who can evict him is the landlord. You can try talking with the landlord to see if he/she can help you, but other than that, he has as much legal right to the house as you. How much longer do you have on the lease? You can always refuse to renew it and then he can do so on his own or move. You have the same options. I know it sucks.

Titanic

You have some trespasser in your place (again, assuming You are the renter on the lease and he is not). You can't lock him out or call the police? I doubt it.

But talking to a lawyer for free first can't hurt.

marie1960

If you end up having to move, don't forget to shut off any utilities that are in your name, a close friend really got screwed by a roommate, and alcohol was not even a factor.

cranapple

We signed a year lease when first moving in and now it's month to month as we've been here almost 2 years. I will definitely turn the utilities off if/when I move out and I need him to change one of the cars to his name or I can just report it stolen if he really makes me angry.

Of course it is ALL my fault he decided to drink again today. RIGHT.

Titanic

Sorry, just saw your post that his name is on the lease. I like suki's ideas in her last post. Talk to the landlord. Sign a one year lease just yourself starting after end of the month, and let the landlord handle the you have to move dude business as rented the place for a year???!!! Just a thought. May have to see that lawyer after all!

Slits

Shame on you ( ! ). You Hancuffed Him, Stuck a Funnel in his Mouth, and Poured Liquor Down his Throat. God knows he is not Responsible for that.

cranapple

Thanks for the laugh I needed it. LOL

Maylie

I'm in a similiar situation. I went to the leasing office and the staff with such a big smile on their faces said "Oh! You can take him off the lease no problem he just needs to sign that he no longer wants to be a lease holder and that he is moving out"! I just stared at them and wanted to be like "yeah because my AB will willingly sign off a lease and make himself homeless while he is broke and 12 hours away from anyone he knows besides me".

-sigh- I too recommend legal cousel. I am in law school if only this was in two years I would have something really useful to add and I would have an answer for you and for me I am so proud of you for making up your mind and sticking to it. I am not as secure in my feelings as to whether I want him to leave yet. (I am a recovering A so I seem to find it harder to turn my back even if I have every reason to turn my back).

It seems so unfair that you might have to move and give up a place you really like and one that is so close to your horse (btw I am so jealous that you have a horse!!!). When it comes down to it, the most important thing is that you are safe and that you will no longer have to deal with him though. I hope things go as smoothly as they can for you

hugs

Maylie

Titanic

One thing you have going for you is that the landlord knows what side the bread's buttered on and coming from.

Hypatia

Hmm..... if you move out then I assume that he won't be able to afford to keep the place. So then it will be available for you to rent again but in your name only?

Just thinking out loud.....

cranapple

I've been wondering about that myself! I wonder how long it will take him to get out and realize this.


And Thanks Maylie! I don't know what I would do without my horse!! She keeps me sane(somewhat). I always feel better when I get a hug from my horse and a relaxing ride.

SparkleKitty

Moving out may not be as logistically convenient for you, but is living with this unpredictable behavior really at all "convenient"? Only you can weigh the pros and cons of staying vs going, but going puts you -- not him -- in the driver's seat of your own contentment and peace of mind. It could be the more empowering option.

If you have a good relationship with the Landlord maybe you can ask him to give you a heads up as soon as it becomes available again? Without you there, the place may not look so good anymore to the ABF, and he may not look like such a prize renter to your Landlord.