clearhead44

Ok i've gone and done it again except this time the fallout is bigger than ever the only problem is I dont remember much of it.... I have recollections of walking to the store to buy more alcohol, talking on the phone to alot of people drunken ramblings (omg the bill!) my son begging me not to drink anymore, my partner coming into my house and taking all his stuff, my best friend getting stuck in the middle of it all which ended in the police being called and dragging everyone in work into the mess via phone etc i've said things about other people told people things about other people they didnt need to know completely ruined relationships everything is such a mess I dont know where to start I dont know all the details of the damage i've caused im a mess i've obviously been crying (cant recall) but my eyes are all swollen so thats a sign im completely at a loss where to start potentially i've lost my partner my friends and my job all in 2 bottles what to do now.........

Huey

The best reparation you can do for yourself (and ultimately others) is to get safely detoxed, and commit to a program of recovery. The rest of the things will sort themselves out (or not) with time.
Although a bloke, I have done very very similar things over the drinking years, resulting in all kinds of **** and problems, institutions, prisons, suicide watches, etc etc. But today, I can report, that with sobriety, and an ordered lifestyle, things are pretty much amazing.
Good Luck.

llastchance8

Clearhead, all of us have done things like this under influence. As mentioned by Hue, the best way to tackle this is to get detoxed safely first. Then, seek support through any support group and commit to the recovery. If you keep trying to remember , what actually happened or what kind of damages could have been caused, you will feel more and more guilty and it will lead you to drink again. Whatever has been done, can not be undone now. But , you can always prevent the future occurrence. Once you get sober and brain fog clears, you may get courage to seek forgiveness from people whom you might have harmed, through this incident. Please , try to read Big Book or listen to AA tapes on Silkworth.net, attend a local AA meeting OR look at AVRT, Smart recovery , lifering. Anything which might work for you.. We , all SR members , share and feel your pain . We pray for you to get courage for coming out of this.

Dee74

Welcome back clearhead
I'm sorry to see you're still struggling.

This can be your turning point...you need never feel like this ever again...
but I believe if you want change in your life you're going to have to make changes.

Have you thought more about checking out AA or some other recovery group?

D

Sapling

Bottom line you can't help yourself if you're still drinking....Forget about what you've done and put your energy towards what you can do....Talk with a doctor and make a plan to get cleaned up safely....Be honest about your drinking....Then get honest with yourself with what you are going to do about stopping for good....Alcohol cost me everything....At least I found a way out of that before it killed me. Good luck to you....Be sure and read and post here for online support.

Vall

Dear clearhead44,

sorry that you had such a bad night. It may all seem very unretrievable right now, and although they will be pretty mad, I am sure your loved ones know that it was not the "real you" talking...don't give up hope. Find the real you again and things will start to get better.

least

I felt hopeless about myself too. Thought I could never quit drinking and that I was doomed to an alcoholic life and death. But with the help and support of my counselor and the people on SR I made it and have been happily sober for almost three years now.

I wish you the best in your sober journey.

Sugarfix

Well tomorrow is a new day and things always seem worse in the morning, especially combined with a hangover.

We've all been there.

Your partner and friends will calm down and if you look on the positive side, people will see that you need help.

Sasha4

At the moment things may seem very raw.
They will be as these things happened last night.

The best thing you can do is learn from it.
Learn how to make these things, events, episodes never happen again.
That might be AA, RR, SR, a chat with your GP, a chat with
a friend who might understand.

The danger is these raw, cringing, shameful, desperate, hopeless feelings will waer off in time. They always do. Gradually, one or two drinks will creep back in until in another six months you might be writing a similar post again and the content could be worse - an arrest, your name in the paper, a big fine, inury, injury to someone else.

To try and make you feel better, I have no qualms whatsover telling you that I brought the police to my door, I brought shame on my family, I hurt my career, I hurt people I loved, I lied to myself,I lied to others,I let me down, I let others down.

All because I could not get it into my thick head that I could not drink like other people.
Now I think to myself 'if I drink, I cannot promise my saftey or the saftey of others'.

And it is so true that there are plenty of times, in fact hundreds of times that I have regretted drinking, but I have NEVER regretted not drinking....



I wish you the best xxxx

clearhead44

Thankyou all for your replies it helps knowing you've been there too after drinking for so many years I knew it would be hard i was amazed I went 12 days sober to be honest and I did start feeling better, then went on a 7 day bender and look what happens.. I know that im not like other people where drinking is concerned just need to face the fact I cant drink at all thanks all x