Lost3000

Now THIS is funny. I highly suggest anyone struggling try to go back and see what they wrote in the past. This is over a year ago. I was still not getting it. I was still not ready, not ready to admit I was a drunk, not honestly ready to let it go. I held on to the notion that somehow, someday, I might be able to drink again:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...a-meeting.html

Oh and the annoying person? I love him to death now. And that group? It's my home group. It's not full of bums, it's full of regular Joes - I just could not freaking see that. Why did he bug me so - because I was the pompous high and mighty one.

I go most days of the week and on the weekend I go to one by my house.

Lost3000

Dee: I see I joined in March 2009 but don't see any of my posts. Is there a way to drudge those up??

Lost3000

From another one of my posts, last year, before I got sober. I don't know why I couldn't see it. I see it clear as day now. I wasn't trying to connect, I was focused on differences. And it's all such B.S. - it has nothing to do with connecting or relating. It has to do with myself, and my complete denial. I was using every excuse in the book to not accept who I am and not get sober. I honestly didn't want to quit then. I loved drinking and drinking worked for me. For a time.

"It is hard to relate when the people in the room are not in my same situation. Everyone says to try to connect to someone, and I seemingly can't. If I saw that the guy down the hall is battling too, I feel it would help me relate. I'm not saying that all of us don't have the same problem, or that I'm better than, I'm just trying to connect."

Not in my same situation - pft!!!!!! Really? And what freaking situation is it that only special me is in and not the rest of them in the room???

Caledonia1

Funny how we go full circle. When I first joined AA there was a particular person who really annoyed me too, he always seemed to know best, gave that knowing smile.........lol I avoided said persons meetings for weeks.........but now.........hey this person is full of wisodm and a total gem.

Lost3000

Nicky: That part is funny to me too but what's disturbing to me is my refusal to accept the truth. It's annoying to me that I spent all that time -- wasting time ---.

Caledonia1

Do you mean when you were drinking?

Lost3000

Sorry - yes - the above old post (link) is from when I was drinking. I was struggling. I would go to a mtg. but drink. I just didn't get it. I finally quit for good Jan. 1 this year.

elihoping

Such a different voice in your post back then!

Dee74

I don't see any of your posts before 2011 either - did you lurk?

D

Lost3000

It's funny, it doesn't seem all that different to me, in voice I mean. It sounds just like me. Only I'm amazed at how I couldn't see the truth.

Dee, I guess I did lurk. : (

Bummer!!! I posted a lot back then at another site, mostly stuff about my marriage. I couldn't figure out why we weren't getting along. :rotfxko

Dee74

The search function here eludes me a lot Lost lol...but yeah I looked around here during March 2009...didn't see ya?

D

Lost3000

Well, I clicked on my name and chose "see posts by Lost3000". I then went back to what I thought was the first one. Who knows.

I'm surprised I just lurked. I guess it's possible??!! LOL

Dee74

that will only give you the first 500 posts.

D

DisplacedGRITS

i love it, Lost! i too remember going to AA meetings thinking "OMG! i have nothing in common with these bums! who are these people?" now, when i make the drive back to my home group (an hour north) i get hugs and smiles all around. people i love to see, people i know to be careful hugging (bone crackers i call em), people who still give me little cards with AA sayings even though i've got a million of them! friends all. thanks for the inspiration to go back and revisit the earlier times.

i read my old ones from time to time. i was drinking in several of them. the panic and fear in them is so sad. it's like i'm not the same person. i haven't felt fear like that since i sobered up. to think, i lived like that on a daily basis!

Lost3000

ohhhhhh. Is there a way to search ALL posts by me? I just looked around and didn't see anything.

Dee74

I'd use it if I knew of a way LOL.
As I said I've never had much luck with the search function

[but see below ]

D

freshstart57

Dee, is there a way to see our posts which are before the last 500? I would like to know too. I'd like to look back at my posting history as well.

Dee74

refer above LOL
The only way I found my first post is I know the day I joined - I went back page by page in Newcomers til I found it


I'm afraid I don't know everything guys - sorry

D

Hevyn

Congratulations on your enlightenment, Lost. Very interesting post - glad you shared. Amazing how your AA group grew on you.

Lost3000

Nah, I think I'm good. I've searched and searched. So in March 2009...that was when I had the huge fight with my husband, and quit (for him) until my vacation, which would've been in May or June I believe. When I came back, I continued drinking.

So that explains why no posts from me...Until 2011, when I realized I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Mostly sick - LOL. I had just drank myself right back to where I was pre-quitting. So I began to formulate my plan and set the quitting date of Jan. 1.

Which seemed like a good idea at the time... Now I'm having to come up with something to do on NYE that's drastically different. I can't sit around at home, or go to a bar, it's just way too close to my old life.