pearl1806

hi everyone
I have started my second day of being sober today, and I want it to continue. I am 21 and i dont want to keep living like i have been, i dont want to throw my life away. I am living at college which is not the ideal place to become sober I realise, and studying law at university. I am scared of what i am turning into, the last time i drank I had 2 bottles of vodka by myself in my room. I have had trouble with drinking over the past 3 years or so, and while I would not be able to stop at parties very often, the real problem is drinking my myself, during/ before uni and work, just to help me get through.
I know there are other young people who have decided to become sober, but I feel very alone in all this, my friends at college all drink a fair amount when they go out, it is a deeply entrenched culture, and I am always susceptible to peer pressure, even if it merely the fact that everyone else is getting drunk.
I plan on going to my first AA meeting tonight, I am very apprehensive about it, I don't want to feel I am the only one my age stupid and weak enough to get in this horrible place so early in life.
Sorry if this post seems very disjointed, I don't really know what to write so I am just typing what comes into my head!

Thanks!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Pearl

There's a lot of support here - a lot of young people, and a fair smattering of AA members too

Best of luck with your meeting - good to have you join us

D

SeekSobriety

Hi Pearl,
It's awesome that you came to this board and have decided to go to a meeting tonight.
Please know that you are not alone, there are many other students in your college going through similar issues with alcohol and substances. I myself and so many others of us have gotten sober through AA meetings, What worked for me was to go to a different meeting each day, eventually you will find a few meetings that you really enjoy. Also what worked for me was raising my hand as a new comer and speaking with a old timer, ask them to be your temporary sponsor. Trust me, these many of these old timers know what it takes to get and stay sober. If you follow the 12 steps and the advice of a old timer who follows the Big Book of AA, I am telling you from experience you can and will stay sober. Good luck to you, please let us know how it goes!

Hevyn

Hi Pearl! You did a great job posting. I'm so glad you found us. You aren't alone with this - and there are many people in their 20's here on SR.

I felt relief as soon as I posted here. I knew I was in great company. I didn't have anyone else in my life who really understood what I was going through. I could just be myself here and no one made me feel strange. I hope you'll continue posting, and that you find the encouragement you need. You are brave and wise to be doing this at a young age. Be proud of yourself, and never give up.

MrsKing

Welcome to SR, Pearl

I'm 24 and I've been sober five months. I can understand why you're worried about quitting when so many of your friends drink and when drinking is such a large part of social life for young people. But just because it is considered acceptable, doesn't mean it is a good thing to do.

I didn't want to throw my life away either... I didn't want to spend my life drunk, hating myself, drinking too much even when I knew drinking wasn't a good idea. Being sober has totally turned my life around - I'm doing things I've always wanted to do and I'm having more fun than ever.

You can be sober, Pearl. Never forget that

Wishing you all the best x

pearl1806

hi everyone!
thank you for your posts, it actually means so much to me to know there are people out there who can understand how desperate you can feel after realising your life is not what you wanted it to be, and that there are ways to pull yourself back up.
at this time in my life i dont feel i can tell any of my friends at college about the problems i am having with alcohol, and my parents are on the other side of the country (and neither have ever had any problems with drinking, they really cannot understand my behaviour), so hopefully here and at AA i can find people who can relate, because i feel so alone sometimes (which is very often why i reached for that bottle of vodka)
i am reading the big book, is there any other publications that anyone has found useful when they first started out?
Thanks!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Pearl

I'm sure you'll find AA a good support for you.

It might be worth trying to seek out sober (or at least soberish) friends at Uni. Maybe joining clubs which centre around sport or other non drinking activities.

I found Living Sober was a really useful book and Don't let the Bastards Grind you Down: 50 Things every alcoholic and addict in early recovery should know by Georgia W.

Glad you're here x

CarolD

Congratulations for seeking a better future....

Please let us know how the AA meeting was...younger people
are coming into the program all the time. Some meetings
have a younger crowd than others.

The BB may be hard to relate to for awhile...it was written by
mainly men who were far along in their alcoholism.
Check out the Stories section in the back...they have
newer expereinces.

The base of the AA program is the AA Steps.
There is another book you might be interested in..it's often
at meetings....ask someone about the 12&12.

Welcome to our recovery community...

MightyMung

Hey man, I'm a couple of years younger than you and there are some things that you have to come to terms with if you're sincere about quitting. I know what it's like wanting to change your ways at this age, and it's bloody hard. The following facts are hard to swallow, but once you accept them you can try to get on with getting clean.

- You say you feel very alone in all this. The unfortunate fact is that most people are able to drink normally, especially at our age. Lots of my friends do not even understand what alcoholism is, as to them it remains the illness of the bloke in the corner of the pub, sobbing into his pie and chips and guzzling discount whiskeys. As soon as you realise that you can't drink in the same way that your friends can, you'll stop trying to, and although this may make you feel bitter and resentful (I know I felt this way), it will help you in recovery. Try to ignore peer pressure, get to know your psyche. If you're naturally arrogant, use this to your advantage; think to yourself "I pity my drunken friends". If you're naturally empathetic, think to yourself "I feel sad for my drunken friends." ANYTHING to distance yourself from their behaviour and the peer pressure.

- I know personally I would always attempt to copy my friends drinking styles. I'd be out with friend A on Monday, friend B on Tuesday, C on Wed, etc etc. The pattern here is that my individual friends would be out with me ONE day a week, and i'd be out with my different friends EVERY day of the week, meaning for each day they drank, I drank for SEVEN (including days I was in on my own). Following on from my first point, try to identify your drinking pattern to see if any of this rings true. If it does, you'll likely need to boycott nights out/gatherings etc. It's not the end of the world - in fact, many of my relationships have been strengthened, since people enjoy my company more when it's slightly harder to get that just saying "Hey Jake, I want to get high, what've you got tonight?" Make your time exclusive - realise that you don't need to attend every drinking event, and with time, you'll stop wanting to.

- Hobbies. I've found one of the reasons I became so adept at drinking/ amateur pharmacology is because I had a void that needed filling. So, I became the group authority on drugs, drink and how to justify it to oneself. I would peer pressure others into drinking/using with me, because my scientific knowledge convinced them that they were safe. I am actually responsible for two hospitalisations that I regret more than anything. The point i'm getting at, is that for people our age who may not have found a solid hobby before getting into drinking, drinking is likely to have become our hobby. Whether or not you took it to the extremes I did (I was tempted to sort of brag then about how "extreme" my behaviour is: old habits die hard...) you should consider whether there was anything missing that caused you to start drinking. I for one had NO hobbies whatsoever. I'm currently trying to cultivate some more civilised hobbies that don't involve waiting at train stations for drug dealers while bragging about it on the phone to "friends".

- Another important thing to consider is university. You're studying law I see. Have you applied for training contracts/vac schemes yet? (This is a British thing, apologies if it isn't relevant). If not, throw yourself into that. I'm actually doing exactly that at the minute, and although i'm far from clean, i've found that focusing intently on such a goal is helping me to appreciate being sober/hangover free. I'm enjoying how cognitively sharp I am feeling in comparison to how I felt a few weeks ago, and trying to savour each breath/each inch of progress towards becoming a solicitor.

Anyway, I suppose these "tips" aren't really tips after all, but I like to reach out to fellow young people who are having difficulties. It is probably a semi-selfish thing; it makes me feel less alone in my own struggle, since as I said in my first point, no-one my age even recognises our problem, never-mind consciously suffers at the hands of it. I hope you feel slightly less alone knowing there's one more young alcoholic out there. If you ever want a chinwag let me know, and I hope at the least you can find something to help you in this post .

backbeat

Hi Pearl. You're definitely not stupid or weak. Welcome to the board. Looking forward to hearing about tonight's meeting. Congratulations on 2 days!

NoFireWater

Hi Pearl, I think you're doing this at exactly the right time! My life would have been very different if I had had the courage to admit alcohol was a problem for me when I was your age. I really liked Drinking A Love Story by Caroline Knapp-very good book!

You have come to a great place, and will not feel alone in this anymore. Welcome

pearl1806

Wow, thank you for all the encouragement and perspective.
@ NoFireWater, CarolD and hypochondriac, thanks for your book suggestions!

@ MrsKing: its good to know there are other young people here who saw where drinking was leading and want to stop for good!

@ MightyMung: thanks so much for your post, I can certainly relate to lots of your points! the sad thing is I had many hobbies and interests before I started drinking but gradually drinking began to take precedence. I 100% agree with you about how much more clearly you can concentrate when you are sober, its fantastic, and i really can't afford to be in an alcohol haze and maintain good grades! Do you go to AA meetings?

Sobersunshine

Pearl, congrats on day two! I'll bet a lot of people wished they had stopped at your age, rather than continue for years and years and years. Hope AA helps. It is really helping me. There is a huge range of ages in my group, from about 20 to 70! I'm about in the middle lol. Todd luck to you and welcome to SR. I love this place and am so grateful to have found it.

BoozeFree

Welcome to SR. Like other people already said there's a good amount of young people around that are sober. I'm 25. There's a 30 and under group on here as well as a class of sept thread for everyone that has decided to get sober this month.

DisplacedGRITS

hey pearl, i just wanted to say that you're neither stupid nor weak. you're an alcoholic like us. none of us here are stupid and weak. we're alcoholics. most of us are pretty intelligent, hard working, caring, strong people. we're just alcoholics. and that's ok. you're even better. you're a young alcoholic. a young alcoholic who isn't in denial. you've got an amazing gift there. time. you're going to have more time in recovery and less time in active alcoholism and that is just amazing because people don't get time back. so in a way you're lucky. very lucky. you're not just telling yourself "i'm young, i'm in college! of course i drink!" many an alcoholic squandered years of their life saying that. the words chance but the tune stays the same. "i'm young! it's a high pressure job! of course i drink!" "i'm stressed at home! my family drives me crazy! of course i drink!" so don't be down on yourself. you're the farthest thing from stupid and weak. to see what you see already and at such a young age? you are amazingly perceptive, smart and strong to be taking on such a task. i wish i had been.

pearl1806

hey everyone, just thought i would let you all know how my first aa meeting went. I was so nervous walking into the room, but i was greeted almost instantly which made me feel a little better. I introduced myself to the group, and saying I was an alcoholic was a bit scary, saying it out loud I mean because I have already acknowledged it to myself before. Listening to the other member's stories about courage (it was a topic meeting) was very emotional for me, there was something that each person said that resonated with me. I did share, not for very long, but I tried to articulate why I was there. Afterwards lots of the members gave me their phone numbers and i had a chat with quite a few of them, I feel much better about going to AA now and will go to another meeting tomorrow or the next day.
I am ending this day feeling far more hopeful than this morning, thank god

sugarbear1

search: young people in aa city state

I wish you well in life!

least

Welcome to the family! I wish I'd quit drinking at such a young age... You're doing the right thing and if you quit drinking now you won't have tons of regrets when you get to be my age.

Db1105

I got sober when I was 17 with the help of AA, but that was a long time ago. Now my kids are in college. My youngerst daughter always makes fun of me when I start my sentence with " back when I was in college"... But, back when I went to college, the town had a local recovery clubhouse with a lot of meetings. It was a great supportive community including townies, students, and even some professors. The help is there if you want it.

MightyMung

I don't go to AA no, I tried it in the past and although I had some positive experiences I feel it really isn't for me. I cannot accept the notion of "powerlessness", and I respond far better to rational recovery (AVRT).