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Old 09-13-2012, 02:05 AM
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New member, feeling a bit lost

Hi,

Not really sure why I am here to be honest. I am confused about my mind and my drinking. I suffer with depression and have done since I was a teenager. Certain things trigger my moods such people being overly critical of me or people with negative attitudes. I tend to be happy and positive when I'm in the right environments and consequently when in I'm a stressful or negative situation I feel very low.

I drink as well. I doubt my problem is anywhere near as bad as some of the people who are suffering on this forum. That said, to me its a problem and I guess regardless of how much we all drink each persons situation is different and all cases are non the less important.

I don't drink everyday, I might have a couple of days in the week when I'm sober. Thing is after I have been 2 or 3 days without a drink my mind or a little voice inside me convinces me to have a drink even when I dont actually feel like one. Once I have my first drink there is no turning back. I dont actually get drunk every time i drink, but i certainly drink more than I should just to feel a little light headed. My wife does not drink much and although she does not mind me having a drink although she does not condone heavy drinking. As she is not a big drinker it makes me feel uncomfortable drinking in front of her and this is where part of the problem is. I have started being very clever with my drinking such as always buying the same brand so its not so noticeable when i buy more. I also subtly hide alcohol such as in the kitchen cupboards and in the back of drinks cabinet. I sneak the empties out so she cant keep track of how much im drinking and I also slip booze into the house when she is not there to replenish my stock.

Drinking and depression are bad combination as i feel they both feed off each other. I really need to knock the drinking on the head but its hard, sometimes I just have to have a drink despite knowing what i am doing is wrong. When I feel low I just want to drink, i want to feel numb. Drinking helps me escape for a while.

What do i tackle first the depression or alcohol? Totally scared about what to do next. Im not ready to admit to anyone that i have depression or a drink issue. I keep kidding myself that i can sort this stuff out on my own. My life in general is good. I'm happily married and have two great kids. I have a nice house and I run my own business. The business is very stressful and definitely contributes to both problems. I need to learn how to keep on top of things and I how to be positive. If I could just sort myself out my future could be really fantastic.

Thanks,


Sneeker
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:31 AM
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Welcome to SR- I am sure you will get a lot of support and advice here

Alcohol did not bring me happiness or stable moods. As far as I am aware it is not a recommended medical treatment for anything. My addiction brought me plenty of grief. Only in retrospect do I recognise it diminished my capacity to deal with stress. Many on the boards are "high functioning" as well. I am professionally employed, and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle- I could however see where my drinking was taking me, and that was no where good. It was not until I started to cut back/moderate/'try' to quit that I slowly began to acknowledge the powerful and insidious nature of what I was dealing with.

I am sure you will get other responses soon.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:34 AM
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Welcome to sr!
I also suffer from depression and it was 10x worse combined with alcohol.
you can reclaim some happiness with sobriety and its so worth it.
(There is a section on depression/anxiety here too)
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by sneeker View Post

Drinking and depression are bad combination as i feel they both feed off each other.

What do i tackle first the depression or alcohol?
Sneeker
I think you answered that question for yourself, alcohol is a depressant. It may ease the pain (for a while)...but it also adds to it.

Have you talked to a Dr. about your depression and drinking problem?

Glad your here Sneeker! You'll find lots of suggestions and support! Keep posting!
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:49 AM
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Thing is after I have been 2 or 3 days without a drink my mind or a little voice inside me convinces me to have a drink even when I dont actually feel like one.

This is a red flag as far as I am concerned.

Drinking caused all my depression and doomsday thoughts, I had panic attacks and itchy skin all the time , it's all gone now completely.

Maybe stop completely for a 100 days and see how you feel.

if you do not have a problem this will be easy.

I will say though that life free from the drinking and the obsession over alcoHELL is much much better.

Good luck.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:53 AM
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Hello and welcome to SR

Thing is after I have been 2 or 3 days without a drink my mind or a little voice inside me convinces me to have a drink even when I dont actually feel like one. Once I have my first drink there is no turning back.
When I feel low I just want to drink, i want to feel numb. Drinking helps me escape for a while.
These 2 things sound exactly like I was six months ago. I would have one glass, thinking that would be all, and then continue to drink until I passed out. I used to drink to escape, too... it stopped me thinking about all my troubles in life and meant that I could 'relax' and 'enjoy myself'.

What do i tackle first the depression or alcohol?
This was such a big question for me, too. I thought that if I wasn't so depressed, I wouldn't drink so much and I'd be OK. The problem, I thought, was that I wasn't happy in life but if I was, I wouldn't drink so much. But I was totally wrong... I drank because it made me forget about my depression, sure, but alcohol made me more depressed the next day, and because I couldn't cope with my life without a few drinks, I was really just adding to everything. I quit five months ago and I've never been happier. I would say that without a doubt, giving up alcohol lifted my depression. Not being a drunk any more put that sense of pride back into myself - I was able to look at myself in a mirror and be happy with what I saw, I didn't have to beat myself up any longer for drunken mistakes.

I promise you, that if you give up alcohol, your depression will get SO much better, if not disappear completely.

I hope you stick around - there's lots of encouragement and support here.
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:14 AM
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Welcome to SR Sneeker. Loads of great people here with great advice.

Thanks MrsKing. You are soooo right :-)
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:27 AM
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welcome
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:32 AM
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Hi and welcome sneeker
Lots of good advice here

I know two things - using alcohol to try and mange my depression did not work.

I also had to tackle both my depression and my drinking - I may have started out self medicating with alcohol but I ended up with two very real problems.

Seeing your Dr is often a good first step, I think

I know it's scary but denying the problem and putting off doing anything just makes everything worse.

good to have you join us
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:32 AM
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Welcome to SR sneeker,glad you are here.
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:50 AM
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Wow, thanks for all the replys! Its nice to know there are people who understand what I am going through.

This may sound strange but at the moment I don't class myself as an alcoholic. I guess its a label I'm not comfortable with and deep down not ready to admit. I don't really know at what stage in a drinkers life can you actually say 'yup I'm definitely an alcoholic'

I don't drink everyday, i don't drink in the morning and I don't feel i need a drink just to get through the day. I just want to drink when I'm feeling low and even then I don't drink enough to appear drunk. I drink enough to feel it without my wife noticing. I also drink 'normally' with friends or with my wife when we go out for dinner. I like the normal drinking and its part of my life I look forward to and enjoy. I don't like the sneaky drinking or the need to escape from reality every now and then. I wish I could just be a normal drinker but I would imagine that is not easy when I have a side to me that drinks to forget or feel better about myself.

I drank last night, that's probably why i'm feeling remorseful today. I was not really drunk but I managed to get through a bottle of wine and 2 beers. Probably not a huge amount to some people. The problem is i did this without my wife knowing. All she saw was me having one glass of wine. I feel horrible about this, like I'm leading a double secret life. I hate sneaking booze into the house. The other day she was out in the garden with the kids and I had to do a quick military operation to get the booze from my car safely into the drinks cabinet without her seeing. Its crazy. I've obviously got an issue and although it may not be really bad right now I think its got the potential to turn into a big problem. I cant believe how easy it is to drink in secret, its scary what I can get away with.

I need to sort myself before it gets any worse. Quick question, can I ever be a normal drinker or is that just to risky? I love going to the pub and out for meals. Not being able to have a beer or a glass of wine would be a massive loss in my life. What I just typed sounds really stupid and selfish. Why do I want to continue with something that is causing me so much grief? How would I interact in social environments without drinking? Going out for a nice meal without a drink just sounds alien to me. Drinking is definitely ingrained deep into society. Apart from the physical and physiological addiction its also a massive part of my life and the scary thing is that without alcohol there would be a huge void that would need to be filled with something?

Thanks again for the support. The more I look into my life the more questions I keep finding.
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:54 AM
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Normal folks don't "sneaky-drink".
If it helps, i was like that for years too, but you dont realize that begins to escalate.
Im not AA, but the cunning. Baffling is all too true
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:02 AM
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Not being able to have a beer or a glass of wine would be a massive loss in my life.
Why would it be a massive loss? If you didn't need alcohol, or had absolutely no problem with alcohol, then I don't think it would matter whether you had a glass of wine or beer with your meal. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but that's what I think.

I used to think of it as a loss, too - all the things I'd miss out on if I didn't drink. The reality is that I've gained so, so much from being sober.

Whether you're an alcoholic or not doesn't matter. Umm-ing and aaah-ing over this until you come to a conclusion isn't worth it, and many people go on to drink for years despite the fact that alcohol is having a massive negative impact on their lives, just because they don't like the label 'alcoholic' and can't see themselves as one, due to the stereotype of the typical grubby, homeless, loveless alcoholic.

If you think your life would be more positive without alcohol, then I see no reason why you shouldn't give sobriety a go, even if it's just for a little while
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:38 AM
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Hey sneeker...I played that game for years...Hiding it from the wife...Make that ex wife...Family...I even hid it from my drinking buddies....That's pretty sick. It came down to two things for me....And when I saw it in the Big Book of AA...I understood my problem...I couldn't stop entirely...On my own....For good....And once I started drinking...I didn't ALWAYS have control over how much I drank....Could I answer one of those questions with a yes?....Both of them.....I knew I was an alcoholic. That actually helped me...Because when I denied it....I didn't have a problem....And if I don't have a problem...There is nothing for me to solve. So once I admitted it to myself...I got to work on it....I use AA and haven't had a drink in almost 15 months....Will that work for you?...I have no clue...I guess if you don't try it...You won't either. I'd recommend you find something that looks good to you...There are different ways people do it on this site...Look into them...Put the effort into it....And stop for good. Glad you are here...Good luck to you.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:47 AM
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Welcome to the family! It doesn't matter how big your problem is compared to others but how much it's affecting your life.

I gave up drinking almost three years ago and don't miss it one bit. Give sobriety a good try, like a couple months, and see if your depression starts to lift.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:21 AM
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How should I go about it? Do I just stop drinking or do I start cutting down?

I have been thinking about going to the GP but to be honest I just don't want to. I'm afraid that people will find out what is going on and I'm quite a private person so i think that would make my situation worse.

Its just a vicious circle. I get depressed, anxious or stressed and I want to drink. The next day I feel **** about the drinking and then feel guilty and ultimately depressed again. The cycle goes on and on and on. What scares me the most about the depression and the drinking is actually 'coming out' to the people that matter like my wife and family. I don't want to disappoint them and I don't want them to worry about me and I don't want them to treat me differently. I don't want to be constantly scrutinized and watched either.

I'm going to try to not drink tonight and see how it goes. Easier said then done because right now I really feel like having a drink. I'll have a go anyhow, nothing to lose. If drink tonight I'll try again tomorrow.

I think that some kind of talk therapy might help me. I have heard about CBT and NLP, not 100% sure what either are but I like the sound of someone trying to help me rather than get prescribed drugs.

It is hard enough to admit you have a problem, its even harder to have 'that' conversation with someone close to you. Scary stuff. I think I could probably tell my wife that I have depression, don't think I could tell her about the drinking.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:42 AM
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Try a night sober. One day at a time. If you are open to therapy, do it!!! We are all here for you. Together, we can do it.
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by sneeker View Post
How should I go about it? Do I just stop drinking or do I start cutting down?

I have been thinking about going to the GP but to be honest I just don't want to. I'm afraid that people will find out what is going on and I'm quite a private person so i think that would make my situation worse.
I'm going to be honest with you sneeker....In order for me to get and remain sober....The first thing I figured out....Was I was going to have to do things I didn't want to do. If this was easy...It wouldn't be the problem that is. You can't worry about what other people think....It doesn't matter. For me this was about my life....Getting honest with my doctor is where I started...And that meant getting honest with myself.
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Old 09-14-2012, 01:13 AM
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Update...... Did not drink last night!

Really wanted to when I was at work, got home and somehow managed to convince myself I did not need it.

I had a really good nights sleep and I woke up without the usual fuzzy head.

Feels good.

Just gotta keep on track now.
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Old 09-14-2012, 01:19 AM
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Brilliant sneeker!

Well done and keep going. You already have 2 reasons to: You feel better this morning and I am sure your wife does too :>
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