A new level of insanity
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A new level of insanity
My ex, a substance abuser who is also a diagnosed sociopath called me 4 weeks ago to tell me he was in trouble.
We broke up 5 months ago and I never saw him again. I knew being with him was a huge mistake since I knew about him, his past and history, but we were "friends" before the relationship and throughout the entire relationship, I knew it was wrong.
In any case, he calls 4 weeks ago to tell me he's in trouble. He attacked a guy who he caught with his current gf.
He told me some huge story and I wasn't sure whether to believe him, but I listened. He asked if he can hide out at my house, to which I said "no way in he**"
He txt me and called a few times to talk. I listened. Not interested in being with him or seeing him.
He told me he was arrested and has a court date
Anyway, he shows up to talk to me the other night. Tells me he has a curfew and is alone.
I listened.
Now I just find out, the whole story was a lie. He is still with this girl and was coming around to get my attention.
Needless to say, I won't ever speak to him again.
But why I thought to listen or believe a diagnosed sociopath with a serious criminal history is one I need to seriously take a look at.
This need to believe people can be good is going to be the death of me if I don't wise up and toughen up.
All I can say is WOW! but really, from all that I've read on sociopaths, this should not shock me
A wolf in sheep's clothes for sure
But the bigger issue, is ME! Why can't I figure out what's wrong with me that I would even talk to this person again?
A few words were said and I know he will never contact me again. I said what was needed to keep him away from me for good.
We broke up 5 months ago and I never saw him again. I knew being with him was a huge mistake since I knew about him, his past and history, but we were "friends" before the relationship and throughout the entire relationship, I knew it was wrong.
In any case, he calls 4 weeks ago to tell me he's in trouble. He attacked a guy who he caught with his current gf.
He told me some huge story and I wasn't sure whether to believe him, but I listened. He asked if he can hide out at my house, to which I said "no way in he**"
He txt me and called a few times to talk. I listened. Not interested in being with him or seeing him.
He told me he was arrested and has a court date
Anyway, he shows up to talk to me the other night. Tells me he has a curfew and is alone.
I listened.
Now I just find out, the whole story was a lie. He is still with this girl and was coming around to get my attention.
Needless to say, I won't ever speak to him again.
But why I thought to listen or believe a diagnosed sociopath with a serious criminal history is one I need to seriously take a look at.
This need to believe people can be good is going to be the death of me if I don't wise up and toughen up.
All I can say is WOW! but really, from all that I've read on sociopaths, this should not shock me
A wolf in sheep's clothes for sure
But the bigger issue, is ME! Why can't I figure out what's wrong with me that I would even talk to this person again?
A few words were said and I know he will never contact me again. I said what was needed to keep him away from me for good.
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and what gets me is, I have a full life. I have an amazing business, lots of outside work, amazing friends, amazing family. Why do I need this in my life?
My life is never dull, I have plans all the time. I'm fit, smart, good looking but inside my head, I am just lost!
My life is never dull, I have plans all the time. I'm fit, smart, good looking but inside my head, I am just lost!
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For me, it took 11 long miserable years after I started my recovery from addictions before I ever seriously began to look at, and change, my codependent thinking/actions.
The first time I hung up on my EXAH after I heard his voice and realized it was him (this was way back before caller ID), I was so uncomfortable that I started to panic.
No, I did not call him back and apologize like my very being was screaming to do, but sat through the discomfort of a new behavior. Each time after that, it got easier. He eventually quit calling.
Change is uncomfortable, at least for me. So I continue to embrace familiar behaviors, dysfunctional though they may be, until I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I don't know why you continue to do what you do. I know in my case it was because the action/thinking was paying off for me in some way.
The first time I hung up on my EXAH after I heard his voice and realized it was him (this was way back before caller ID), I was so uncomfortable that I started to panic.
No, I did not call him back and apologize like my very being was screaming to do, but sat through the discomfort of a new behavior. Each time after that, it got easier. He eventually quit calling.
Change is uncomfortable, at least for me. So I continue to embrace familiar behaviors, dysfunctional though they may be, until I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I don't know why you continue to do what you do. I know in my case it was because the action/thinking was paying off for me in some way.
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Originally Posted by tbeit 
He sounds dangerous maybe you should change your #. Has he been violent with you? If so maybe a restraining order is in order
I also will not give anyone enough power over me to force me to change my number. It's my business number in any case and cannot change it
I am 1000% positive he won't come near me.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
For me, it took 11 long miserable years after I started my recovery from addictions before I ever seriously began to look at, and change, my codependent thinking/actions.
The first time I hung up on my EXAH after I heard his voice and realized it was him (this was way back before caller ID), I was so uncomfortable that I started to panic.
No, I did not call him back and apologize like my very being was screaming to do, but sat through the discomfort of a new behavior. Each time after that, it got easier. He eventually quit calling.
Change is uncomfortable, at least for me. So I continue to embrace familiar behaviors, dysfunctional though they may be, until I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I don't know why you continue to do what you do. I know in my case it was because the action/thinking was paying off for me in some way.
The first time I hung up on my EXAH after I heard his voice and realized it was him (this was way back before caller ID), I was so uncomfortable that I started to panic.
No, I did not call him back and apologize like my very being was screaming to do, but sat through the discomfort of a new behavior. Each time after that, it got easier. He eventually quit calling.
Change is uncomfortable, at least for me. So I continue to embrace familiar behaviors, dysfunctional though they may be, until I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I don't know why you continue to do what you do. I know in my case it was because the action/thinking was paying off for me in some way.
Yes there has to be a pay off......I think it's the need to be accepted. though I am by everyone, it's like men like this are my disease
ugh
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Diagnosed sociopaths are generally very good at "connecting" with people. They often use flattery, false humility or false self-deprecation, they can really light up a room and people are drawn to them. So do go easy on yourself. Even counselors get taken.
But ugh. Maybe a hot soapy shower to wash off the encounter.
But ugh. Maybe a hot soapy shower to wash off the encounter.
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Summerpeach,
I had the same thought "what's wrong with me?" in regards to my last relationship. There is a lot of literature out there about sociopaths/narcissists but I began looking for something that would provide insight into me - and my choices. I found a great book although I really hate it's title....Women Who Love Psychopaths. Definitely one I went on line for!
Anyway.....it identified that the most vulnerable women to narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths tended to be accomplished and score extremely high in loyalty and cooperation. They also tended to have a need for excitement. BINGO! Which is why my ex had me at hello.
I really appreciate the term "cognitive dissonance"......that helped to explain why I know what I know and then feel what I sometimes feel. Very confusing stuff....
I had the same thought "what's wrong with me?" in regards to my last relationship. There is a lot of literature out there about sociopaths/narcissists but I began looking for something that would provide insight into me - and my choices. I found a great book although I really hate it's title....Women Who Love Psychopaths. Definitely one I went on line for!
Anyway.....it identified that the most vulnerable women to narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths tended to be accomplished and score extremely high in loyalty and cooperation. They also tended to have a need for excitement. BINGO! Which is why my ex had me at hello.
I really appreciate the term "cognitive dissonance"......that helped to explain why I know what I know and then feel what I sometimes feel. Very confusing stuff....
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Freedom, what you said really spoke to me. I stick up for myself with my xah, and immeditely feel that unfortable urge to reach out and apologize and clear the air.
I'm going to sit on this new revalation for awhile and see where it takes me. I'm still letting my x get the best of me. I need to let that uncomfortable feeling just fell! I need to stop reacting and trying to fix. I am scared of his anger.
I'm going to sit on this new revalation for awhile and see where it takes me. I'm still letting my x get the best of me. I need to let that uncomfortable feeling just fell! I need to stop reacting and trying to fix. I am scared of his anger.
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Originally Posted by lightseeker
Summerpeach,
I had the same thought "what's wrong with me?" in regards to my last relationship. There is a lot of literature out there about sociopaths/narcissists but I began looking for something that would provide insight into me - and my choices. I found a great book although I really hate it's title....Women Who Love Psychopaths. Definitely one I went on line for!
Anyway.....it identified that the most vulnerable women to narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths tended to be accomplished and score extremely high in loyalty and cooperation. They also tended to have a need for excitement. BINGO! Which is why my ex had me at hello.
I really appreciate the term "cognitive dissonance"......that helped to explain why I know what I know and then feel what I sometimes feel. Very confusing stuff....
I had the same thought "what's wrong with me?" in regards to my last relationship. There is a lot of literature out there about sociopaths/narcissists but I began looking for something that would provide insight into me - and my choices. I found a great book although I really hate it's title....Women Who Love Psychopaths. Definitely one I went on line for!
Anyway.....it identified that the most vulnerable women to narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths tended to be accomplished and score extremely high in loyalty and cooperation. They also tended to have a need for excitement. BINGO! Which is why my ex had me at hello.
I really appreciate the term "cognitive dissonance"......that helped to explain why I know what I know and then feel what I sometimes feel. Very confusing stuff....
Also empaths (which most codies are) have a serious "attraction" to people with personality disorders.
And yes I am loyal and cooperative! Time to mix it up a bit ;-)
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Originally Posted by story74
Freedom, what you said really spoke to me. I stick up for myself with my xah, and immeditely feel that unfortable urge to reach out and apologize and clear the air.
I'm going to sit on this new revalation for awhile and see where it takes me. I'm still letting my x get the best of me. I need to let that uncomfortable feeling just fell! I need to stop reacting and trying to fix. I am scared of his anger.
I'm going to sit on this new revalation for awhile and see where it takes me. I'm still letting my x get the best of me. I need to let that uncomfortable feeling just fell! I need to stop reacting and trying to fix. I am scared of his anger.
I am done though. I won't let this person back into my life.
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