Weasel1966

Since starting in ernest to abstain around the beginning of April 2012, I have racked up more sober time than all of 2011.

From 2003 until 2009 I was only sober when I drank so much I could not get up. Or I did so much crack and did not know where I was.

I often wonder to myself how many come back from as far as I went?

I see many on SR that have come back from that place.

I had a serious taste of that place this past weekend.

With having been sober more I was shocked when I let myself go like that.

I watched the "stand up to cancer" special the other night.

With cancer you know when your getting better. Tests, chemo, digital images all can show progress.

How does an alcoholic know he or she is getting better? Gaining ground?

Is it by comparison only?

I was that bad but now I am only this bad.
I have x amount of days?
I can deal with craving better so I am doing better?

There are days I want to scream at the top of my lungs!

And there are days a quiet reserve will do the job.

How do I know I am getting better?

For me its not the number of days, although I do love to see the number climb.
For me its not the comparison to the horrific that makes me seem better.

For me? I have come running back to sobriety. To my clear head, warm heart, self forgiving nature, and an attempt to help others like me.

All the wonderful feelings I get from not drinking are now what I hold on to.

I can live with that progress and put on foot in front of the other today.

After all tomorrow never comes for the alcoholic anyway.

fallingtogether

I often question that myself. Having more sober days than drinking days is def a measure, however if we still pick up and return to that horrible place mentally, then i have to question the definition of progress. I can't seem to get through the weekend either. Thought I ha found my bottom and guess I didn't. After a series of events this past weekend, I am just goin to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward. It's all I can do to even remotely get this under control. Keep looking forward, being grateful and thankfully and provin more by my actions not my words. I do live your posts weasel. Keep coming back!

MrsKing

I don't really know about 'progress' - progress suggests that there is an end result that we're working towards, and I feel like I'm at that result (sober) and was at that result when I quit drinking. I think trying to judge where we are in a process and how we can work towards something better can often trip us up, it's much better, I think, to focus on the now and enjoy what we have at this moment.

My mental health didn't totally improve overnight when I quit, and although I would say the improvement in that department was directly related to quitting drinking, I try not to view sobriety has 'getting better' or giving it a timeline to determine progress, but more as a transformation that happened. Kind of like the caterpillar into butterfly thing. I had to find my feet in a different way of life, but the actual change happened in one instant. Does that make sense?

I'm glad you're feeling much better, Ken

Weasel1966

Mrs king, you helped me see something glaring in my post.

AV was all in it. Trying to convince me that progress needs to be made. Or has not been made offering me the opportunity to drink again.

You said The result is being sober. That in and of itself is certainly the goal.

It's all the other life things caused by our actions that need progress. Relationships, friendships, job, money. That's where I will see progress.

I guess I am looking for ways to rebuild my confidence in myself. And plotting out progress seems logical.

And I am feeling better!

Excited to be here today and feel good again.

Thank you.

DayTrader

I've not been a good judge of my own progress. I'm harsh when I'm really ok and I'm soft when I really need a kick in the pants. My friends in AA, my sponsor, and some spiritual teachers I have are much better at
Letting me know where I am.

If "not drinking" was your goal and you're not drinking..... You're doing great. My recovery program is a lot more inclusive and the "not drinking" is a small part of the program. For me, "how I'm doing" is probably better measured by how are the ppl I'm helping, how much time do I spend thinking about me and my wants vs thinking about others and how I can help them, how are my work/personal/romantic relationships, how well did I do in taking care of what I "should" do vs doing what I "want" to do....

Tough measuring sticks....but it makes for a damn fine life - even when the conditions of that life (no money, lost business, failed marriage, etc) don't look or feel all that good. What I'm describing is - being at peace. Peace is much cooler than happiness....it's not dependent upon the world lining up exactly right (like "happiness" requires).

fgo

Progress for me is knowing my drinking isnt controlling my life anymore.. its not a destination its a journey.. Not a drink in almost 2 months andi feel the chains breaking every day. For me my whole life is a so called trigger if I let it be. Now I know i can truly move an any direction i want to without the crap i was chained to. it truly is a freedom. I read a post here when i first started that will always stick with me. We are all here in an attempt to be normal.. try not to make it bigger than it is. Good luck everyone.

MrsKing

Everyone likes to see progress... I think it's healthy to want to improve ourselves. Like you said, though, being sober is being sober! I like seeing improvements in my fitness and my baking skills at the moment. It's definitely a confidence booster. Do you have any hobbies you can do this with?

Weasel1966

To be honest.... I found out that my partner may lose a six figure job this morning due to a break up off a doctors practice. It's the reason we moved to this hell hole and itt was to be our way of getting out of debt.

Instead we squandered the last three years and all the money on addiction. And only now are starting to get things together.

I feel lost and sad that my actions have been what there have been and this weekend only serves to make me feel worse.

Seems like I was trying to convince myself that I made progress.

Doesn't really matter I guess.

stairs

Progress for me is first, removal of the alcohol. Everything comes from first removing the alcohol from my life equation.

Then come small successes in daily living. Like, not having beer cans all over the coffee table and floor under the coffee table and 8 grocery store bags piled up in the kitchen full of empty cans and a sink full of dirty dishes, so that if somebody comes to the door I can answer it!
...instead of being vewy vewy qwiet and waiting for them to go away.

Making dinner consistently, having stuff to make since I went to the grocery store instead of the alcohol store, baking cookies, being caught up on the laundry. Showering, taking care of my teeth, last week I dyed my hair lightest auburn and am very happy with it.

Talking to friends in recovery on the phone and going to meetings. Taking an interest in other people. Being honest and willing to work on the self serving ego driven parts of myself that are unhealthy and self defeating, rather than be anxious and fearful and hiding.

Seeking a better quality of life, that to me is progress. None of it is possible for me without removal of the alcohol/drugs first.

MrsKing

Feeling lost and sad about what you've done is not worth it, Ken. I can understand that you wish things were different, but we can't change things no matter what we wish. Drinking/using doesn't make anything better or change anything, either. It may serve a purpose for a while, but it'll only make feeling lost and sad even worse. I'm glad you're starting to get things together (and that IS progress, Ken) - so focus on that, because that's what matters. Don't dwell on the weekend... it's done, it's over, we can only change our right now, not the past. What can you do right now to make you feel as though you're being productive? Something that will make you feel positive? Do it!

Weasel1966

I guess I am still in shock from the call this morning. We will need to make more change than just being sober. Everything under me may now change all at once.

I have been here before. A few times in fact.

I guess the shock will wear off before I get home from work and then super ken will kick in.

Get a spreadsheet of the budget. Update his resume. Reduce our spending out.

Everything a grown man does when he needs to adjust and take care of himself.

It's not the end of the world but certainly puts two precarious individuals with a bit more to keep track of.

I will need SR more. If that's possible.

RobbyRobot

For me, its all about the quality differences of my new non-drinking life directly compared to my past drinking life. I quit drinking for a single purpose: to live my life absolutely without alcohol, and only that reason, because, with alcohol, I had no life anyways.

I ask myself what would I have for a life if I drank today? The answers to that question are stark and obvious, lol. The answers bring a renewal of collective purposes to my sobriety. The whole of my sober life is greater than the sum of its many parts.

I avoid comparing myself to others, as this can only lead to vanity. I also don't ask myself how better off others are doing because I'm sober, or helping them, or being there for them, because again, this leads to vanity. I don't judge myself by seeking fuzzy affirmations of my status quo whilst staring into the open faces of others. I don't have to live like a refugee. I'm not on trial. Live and let live.

I don't pretend my living a sans-alcohol spiritual life is in itself remarkable. I simply did what was right for me, by me, and as me. Anything else would have brought futility to my efforts. The writing was on the wall. The way forward clear enough. Do right sober or die wrong drunk.

My early years of sobriety worked on the basis of pushing past initial experiences of WTF? and into those wonderful Aha! moments we all enjoy. My middle years on making my sobriety work day in and day out like a relentless, perpetual motion automaton. My last few years are (apparently) on a basis of less is so much more...

Weasel1966

I am glad I asked the question today.

I cringed when I wrote it because I did not filter it.

I guess i already know how to feel and sense my progress and in what forms make me happiest.

I just needed to remind myself I suppose.

I like to hear how other look at things. This is always one I had trouble with. My versions of progress changed under me a lot.

But then again as an active drinker av was more in control and so of course this would be a moving target.

Since I have had more sober days now i think I should put this question aside and focus simply on the task at hand. Being abstinent.

ACT10Npack

Best way would be how well you have a handle on life.

gincognito

I don't try to measure success. I stay busy, keep going to meetings, talking to people and trying to keep a dialogue open with my higher power. I stay conscious of opportunities to act in ways which would make me feel guilty and undeserving of sobriety. Six weeks today though, I guess that is progress. I found myself paralyzed at the street corner the other night torn between heading straight to the packie and turning right to my house. Took a few minutes before I turned right.

wellwisher

By mere definition, progress is usually gradual.

One analyzes progress by looking at where we were, where we are at and where we stand in relation to our goal.

Progress isn't always a straight line, either.

Looking at where we were is helpful at times, but we need to keep our eyes on today and where we're going.

Change for me did not come naturally, and I really had to work on accepting it. "Events" in my life were not always welcomed, as in "no, not now, I've got so much to deal with already!" In hindsight, almost all of the events that came before me when I felt most vulnerable were the catalysts that brought about the best outcomes, even when I couldn't see them at the time, and especially if I had no control over them.

Embrace change, Ken, and set your lasers on the additional work to be done.

Starting with the beast that puts on Sunday duds....

You've come a long way

mecanix

Sucess is going to bed sober and it makes me happy .
Hope is waking up on a new day without a hangover .
Everything else is meaningless without sobriety .

Bestwishes, M

NoFireWater

Lots of good insight here on what progress means to people and how it's measured. The common thread is that everyone that is sober is feeling like that in itself is major progress, and the rest are positive things that come about because they're no longer drinking.

I could relate to Stairs post-it's amazing how many little things get done now that I didn't have time for before. For me that feels great because my to do list isn't as overwhelming anymore. Taking care of our home,paying bills,having time and money to do something girly like a pedicure, are a good measure of progress in my book. Maybe you could make a list of everything you do that happened because you weren't drinking to show your progress?

As for the job situation, that's scary and stressful. On the other hand, it might be a ticket out of the "hellhole". If he is in medical field there should be many opportunities out there. Maybe you could move somewhere that is more affordable that would take some pressure off. Maybe you two need a change of venue to make the new lifestyle work. Maybe the universe is handing you the kick in the pants that things need to change sooner rather than later. I've read if you don't deal with the issues in your life, life will make you deal with them, often in a more harsh way. We know you're strong enough to face things head on!!

YVRguy

Hmm I am not measuring progress nor trying to measure much right now and just keeping to the sobriety angle and dealing with the day. The serenity prayer rings in my mind all the time and I really look at the present and what can I do to make it real versus some washed out haze of alcohol. Its not always pretty but it never was anyway and I am just so much more ugly as a drunk inside and outside.

I will rely on the advice of others as to whether I am doing well in some aspects of my life for a while as I am a tough self critic and wow , my ability to read all sorts of negative stuff into something when its not real at all is amazing. Going to bed sober and getting up without needing a drink can be a good guide for a good while . If I am not doing that , that's trouble.

I am in a precarious job situation too and one thing i know , a drink will never help any of this.

Dee74

I found if you're too caught up in progress, you're likely not to be watching where you're going

There's a lot to be said for one day at a time/just for today IMO, Ken.

Getting sober and staying that way is hard enough as it is, I reckon
D