Here we go
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Godalming, Surrey, UK
Posts: 95
Here we go
Hi all
Thought I would introduce myself as I think I'm going to be spending quite some time on these forums!
For the past decade I have seen my drinking spiral out of control. I have never been able to stop at 'just one' and it's often landed me in stupid, embarrassing or sometimes dangerous situations.
I've nearly always kept it hidden (or what I think is hidden...), drinking on the sly on my own. On my days off it starts before lunch time, on work days it starts the moment I close my shop for the day but whenever it starts it only finishes until I pass out.
I seem to have formed this horrible habit of associating drinking with so many different events - everyday occurences. It's hard to explain... but the first thing I think of when planning something is where drink will fit into it, even if it's just going to do the food shopping on my afternoon off. If drink isn't involved in something and I'm (shock) sober I feel paranoid and like I'm too much in my own head, too aware of everything, everything feels so clear and I feel 'too healthy' or something? Booze then brings this sense of what I have come to feel is my reality.
At 26 years-old I feel like an old man half the time. I'm a good looking guy but recently I don't recognise the pale, podgy bellied but gaunt looking man staring back at me in the mirror.
It stops today - the first day of my sobriety - breaking the habit of a lifetime and making a change for the better.
I look forward to getting to know you all..!
Thanks for reading!
James x
Thought I would introduce myself as I think I'm going to be spending quite some time on these forums!
For the past decade I have seen my drinking spiral out of control. I have never been able to stop at 'just one' and it's often landed me in stupid, embarrassing or sometimes dangerous situations.
I've nearly always kept it hidden (or what I think is hidden...), drinking on the sly on my own. On my days off it starts before lunch time, on work days it starts the moment I close my shop for the day but whenever it starts it only finishes until I pass out.
I seem to have formed this horrible habit of associating drinking with so many different events - everyday occurences. It's hard to explain... but the first thing I think of when planning something is where drink will fit into it, even if it's just going to do the food shopping on my afternoon off. If drink isn't involved in something and I'm (shock) sober I feel paranoid and like I'm too much in my own head, too aware of everything, everything feels so clear and I feel 'too healthy' or something? Booze then brings this sense of what I have come to feel is my reality.
At 26 years-old I feel like an old man half the time. I'm a good looking guy but recently I don't recognise the pale, podgy bellied but gaunt looking man staring back at me in the mirror.
It stops today - the first day of my sobriety - breaking the habit of a lifetime and making a change for the better.
I look forward to getting to know you all..!
Thanks for reading!
James x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR James 
This makes perfect sense to me and I'm sure plenty of people here can relate to this too. I definitely had that 'too healthy' or too conscious feeling. It didn't actually take me too long to get used to though and now I actually feel good for looking after myself. I found all those associations were just conditioned responses which I had to break in sobriety. Takes a while but it starts getting easier as time goes on. Have you thought about getting any support?
Glad you're here x
Originally Posted by jambry123 
I seem to have formed this horrible habit of associating drinking with so many different events - everyday occurences. It's hard to explain... but the first thing I think of when planning something is where drink will fit into it, even if it's just going to do the food shopping on my afternoon off. If drink isn't involved in something and I'm (shock) sober I feel paranoid and like I'm too much in my own head, too aware of everything, everything feels so clear and I feel 'too healthy' or something? Booze then brings this sense of what I have come to feel is my reality.
Glad you're here x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Godalming, Surrey, UK
Posts: 95
Thanks very much for your responses guys, it's lovely to be welcomed.
@hypochondriac, I have considered trying out an AA meeting... there are a few that I've looked up in the local area. I think I might try getting through the first week, build up my confidence a bit and then go. I know you don't have to say anything, which is quite nice to know because for some reason this kind of thing terrifies me.
That's why I love the idea of these forums!
@hypochondriac, I have considered trying out an AA meeting... there are a few that I've looked up in the local area. I think I might try getting through the first week, build up my confidence a bit and then go. I know you don't have to say anything, which is quite nice to know because for some reason this kind of thing terrifies me.
That's why I love the idea of these forums!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Originally Posted by jambry123
Hi all
Thought I would introduce myself as I think I'm going to be spending quite some time on these forums!
For the past decade I have seen my drinking spiral out of control. I have never been able to stop at 'just one' and it's often landed me in stupid, embarrassing or sometimes dangerous situations.
I've nearly always kept it hidden (or what I think is hidden...), drinking on the sly on my own. On my days off it starts before lunch time, on work days it starts the moment I close my shop for the day but whenever it starts it only finishes until I pass out.
I seem to have formed this horrible habit of associating drinking with so many different events - everyday occurences. It's hard to explain... but the first thing I think of when planning something is where drink will fit into it, even if it's just going to do the food shopping on my afternoon off. If drink isn't involved in something and I'm (shock) sober I feel paranoid and like I'm too much in my own head, too aware of everything, everything feels so clear and I feel 'too healthy' or something? Booze then brings this sense of what I have come to feel is my reality.
At 26 years-old I feel like an old man half the time. I'm a good looking guy but recently I don't recognise the pale, podgy bellied but gaunt looking man staring back at me in the mirror.
It stops today - the first day of my sobriety - breaking the habit of a lifetime and making a change for the better.
I look forward to getting to know you all..!
Thanks for reading!
James x
Thought I would introduce myself as I think I'm going to be spending quite some time on these forums!
For the past decade I have seen my drinking spiral out of control. I have never been able to stop at 'just one' and it's often landed me in stupid, embarrassing or sometimes dangerous situations.
I've nearly always kept it hidden (or what I think is hidden...), drinking on the sly on my own. On my days off it starts before lunch time, on work days it starts the moment I close my shop for the day but whenever it starts it only finishes until I pass out.
I seem to have formed this horrible habit of associating drinking with so many different events - everyday occurences. It's hard to explain... but the first thing I think of when planning something is where drink will fit into it, even if it's just going to do the food shopping on my afternoon off. If drink isn't involved in something and I'm (shock) sober I feel paranoid and like I'm too much in my own head, too aware of everything, everything feels so clear and I feel 'too healthy' or something? Booze then brings this sense of what I have come to feel is my reality.
At 26 years-old I feel like an old man half the time. I'm a good looking guy but recently I don't recognise the pale, podgy bellied but gaunt looking man staring back at me in the mirror.
It stops today - the first day of my sobriety - breaking the habit of a lifetime and making a change for the better.
I look forward to getting to know you all..!
Thanks for reading!
James x
I found my answer in AA. It has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you give it a shot.
Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome to SR! Glad that you decided to stop drinking. Its been a wonderful blessing in my life. SR has been very instrumental in my quitting. I needed the community of like minded individuals for support. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
Welcome Jambry!
I totally understand about planning your drinking. I used to do that as well in order to hide it. I'd have a bottle of wine on the counter--which lasted a week--from which I had one glass each night. No one knew about the other bottles I would buy throughout the week and guzzle in secret between the sips from that one glass. I always had to make sure I had "enough".
Congratulations on taking the first step to sobriety. I look forward to your posts. We are all together on this wonderful journey!
I totally understand about planning your drinking. I used to do that as well in order to hide it. I'd have a bottle of wine on the counter--which lasted a week--from which I had one glass each night. No one knew about the other bottles I would buy throughout the week and guzzle in secret between the sips from that one glass. I always had to make sure I had "enough".
Congratulations on taking the first step to sobriety. I look forward to your posts. We are all together on this wonderful journey!
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
For a long time, I did not attend any social event if booze were not involved. If I went out for a meal, it had to be a licensed restaurant or I just wouldn't go. The thought of sitting in a McDonald's and not being able to drink drove me mad, since I could be in a pub. I really don't know how I thought I was having so much fun all this time getting more drunk than everyone else and being an obnoxious idiot.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 259
James, welcome! I identify with everything you wrote. I'm struggling to do anything without alcohol but I know it's worth it. Welcome! Come join our September class thread, it's an amazing group of people!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by Sapling
You should try one...I can promise you nobody will hurt you...It's free and all you have to do is listen. There is a reason it's all over the world.
And it cant hurt, the worst thing that can happen is you had a cup of coffee and didnt drink for about an hour..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Godalming, Surrey, UK
Posts: 95
My sober self always liked to try new things... my boozed up self had no motivation to do anything. Now I'm sobering up... I'll give AA a try. I'll let you know how I get on
Jx
Jx
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome jambry -
Congratulations on making a decision to get sober! If you're worried at all about withdrawal symptoms, don't hesitate to see a doctor and get medical help.
I spent hours here every day in the beginning and it really helped. Take it a day (or an hour or a minute) at a time.... to me, it seemed more manageable that way. We're here for you!
Congratulations on making a decision to get sober! If you're worried at all about withdrawal symptoms, don't hesitate to see a doctor and get medical help.
I spent hours here every day in the beginning and it really helped. Take it a day (or an hour or a minute) at a time.... to me, it seemed more manageable that way. We're here for you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi James! You are so wise to be taking control of your life at such a young age. You'll avoid so much drama, misery, and danger.
I know what you mean about it becoming such a part of your life. I never made a move without it in the end. This will not be you! You won't let it. Congratulations on your decision to lead life with eyes wide open, not numb and foggy. We're glad you're here.
I know what you mean about it becoming such a part of your life. I never made a move without it in the end. This will not be you! You won't let it. Congratulations on your decision to lead life with eyes wide open, not numb and foggy.
We're glad you're here.
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