MightyMung

I've spent the past few days soul-searching and contemplating whether I truly want to make a life commitment to sobriety, and in the process, I realised that one cannot chase sobriety without committing for life.

My past failures have been due to me feeling "ready" to control the addiction after a short period of time spent sober. Each attempt to control it has been an astronomical failure.

I read and re-read AVRT today as that is most certainly the method that appeals to me most. Although at times it can leave you feeling as though you have bipolar disorder (one element of your psyche laughing at another is quite an odd feeling), I like the logic behind it and it has enabled me to get through day one fairly easy, despite the multiple withdrawal syndromes that i'm experiencing.

Sobriety is as simple as not picking up that first drink/drug, which is what makes it hardly simple at all. However, I do now have a greater grasp of the tricks my mind will play on me; the most intense one being when offered a drink/drug I tend to automatically say yes. Then, my AV soothes me into a false sense of security by telling me "it would be rude to turn down now, you've already accepted it." That particular trick has knocked me off track many times before but luckily i've pinpointed it and know how to shut it down.

I'm going to check in here daily, as complacency has lead to multiple failures in the past. I'm starting university again on the 15th and so have spent the day cataloging student jobs ready for me to apply to once term starts. It's been quite satisfying in an alien sort of way, and i'd hate to waste my last chance at making a success of myself.

justhadenough

Welcome back Jake.I've been reading RR today too as slipped up on hols.Least we are back here in the right place

doggonecarl

You need to remove yourself from situations where drugs/drinks can be offered.

And before you tell me you can't...you can. You must.

Or you'll be starting over, again.

freshstart57

Wow, MightyMung! That is great news, so happy to hear that you are continuing to pursue this sobriety thing. It tell ya, it has a great future.

This awareness of our booze brain voice which you are developing can take some practice to develop fully, but it sounds like you are well on your way. The alcoholic voice is speaking whenever there is a thought of drinking now or in the future, or when you doubt your ability to stay sober. It's not you, it's your AV.

There is another important part to this that helps to identify this voice, and that is your vow to stop drinking. As soon as you make this vow, that voice becomes so very easy to spot and this prevents those thoughts from even getting a toe hold in your subconscious.

The last part is to ratchet up your self confidence all the way up to certainty. Yep, you can do this, MightyMung, you can quit drinking for good.

There is a whole SR forum dedicated to discussion of alternatives to 12 Step programs called Secular Connections. Just like in every other SR forum, you will find a lot of support there. Any questions you have or comments about AVRT will get almost immediate attention. Best to you.

MightyMung

I'm currently homeless and so it will be incredibly difficult to remove myself from these situations unless I want to live on the streets. Also, going to university will be a massive challenge due to the enormous drinking culture etc.

It's embarrassing to have to keep making new threads declaring my intention to stay sober when i've failed countless times... I don't want to embarrass myself again.

Veggiejojo

Hi Jake,

Great to see you back on here. Did you get some accommodation sorted?

I’m doing AVRT as well and have found it really helps and is the best method for me.

Take care and keep posting, we’re all rooting for you,

x

Veggiejojo

Jake,

Crossed posts, sorry your still homeless, have you spoken to the uni about your accommodation problems?

x

MightyMung

I'll definitely move up to the Secular Connections forum once I've got a week or so under my belt. I've had a tendency to stay in the Newcomers forum, perhaps because I never felt ready to call myself anything other than a Newcomer. Another self-confidence issue to be challenged, methinks.

Thanks for the kind words

jaz06

Hey there MightyMung!
No such thing as 'embarrassing' yourself on here. Nobody is here to judge you, only support you. Many, if not all, of us have had to start over & over again. Just don't give up! Have faith in yourself, you CAN do this!

hypochondriac

It's funny, I've heard other people worry about this aspect of AVRT but I never saw it that way... it is just overcoming our baser instincts right? And we all have to do that, on a daily basis. The good thing about AVRT is that you can't argue your way out of it once you've made your big plan, no matter how hard your AV tries... but it takes vigilance. But then doesn't everything Have you got any plans for how to make sober friends at uni? x

Kza

Being at Uni is going to be tough. You are going to have to find ways to keep busy and enjoy yourself without drinking.

freshstart57

Where the heck did you get this idea anyway? There is no 'up', just more information and support. The ones that have stopped drinking don't need support anyway. The best time to get that stuff is now, I should think. Best to you, Jake. Onward!

MightyMung

I'm moving in on the 15th, and i'm sorted until then. Luckily i've entered into a 40 week contract this year, rather than a 30 week one (as I did last year), so the option is open to me to stay through all of the holidays except for the summer holiday between 1st and 2nd year.

I can easily find places to stay for 12 weeks of the year until I graduate. Still, it's quite unfortunate and saddening to be kicked out from home, especially when i'm trying to clean up my act. I do however appreciate and accept the reasons why i'm not welcome any more, and it's all the more reason to get my act together.

MightyMung

I know there isn't an "up" in the traditional sense of the word, I guess i've just never felt confident enough to post anywhere other than the Newcomers forum .

Interestingly the fact i'm quitting three things at once has actually proven easier than just quitting one thing. Normally day one is Hell, because it's just a battle of wills. But since i'm dropping three things at the same time, I can blanket deny any AV trickery; it can't pull the classic "one drink will make me feel better" or "just 10mg of diazepam will make me feel better" since it isn't true at all - i'd have to dose with three substances to feel any better and that isn't going to happen.

I can't wait to get back to uni and book an appointment with my lovely doctor. I might try out CBT, which has been offered to me before, but I turned down due to a lack of commitment (I should've known I wasn't ready to quit when I wasn't even willing to wake up at 8am to attend a CBT session!)

Does anyone have any positive or negative CBT experience to share?

artsoul

Welcome back, MightyMung!

We all feel embarrassed/ashamed when we think we've messed up, but it really shouldn't be that way.... it's about learning and getting the tools we need to make our recovery work for us. I haven't fully explored the program of AVRT, but the concept has been really, really helpful.

We feel like split personalities because we've given so much power our addictive thoughts. It really does help to recognized them as separate (and antagonistic) to who we really are so that we realize we have a choice - we can buy into them or not.

Anyway, I'm just glad to see your post.... Stay connected and good luck at school!

2granddaughters

All the best, Jake:

AA will be there for you if all else fails.

Bob R

Dee74

Welcome back Jake

If you find your accommodation issues keep dragging you back into the darkside, I hope you'll check out sober living places....they might be a better alternative.

D

MightyMung

I don't think such places exist at university... lol. I'd be very hard pressed to find non-drinkers, anyway.

Dee74

I wasn't being euphemistic Jake...just pointing out that dedicated and staffed sober houses do exist...there may be some where you are

Sober Homes | Living Sober - Treatment and rehabilitation for alcohol addiction and chronic alcohol problems in Tees Valley and the North East

D

Zee

Wow... I didn't go to Uni, but I know the 'culture'... you are really going to have to dig deep to keep up with recovery. I know you have to take the opportunity for further education but straight into the lions den when it comes to 'Uni-life'... Is there some kind of on-campus treatment/therapy/keep me clean departments? I'm sure you have a strategy in place, you are very bright! Good luck!!!