Prettynoose

I'm on day 19.

I felt better for two days, but now I'm back to this deep depression that has no reason other than that I can't drink.

I have everything a person could want in life but I can't enjoy any of it without alcohol. I find it hard to smile or talk to people, and everything is striking me as meaningless, pointless, and hopeless.

Will this pass? I don't see how I can stay sober if this is what life is like.

blueshades

Yes, it will get better. Having "everything" in life but purpose doesn't feel like much. A life without booze will give you space to find the meaning you're looking for. You can do it!

In the meantime, talk to your doctor about the depression. A good doctor will have guidance on exercise and healthy diet, not just medication, that can help you beat the blues until you get things figured out.

Don't lose heart. Nearly three weeks of sobriety is a big deal. You are worth the effort to reach out and fight for a better life.

Veggiejojo

Hi Prettynoose,

I think its fairly common to suffer mood swings when sobering up, and I agree with blueshades, I do think you should see your doctor. Drinking again won't help you,

x

Dee74

I felt like life was very bland too prettynoose - but I figured I'd drunk for 20 years..
it was going to take time for me to getting used to being sober and being happy.

Everything I did or thought about in those first few weeks were things I used to do drinking. I found that was pretty much a recipe for misery.

Think about new things you can do...think about mixing your routines up a little...think about more support too maybe?

and do see your doctor if you feel depressed

D

mecanix

Hey Pritty,

I thought i'd cured my depression years ago , after 6 months of being stopped my whole outllook had changed , after a year you'd not believe how happy and nice life feels taking each day one day at a time .
I know some hugely rich people and none of it means a jot if they use , stay strong and then you'll see .

Bestwishes, M

SeekSobriety

I Drank to escape my depression. Problem was it stopped working and obviously made things worse for me over time. When I stopped drinking I no longer had the alcohol masking the depression, I had to find new ways to deal with my emotions.

For Me,
Finding a therapist to work on depression issues with me has been very helpful in addition to going to daily 12 step meetings to be around other people.
15 minutes of exercise a day has been working wonders for me.

The brain interprets depression as a illness, it tries and tell us to isolate ourselves. This is the worst possible solution for depression. Isolation only increases the depression, we need more human contact and support when depressed at least for me

Thanks for letting me share.

hypochondriac

I had thoughts like that early on Prettynoose... then I realised that it was my addictive voice speaking. I was depressed when I was drinking too, and the ups and downs I had then were way worse than what I had in early sobriety. Give it more time and things will get better.

I found getting sober was like stepping into the unknown so I just had to trust that things would improve. And they did I was drunk for 12 years so I decided to give sobriety more than a few weeks/months before I condemned it

I'm not sure depression has anything has anything to do with external circumstances either. It would be an easy fix if that were the case. Have you got a support network Prettynoose? AA or a counsellor? I found it tough to try and go it alone x

MrsKing

I know it doesn't make much difference RIGHT NOW, but like everyone else has said - it really does get easier. I didn't really appreciate the benefits of sobriety until I was 6 weeks - 8 weeks sober. It was around then that I realised I was SO much happier and healthier mentally and physically that going back to drinking was just not an option. Being depressed at the beginning seems really common unfortunately. Are you able to see a doctor about this? There is much help available for what you're feeling and you don't have to muddle through it alone.

Please don't drink. I can promise you that it will only make it worse eventually. I've never seen anyone on here who drank after a period of sobriety and felt great about it. Try to 'think the drink through' and remind yourself why you're sober and what you are putting in jeopardy by going back to alcohol. Do anything but drink.

Thinking of you and wishing you the best x

Prettynoose

Thank you all very much. I guess I needed to hear that this is normal and time will help.

I am already taking an anti-depressant for chronic depression - and it seemed to work great while I was drinking. If it makes any sense, I have been an alcoholic while depressed and an alcoholic while not depressed. The alcohol didn't cure my depression, but the anti-depressants did. But no matter what, I have always drank (except while pregnant and also for a two-year stint).

I guess it makes sense that the chemicals in my brain and all my cells are messed up right now. I wonder if time will be the best help.

Also, I am very into fitness and am in very good shape, which also seems odd given my drinking. I was a high-functioning alcoholic and I never missed my workouts. Now that I am not drinking I have missed half my workouts because I feel too crappy. It just seems backwards, like I should be feeling great now compared to before.

hypochondriac

I definitely felt like things got worse before they got better. But once you get through the fog it does start getting better.

What did you do before PrettyNoose? When you quit for 2 years?

BruceJ

Hi Pretty noose,
I'm genuinly sorry that you are going through the funk but, as has been stated, it does get better. I was told things that I viewed as childish such as "put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing".....and you know what? ...... it worked.
Recovery is about change. Simply removing the alcohol/drugs and doing the same routine that we have always done doesn't work very well. IMHO thats just white-knuckle sobriety. We do things differently which results in thinking differently.....I tried the other way around and ... of course .. that doesn't work. I had to stop living in my head and start living outward.

All the best. Have a better day.

Lionhearted1

An old timer in aa put it his way are minds are a very complexed organism and we have been polluting it for years with drink and drugs imagine a bottle of water that you we keep adding dirt too and shaking it around, when we finally stop it takes awhile for the dirt to settle and the water to become clean again. Those feelings do pass I suffered the same never went doctors as its very common when withdrawing from drink, make sure you eat a good diet and get your b vitamins as they help with anxiety etc.

Also until you truly accept your an alcoholic/ addict you will feel depressed because you still wish you can live like before but you can't the key is total surrender. Good luck on your journey.

SunnyFlower

"I felt better for two days, but now I'm back to this deep depression that has no reason other than that I can't drink."

Depression is awlful, I battled it off and on for many years before I became a heavy drinker (alcoholic). I still battle it.

Through those years I learned that depression is both a physical and a mental malady. Physically due to a lack of serotonin in the brain and mentally due to our thinking (conscious and subconscious).

I too, take an antidepressant, it helps, but it is not a cure. Like you I have a couple of days feeling good and postitive...then all of a sudden without notice I feel as if I am in a black hole. Usually when that happens I have no clue where it is coming from. Everything has been going so good, so what happened?

I have to stop and ask mysel what am I thinking about? Consciously nothing inparticular, so then, What triggered this deep depression? Usually it's a song, or a dream, a comment, or a picture, whatever, that has triggered a "subconscious" thought in my mind, causing me mental anguish and emotional pain, from something that I had stuffed deep inside of me from my past that I never dealt with and wanted to just forget.

I used to think that feelings came before thoughts, now I know the opposite is true...thoughts are what produce feelings. The conscious thoughts are easy to recognize, it's those subconscious thoughts that are tough to figure out.

Somewhere along the way I allowed alcohol to cover up the pain. And Voila! here I am, a full blown alcoholic desperate to recover.

I am on day 8 now. Depression has not set in yet, because I am keeping myself so busy with AA, IOP Rehab, daily readings, SR (thank you), anything and everything I can do to keep me from drinking. Right now my priority is to not to take that first drink. I know that Rehab is going to probably open up my subconscious to discover the root of my problems and as things slow down I am going to have to feel the pain and deal with those problems and not stuff them anymore.

Until I get to the subconscious root of the problem and deal with it, I will experience depression.

I am hoping that when the depression does come I will be able to recognize it as coming from the depths of my subconscious mind (not present day situations) that were produced from my past tramatic experiences. That's where I hope Rehab will help me.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my experience with you, in hopes that you can find out where this deep depression is really coming from. Not drinking isn't the reason...it's the solution, it's the 1st step that's going to clear your mind so you may discover where it's all coming from and how you can find relief.

Best Wishes to you and your recovery! Hang in there! We are all in this together and we can do it!

DarkDays

I like this

SeekSobriety

Have you seen your Doctor who prescribed the medication to you since you have given up drinking? They may very well need to adjust the medication for you.
It might be Worth checking out with them.

Sobersunshine

(((pretty))). I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, before I ever started drinking. Of course, when I did start drinking it was totally an attempt to deal with these issues. It worked, sometimes, temporarily. And very often drink made it worse. I don't have much more advice other than to second what others have already said. I do recommend seeing your doctor, hopefully she can help. I just want to say I feel for you, I'm on the edge of depression right now, although it has improved since I stopped drinking, a mere 6 days ago. But I'm afraid that as my body and brain readjusted the depression and anxiety will get worse. I don't want to go to that dark place again. But I know drinking won't help, alcohol is a depressant after all! I'm on an antidepressant, it's been about two months and it's kicking in a little. It will most likely work better without alcohol on board. Sigh. I've been on antidepressants off and on for 20 years. They work, I feel better, I go off them, things spiral out of control until I end up at the dr's on the verge of a nervous breakdown....don't give up pretty, take meds if you need them, see you dr., go to counseling,mexercise, eat well, drink lots of water... Etc. and don't be hard on yourself. You are sober. WOW! Be kind to yourself and allow your body and mind to readjust. I'm only day 6, but reading thru these forums it seems that that's how it goes, ups and downs, then finally the cloud lifts. Hang in there. Don't drink. Keep posting. ((pretty))

blueshades

There are a lot of strong people on this thread. I've been doing what is described here for these first six weeks or so, but I really like the way MrsKing says it. Using a combination of my flavors of willpower, my "I don't want" to go back and my "I want" to continue reaping the benefits of this new sober lifestyle, I've found the motivation to feel good about this change.

I have exhibited some signs of anxiety and depression, namely the inability to concentrate at times and difficulties getting to sleep, but these issues are nowhere near as bad as when I was drinking. I'm already finding that I can navigate social situations more easily, which was nearly impossible when I was still using booze.

In short, stick with it and I think you will find and greatly appreciate the benefits of your new sober lifestyle!