ulfr

Just had a really bad argument with my husband over Valium that i want to take
Feel like ****
I have very bad social anxiety and PTSD among other mental health problems
I take one Valium as i need it once a day
I want to take more than one in fact i wanted to abuse them
I dont have anyone i can call about this i have no numbers of anyone who is going through the same my husband can only understand so much and he has never had problems with drug abuse ...
Am feeling a little ashamed of myself for wanting the Valium and arguing with my husband
I want to be numb and avoid my feelings

CaiHong

Hi Dark Asylum
Hang in there, the feeling will pass. What are you doing to keep you clean and sober?
Do you have a program or support group?
Love
CaiHong

jaz06

Hi Dark Asylum,
Numbing what was going on inside was why I drank (I'm only on day 3...but that's one heck of an accomplishment for me). And NEVER, EVER did it make things better. Hang in there...come here & read & post as often as you can. So many wonderful people who understand, will support & give you great advice.
Hugs~jaz

ulfr

I dont have any support at all because am too scared to go to AA or NA because of my social anxiety and my mental health isn't so good i get voices that tell me to hit people and am on medication but its don't help and my psych knows about this and says even with medication i may always hear voices
I have to keep myself in check so i don't hit people and i never have but am scared just in case i slip up or something ...
So i have no help from anyone at the moment just doing this by myself with my husbands help
To keep myself sober at the moment am keeping myself busy online and talking to my husband about other things to distract me
...Am not doing so well though i keep drinking about the Valium and wanting to take it
My husband has hidden the keys away for the locked box that my medication is kept so i cant get to them
I need to keep distracting myself

Sapling

You don't want to do that DA....It's not worth it....Just let it go and get through it. I remember you were going to meetings awhile back...You went with your husband...Do you still go?

Sapling

Sorry...I guess we posted at the same time.

ulfr

I stopped going to the meeting because of my mental health and Anxiety got worse

hypochondriac

Distraction is a valid coping strategy DarkAsylum... are there things you can do at home? Like watch a film, learn a musical instrument, reading? Try and focus on something positive x I'm sorry you're still struggling and hope things get better for you soon x

IndaMiricale

Ella

sugarbear1

Wanting to numb feelings is okay, it's a want, just don't act on it!

Can you write a journal of your feelings?

What about online meetings? Or listen to xa-speakers.org ? Or read the book Alcoholics Anonymous online? Or use Rational Recovery, AVRT, or SMART (online and with books)

Action might help you. Do something to stay stopped.

Love & hugs,

Sapling

That's OK DA....There are things you can do at home...Sugarbear has some great ideas there....Look into that.

Sapling

This is a site that does online meetings...You can check it out.

AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet

Anna

Hi Dark Asylum,

I'm sorry that you're arguing with your husband and looking for a way to numb your feelings. You can always find support here anytime you want to post or come here to read.

ulfr

Thank you all
i will go and use the link that Sapling gave me and i have the big book online one already and i can look up the xa-speakers.org
This morning am feeling the same ... my husband has gone out for the day and wont be back until later so i have to deal with this by myself
I have No access to money or the Valium so i should be ok

Thank you again

MemphisBlues

Dark -- some of the best meetings I have had were online. Do check out the link Sapling gave you.

And remember these feelings do pass. Posting here always helped me. Maybe you could start thinking of the things you are grateful for, some of the blessings of sobriety, like you husband being there for you.

Glad to see you posting again.

Take care

ulfr

My husband is home now and its soon it will be meds time and that where i ended up having an argument with my husband last night over wanting to use the Valium and take as many as i want to take ...I know i cant just take what i want to take i need the Valium for when am anxious very anxious ...
I need to deal with tonight meds time like i would any other day and just ignore the fact i have Valium there

Sapling

Just be strong DA...We're here when you need us.

ulfr

Am thinking about going to a NA meeting but there isn't many that are open
to non addicts ...am too scared to go on my own but my husband says i have to go if am struggling

Sapling

There's no reason you can't go to an NA meeting....It's the same steps as AA....The steps are the solution. Why don't you ask your husband to take you to one....It can't hurt.

Dee74

I hope you can find an open meeting or two so your hubby can go too NA

D