brownhorse

I feel thankful to SR. I found Sober Recovery when I was at my worst! Even before Al-anon. I was on this site for hours a day and I am now happy to day check back one or two times a month. I go to Al-anon at least once a week but I am such a different person. I am seperated legally from my STBXAH only because I have to provide him with insurance, but will be divorced in April. I have no regrets and fought hard to be here. I come home and go to sleep every night feeling safe.

It is not perfect. He has left my 4 year old alone by a pond, is always late for the bus or picking them up. He asks my 10 year old to lie for him. But these things now only happen on Wednesdays and every other weekend. Rather than every day of my life. I never would of had the strength to go through with it and not take him back without all of you. Thank-you!

candi7

I'm so thankful for SR too, I've had situations where I couldn't get rides for AA meeting, or need extra support, this place is fantastic!

Congrats on moving forward in your life.. just imagine what is to come-kinda exciting when you think about it... I'm thinking of going back to school...

Titanic

Your doing well with that Gratitude thing & protecting the kids, I can see!

Great example.

laurie6781

I hate to suggest this, but maybe it is time to go for 'supervised' visitation, since he does not seem responsible enough to handle children on his own.

If I had young children of those ages, no matter that it was only every Wednesday and every other weekend, that would scare the bejesus out of me and I would be running to my attorney to get to court and get a 'supervised visitation' order YESTERDAY.

Other than that, thank you for checking in, and I am very glad to hear (read) that your life is so much better.

Love and hugs,

brownhorse

Thank-you everybody. Obviously Laurie, you are not in this situation because it is not that easy. I have filed complaints and in fact been told unless he is breaking the law there is not much I can do about it. The only one that holds up is the pond incident and it is his word against mine. I am the more reliable one but one incident does not give just cause for supervised visitation. I have to document every time he is late and establish a case. It is very hard every day to find the positive in this situation and I have come a very long way. Also, he does not drink around my children anymore. I have been taught in Al-anon to accept the things I can not change and this is one. He is their father and has rights. Laws do not always protect the right person. That is the main reason I stayed with him as long as I did and posted today so others could read even though life is not perfect when you leave an alcoholic, you can find peace except on the days you have to send your children to them. Every situation and story is different.

brownhorse

Well, after sending both kids to XAH for the weekend with sinus infections, antibiotics, and cough medicine, I decided enough is enough and took a chance. I found out I am right. I called CPS (child protective services) and reported that he had left my 5 year old by a pond and that he intentionally gave me more cold medicine than what was safe on the package and what I told him. I within 3 days got a letter that it was not deemed child abuse or neglect and they dropped the case/report. There is no help when you are dealing with an idiot! Now, it is documented and that is all I can do.

laurie6781

No it is not all you can do.

You can go over your 'local' CPS to your State Capitol to the big boss.

This is absolutely absurd. These are your children. What happens the next
time he gives one of them too much medication and the child ends up in the
ER.

I am sorry, but children cannot fight for themselves and they need us to
fight for them.

I had a very bad neighbor that I called CPS on a few years ago and got the
same type of 'brushoff' you got. Nope would not stand for it, went over the
manager's head, contacted Santa Fe and blew up the phone lines and email,
and then threatened to come up there and go before the Assembly and
Senate (they just happened to be in sessioned) threatened legal action
against the agency (wasn't sure how I was going to do that, but would have
done my damnedest) and low and behold, within 2 weeks, there was a BIG
investigation going on of the local CPS.

The manager was FIRED, and most of those that worked under her had the
choice of leaving or going to a different office in a different city. And yes,
the two children I originally called about where put into protective custody
and eventually the parental rights were terminated. Those kids today, are
in an adoptive home and doing well.

Also see if your son's counselor will right a letter on how your son is suffering.

I am not yelling at you, just saying .............................. that you do NOT
have to take their 'no' as a final answer.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

NWGRITS

I know it will take a ton of energy which you may not have right now, but laurie is right. CPS is useless. Honestly, most social services agencies I've had experience with don't give a damn about anything other than their paychecks. The last city I lived in paid a no-show social services worker for 12 years before someone finally decided to put their neck on the line and be a whistleblower. The entire structure of the organization changed as people were linked to the cover-up and booted out (without pay). Sometimes you just have to take it straight to the top.

brownhorse

I know! I am not a typical sit back and do nothing type of person. The XAH and I have lost a child it was not due to either of our fault. The baby had a birth defect. He did not have a car at home, I was at work, and he was brought home the night before the baby passed because he was too drunk to drive. I am a middle school teacher. I have made him visit at my house since the incident. I have a hard-core bad a** lawyer that says I will get supervised visitation if/when we go for it. I live in the suburbs of one of the worst top ten cities in the US. Really I do not think my EX is that bad in CPS eyes. I am not the typical call they get. The XAH is scared and I pray I have bought myself some time.

THE MAIN THING: My parents, who I would think would be so supportive of me. Say what are you trying to do? Make it so they do not see their dad. Like I am the bad guy wasting CPS time for a warning to my ex wanting to scare him. How do I deal with this? They are suppose to be my rock, my support. Why are they acting like I am the bad guy that did something wrong?

lizloh

Yikes! They are not in YOUR shoes. Just like explaining your 'relationship' to someone who doesn't understand alcoholism and could see the As problem as 'not a big deal'
They just don't want to see their grandchildren hurting. But you are a smart momma and I would follow my instincts
These decisions we have to make are NOT easy, but I'm glad u came here and asked us. My parents saying that to me would've totally thrown me for a loop, too.

NWGRITS

My grandmother is from the generation of "shut up and act perfect." The elephant in the room is just another piece of furniture, not to be talked about. My ex isn't an addict, but I still got the same response when I told everyone we were separating. We had to keep it together "for the kids." No, we don't. Keeping it apart is the right thing to do for our kids. We argued all the time and that wasn't doing a bit of good for them. That's about as healthy as my home was growing up with an AM. If your parents won't support you, then don't bother with them where this is concerned. Find people around you who do support you. We're always here, but there's nothing like having someone you can talk to over coffee.