melodieoc

Hey all,

I am so hoping there is someone who can advise...

My background is that I've lost 2 brothers to drug overdoses - heroin in their cases.
I am ok, or as ok can be - but it's my sister that is a worry to me.

She "plays" on their deaths in a way - sounds awful - but she drinks all the time saying she is depressed; she is pushing her family away - she is 37 with 2 beautiful daughters and an absolutely gorgeous granddaughter but it's like she's pushing the gift of life away - her eldest daughter will barely speak to her - she gave up a week of her life to help her thru detox, for her only to turn up drunk when she met her on the 7th day.

It sounds terrible - and is - but I feel so angry with her - her kids are fab - why is she treating them so? I feel anger towards her, sorrow to her kids, and guilt for myself coz I feel sometimes it would be easier without her. I don't feel there's any proper support for people like me and it's a stigma almost - if she dies thru her alcohol abuse it will be my fault for not helping her but there doesn't seem to be any words of advice for people like me?

she's killing herself and pushing away her family - are there any ex-addicts who can help or family members who've been through this?
At the moment the only way out I see is her killing herself and us feeling guilty - please tell me there's an alternative?I realise getting her to admit there's a problem is a major thing, but anything else?

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation.

Have you considered trying AlAnon as a support for yourself? Hopefully your sister will seek the help she needs.

And, you might check out our forum:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

BruceJ

I would respectfully challenge your idea that it would be your, or anyone elses, fault if she died thru her alcohol abuse.
She has been to treatment so is very aware that she has a problem.....when we find out that we have a problem, it becomes our responsibility to do something about it....

Best wishes.

artsoul

Welcome melodieoc -

Drug and alcohol addiction is so hard on families and I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's understandable that you're angry and hurt... you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't care.

I hope you check out the link Anna provided. I hope your sister finds sobriety.

melodieoc

I think it's hard to separate yourself from it - it's a hideous - and I mean hideous - feeling - verging on hating her and wishing her dead even - and then guilt for thinking that. She's hurting everyone around her - telling them that her life is only good with the new man in her life- (how long will he last?!) including her 19 year old daughter, 8 year old daughter and 2 year old grandchild - and basically killing the child in her body. She is due to give birth christmas eve - but because her 8 year old was born healthy despite her drinking a lot at the time (she was only in her 20s then and hadn't been drinking for as many years) she says she got away with it at her birth, so therefore this child is in no danger.

Now it's like she's trying to hurt her unborn child through her denial - but when you contact social services they just say she isn't that bad - because she's still getting the 8 year old to school and not drinking enough to turn up comatose to the tests - well duh - she's not going to when she knows there's a test! She drinks from 10.30 am - her mum and daughter have seen this, as have I. She justifies this by saying it's "only" Fosters - not Stella or wine.......

It's a love hate relationship - more hate than love for her - I just don't know the outcome.

I like a drink myself and am oh so careful about my own habits - but my ever perpetual fear is that this will happen to me and I'll make the same stupid mistakes as her... But I enjoy the taste of alcohol (I have no children and work all week so drink at weekends and have rule that I don't drink until 6.)

Thank you to the person who suggesting Alanon - I'm so busy though, I'm not sure I have time - silly O'clock on a fri night is when I have time to process these thoughts!