Kayleigh

Ok so I was 12 days and 20 hours sober yesterday. I finally realised my alcoholism when I began to hallucinate while talking. to my friend ( her head was huge, but the lips etc tiny. I relapsed last night and bought a bottle of wine. Not sure why but after I had drank a half bottle, I began to throw up, not by choice but because I assume, the adrenaline kicked in. Has anyone had that happen? I know I'm back to day one but I want day one to mean something again, not just rinse and repeat.

MrsKing

Welcome to SR Kayleigh. There's a huge amount of support here. Stick around and post lots, it really helps.

Please see a doctor and be honest with him/her about your drinking and this experience.

Is your plan to be sober for good?

Caledonia1

Well done on your 12 days and well done indeed for having the strenght to start a fresh. Day 1.
Why not rinse and repeat, once you're stronger you can tackle the rest.
I personally find AA a great support, although I did resist if for years.
Why not try it, nothng to loose but everything to gain.
Stay strong.

Anna

It sounds like talking to your dr could be a good idea.

Use the experience to learn and move forward. What happened to make you relapse and how can you avoid that in the future?

Hevyn

Welcome Kayleigh. I can't say I've had that particular thing happen, but every time I picked up I went into unknown territory. It became dangerous for me to touch the stuff, so I had to kick it out of my life.

We're glad to have you here with us. Congratulations on your 12 days sober.

Kayleigh

I do want to stay sober for good. Unfortunately I am not someone who can share my experience in person in public. It has taken all I have to post here. I would like to see a dr in some ways but in reality I just don't have the courage. Likewise AA would be my worst nightmare as I dont have confidence to talk in a group. Thanks for the comments though, I really looked to see what triggered the relapse. It was being home alone. This was always the time I would drink because there was never anyone to watch or judge me. I woke up on Saturday morning and drove to north Yorkshire where my husband had gone fishing for the weekend. I went there to avoid the "trigger". Even when he was having a few beers, I was prepared. I took a 6 pack of Fanta. I have tried to stop before and rinse the body out, but always repeated the drinking slowly killing myself. This time is the Stop time. When you hallucinate drunk, you know you're killing your brain right. I can't end up a body with no mind.

Dee74

Welcome to SR

There's ways around social anxiety

Many, if not most, recovery programmes now have online meetings Kayleigh...others like Rational Recovery are book based and have no meetings at all

D

artsoul

I couldn't have gone to a meeting right after getting sober either. I spent a lot of time here and online, so it's definitely doable. Also, just because you feel that way now doesn't mean you'll always feel that way. It just takes a while to feel comfortable with ourselves and regain some confidence.

Just take it a day at a time and feel good about the progress you've already made. Welcome to the forum!

Kayleigh

Thanks to you. It means a lot to have the support. Although I don't broadcast my situation, my husband silently sees the issues I have. This weekend when other guys were offering me beers and I was politely declining, I felt he was giving me a knowing look. He HATES me when I'm drunk. I feel awful because why should he have to be the one to pick me up all of the time? Seriously, after what I have put him through over the years, I'm surprised he's still with me.