jmerritt

Im brand new to this site and glad i found it. I have been married for close to 8 years. For the past 4 years my wife has been an addict. Shes been to rehab several different times, all to no avail. As of now, she is in rehab, again. She started using pain killers, mostly oxycodone, as well as abusing ritalin. A few months ago she moved up to heroin. Im truly done with the whole situation. Ive endured her cheating, lying and stealing from me. We have 3 small children together, ages 6, 4 and 3. Ive basically raised them alone. One thing ive learned through this process is that no matter how much you try, you CANNOT make a person do the right things, its up to them. Anyways, she has been to jail for a few months, came out, and got messed up again. The last straw was a few weeks ago, when she asked to use my vehicle, and i said no. 2 weeks prior she had crashed my van not once, but twice in a 2 day time span, the last totaling my car. She really beat the crap out of me, bit me, tore my house to shreds, and left. 3 days later she came back. I didnt want her there but there was no way i could force her out since shes also on the lease. I came home early one night from a break and caught her on my couch making out with another man, which of course she blames on her addiction. The next day i went and got a protective order and had her thrown out of the house. She stayed on the streets for a couple of weeks before going to her mothers house and then to rehab again. Shes called me a couple of times and wants to work things out. I am no longer in a position to work things out with her, and feel my children and I are better off without her in our lives. Whats the best way i can go about letting her know this while shes in rehab. Should i wait until she completes the program, or let her know now so she can begin dealing with it? Thanks!

FindingErica

Nothing says "it's over" like serving someone with divorce papers.

Welcome to the site. You are in a good position right now. Sounds like you have made your mind up, you have the children and the residence. Get things legal before she puts on a clean and responsible show. I'm in the middle of a divorce right now and it's no fun, but best decision I made for myself and the kids.

Beautifulsoul

Wow! So sorry to hear about what you are going through but I admire your strength! I know how hard it is especially when there are children involved. Stay strong!

interrupted

I agree that serving her while she's inpatient is the best route - she'll have a support system there to help her process the news and work through her feelings.

You sound like a very strong man and a good father. As someone who grew up with addicts I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing up for your children.

jmerritt

Thanks for the advice. I've contacted a family service who is Going to meet with me next week to file the appropriate paperwork for custody and divorce.

supportforme

I'm so sorry you and your children are going through this. I know your pain all too well. It's devastating and traumatic. I agree with all advice that was posted. I actually recently did have him served while he was in custody. My young children were devastated. It's a hard and long road but much more peaceful. Keep the focus on yourself and your children. You will need it. Hang in there and stay strong.