heathersweeds

Hello-
I am a recovering alcoholic. I put my children through alot when I was active. I have a daughter now 19 and a son who is 12 and is autistic. I worked for 16yrs in a 4 star hotel while I drank. The food and beverage biz is heartless when it comes to schedualing hours of work. My daughter had to care for her brother all weekend every weekend. I am a single mom as well.

I just recieved a phone call from a trusted family member that what I have been feeling in my gut about my daughter is true. She is abusing alcohol and weed. Her life is quickly becoming unmanageable and I didn't understand why.
Untill now. Funny how I thought since she saw me struggle hard to get and stay sober, she would have thought about her actions better. But, ah, I know the feeling of euphoria and a deep numbness I got from alcohol. I didn't care what the next day would bring, as long as I was high now.

I'm going to call my sponcor in the morning and I know what she is going to say. Powerless over alcohol. I am going to have to let go. I am so not ready to watch this though My beautiful little daughter being embraced by addiction. How I am seeing the light in her eyes dull, and we used to laugh and laugh. She is so funny. So young and pretty.

Thank you for listening and thank you for all your strength in your posts I have been reading for a long time now. How the evilness of addiction has hurt us all. I feel so defeated.

Pelican

(((hugs)))

Have you considered attending Alanon meetings? Ask your sponsor. There are several "double winners" on this forum.

I am a recovering alcoholic.
I am also a mother to 3 young adults.

My oldest has chosen to include alcohol in her life. She knows the risks.

I have been able to detach from her day-to-day activities, and I am able to love her for who she is today. Al anon has helped me to accept that I am powerless over her choices.

Feel free to vent and post as needed. We care.

Hopeworks

Heathersweeds,

So sorry to hear you going through this. As an adult she is responsible for her own choices but you can determine your own boundaries in a healthy way for both of you.

Is she still living at home or is she dependent on you for support?

I found alanon very helpful for me and hope you will give it a try as loving an alcoholic and coping with the disease from the outside is different than the alcoholic perspective... go to the specialists!

Keep coming back... we care.

stairs

heather,

I have been through a lot with my older daughter now 21 and clean/sober for 7 months. The light is back in her eyes. It was hell. I put her through a lot with my own issues also. I have a 16 yr old who has Downs also.

There are plenty of people in NA/AA who have been through what we are going through. I find them a great resource for support.

You are right on the money, about being powerless.

I'm with you, we all are, you are not alone. **HUG**

heathersweeds

Thank you Pelican hugs I talked with my sponcor on the phone a little. She was at work so later this evening we are going to get together. I will ask her about Alanon.

Hopeworks- Thankyou and yes she is on her own but lives in the apt. right above me lol sometimes I really hate that she is so close and I am sure she feels the same. The boundary thing is what I am having trouble with. I feel like a huge hypocrite! Because i was fall down drunk all the time in front of her and she doesn't even have children (thankgoodness)

Stairs- How awesome! Your daughter is sober and working a recovery program! HUGS! I do have a small but great network of women in AA. I had no idea you have a special needs child as well I love this site! I always feel surrounded by hope and experience!

dbh

Dear Heathersweeds:

As the mother of one beautiful little girl to another I just wanted to let you know that you and your daughter will be in my prayers.

My father was an alcoholic and as you probably know it can have lasting affects on children. Over the years I have tried various ways to cope with my issues - dating inappropriate boys/men, over-achieving, under-achieving, people pleasing, alcohol, food, ... Around 5-years ago my bags of tricks was empty and I started my own recovery.

I remember telling a recovering alcoholic friend of mine how "lucky" I was that I didn't become an alcoholic. Because I did go through years where I was abusing alcohol a great deal. Her response was that luck had nothing to do with it, you simply don't have the genes. That left an impression on me.

I'm sure you have heard of the three "C's"

• I didn't cause it.
• I can't control it.
• I can't cure it.

My children are still semi-young (ages 12 & 9). Since alcoholism runs on both sides of our family I keep trying to work the strongest recovery program that I can so that I can be the healthiest parent I can for them.

I have an uncle who have been sober for 25+ years. He was a mean and abusive drunk when his children were young. Many of his children have struggled with drug and alcoholic addiction, but most eventually got sober. During a toast at one of his birthday parties, my cousin raised his glass with affection and said "To my Dad who showed us how to be a drunk, but also showed up how to get sober."

Hope the meeting with your sponsor went well.

Sending love and hugs your way.

db

Titanic

I hear your "C" of concern but it need not translate into the state of mind dispelled by the 3 C's: you didn't Cause, and can't Cure or Control the disease.

The door into Al-Anon meetings is the way out. Search out a parents' Al-Anon meeting. Also check out the Relationships and Parenting forum here on SR, as well as the Partnership for A Drug Free America site and the parenting resources there:

INTERVENE: A Community for Parents

Home | Time to Get Help

Be well.