Strangest thing just happened...humans never fail to surprise me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Strangest thing just happened...humans never fail to surprise me
OK....so my AS was arrested twice within a few days. 1st charge was felony possession and his GF bailed him out. 2 days later he was busted for shoplifting and he now sits in jail awaiting court appearance.
He's in a town 200 miles away from me. When he got arrested the first time a clerk from the magistrate's office called me to let me know and to get some information about my son. I cried...a lot. I told him he was a hard core heroin addict and he was homeless and that the best place for him right now was to stay in jail. He understood.
After the second arrest I didn't hear from the magistrate's office again, I guess because they had the information they needed in his file already.
So here it is 8 days later, and I just got a call from that same clerk...just calling because he knew I was upset and wanted to give me all the information he had about son's court dates and contact information for his public attorney, etc. He said he's kept son's file on his desk because he wanted to handle it personally. He said he's been waiting on the attorney information and it just came in....apologized for not calling earlier.
Get this....
He asked if I would be coming to town for son's court appearances and if so, he would like to take me out for lunch or dinner if I wanted because he knew I'd be in a 'strange town' and would be anxious. He gave me his cell number and asked me to call when I know my plans. He just wants to help however he can.
Isn't that crazy? I mean this guy is a public servant, probably handles hundreds of cases a week. He sounds like he's about 25 years old and he knows I'm old enough to be his mother....so it's not like he's hitting on me. I think he's just being NICE!!! That's just bowled me over. I don't even know what to make of it!?!?
He's in a town 200 miles away from me. When he got arrested the first time a clerk from the magistrate's office called me to let me know and to get some information about my son. I cried...a lot. I told him he was a hard core heroin addict and he was homeless and that the best place for him right now was to stay in jail. He understood.
After the second arrest I didn't hear from the magistrate's office again, I guess because they had the information they needed in his file already.
So here it is 8 days later, and I just got a call from that same clerk...just calling because he knew I was upset and wanted to give me all the information he had about son's court dates and contact information for his public attorney, etc. He said he's kept son's file on his desk because he wanted to handle it personally. He said he's been waiting on the attorney information and it just came in....apologized for not calling earlier.
Get this....
He asked if I would be coming to town for son's court appearances and if so, he would like to take me out for lunch or dinner if I wanted because he knew I'd be in a 'strange town' and would be anxious. He gave me his cell number and asked me to call when I know my plans. He just wants to help however he can.
Isn't that crazy? I mean this guy is a public servant, probably handles hundreds of cases a week. He sounds like he's about 25 years old and he knows I'm old enough to be his mother....so it's not like he's hitting on me. I think he's just being NICE!!! That's just bowled me over. I don't even know what to make of it!?!?
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
I would have thought, nice... years ago.
Sadly, experience has changed me. My gut says, no! I'm thinking about that part about you being in a strange city, alone.
Skip that thought, this one is better... He's looking for a Cougar!
Sadly, experience has changed me. My gut says, no! I'm thinking about that part about you being in a strange city, alone.
Skip that thought, this one is better... He's looking for a Cougar!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
yeah i must admit that my instincts is that he hears the voice of a very vulnerable woman, who will be alone in town, needing a sympathetic shoulder and ear. please be careful if you take him up on his offer. give someone else you know his name and cell number. keep it public and text someone you know the location of where you are meeting him. he could be just a really genuine and lovely soul who is wanting to give back to the world what he may have taken. or he could be just looking for a bit of easy loving. i hope its not the latter and he is just a kind soul.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
From what you've shared, I think your pain must have really hit a soft spot of his. However, I agree with the others to not meet up with him because if he is young and not properly trained by his superiors... he could get in trouble for reaching out to families like that. If the gesture was coming from a good place, then great but there are still risks that he could lose his job over it. I would hate to see a kind act go terribly wrong.
I've worked in a judge's chamber (chamber = term used for the judge's office) before and there were strict rules when it came to communicating with the public. While I'm not sure what type of rules bind him, it may not be professional for him to offer something beyond giving you information regarding your son.
I have a feeling that you're just genuinely touched by his phone call. It's ok to enjoy a fellow stranger's kindness, just always be careful and wise.
I've worked in a judge's chamber (chamber = term used for the judge's office) before and there were strict rules when it came to communicating with the public. While I'm not sure what type of rules bind him, it may not be professional for him to offer something beyond giving you information regarding your son.
I have a feeling that you're just genuinely touched by his phone call. It's ok to enjoy a fellow stranger's kindness, just always be careful and wise.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 33
Umm...I am surprised that people in here are responding so kindly. I am sorry but I find it "creepy" that he would say that...even if it was meant in a kind way. It is just weird and innappropriate. You are in shock because it is an odd thing to do. He could have all kinds of intentions. I would certainly decline.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
Sorry TJP!! I just realized my sentence could be interpret wrongly ..
"I have a feeling that you're just genuinely touched by his phone call. It's ok to enjoy a fellow stranger's kindness, just always be careful and wise. "
I meant it as you might be so touched by his kindness that you overlook signs that he could be a creeper. Just be careful!
xoxo
"I have a feeling that you're just genuinely touched by his phone call. It's ok to enjoy a fellow stranger's kindness, just always be careful and wise. "
I meant it as you might be so touched by his kindness that you overlook signs that he could be a creeper. Just be careful!
xoxo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Oh, I have NO intentions of taking him up on his offer!! Yeah, it's a 'strange' town, but I have friends that live there and I've visited there 100 times. I've been around the block enough to know there's a creep factor involved, but my gut tells me he was just being nice...and I wanted to share that with you all. Not to worry!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
So maybe as Recovering Codies we are not used to people being nice and reaching out to us, especially in this kind if circumstance...
In any case, you can take it as being a caring and thoughtful gesture but not take him up on it. I don't think he has good boundaries, so maybe he is codie, too.
I think it is inappropriate & unprofessional behavior for someone who works in a courthouse and is preparing for a court date for your son to offer to take you to lunch, etc.
Just my impression.
In any case, you can take it as being a caring and thoughtful gesture but not take him up on it. I don't think he has good boundaries, so maybe he is codie, too.
I think it is inappropriate & unprofessional behavior for someone who works in a courthouse and is preparing for a court date for your son to offer to take you to lunch, etc.
Just my impression.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 15
IMHO being in a state of great vulnerability there were folks even in AA that were very conforting and so sometimes I felt I was in a lovefest in the beginning (this may sound silly) but today I can take love and kindness but discern, yep that's the operative word for me, discern..peace and good luck to you
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
Originally Posted by SundaysChild 
Wow - what a wonderful guy. I wonder if he's had personal experience with addiction, and this is his way of giving back?
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((tjp)) - Your gut says he's nice and our guts are usually right. I had a hard time realizing that some people are just nice - there aren't any strings attached or ulterior motives. Me, being the codie I am, would be wondering "what do they REALLY want?!?!" but, amazingly, I was proven wrong when someone was nice and didn't want a darned thing.
I've also found out that many people have addiction in their life - either an RA or family that has/is struggling with it. Way back when I was getting my car insurance, I was nervous - this was the same company I'd had 2 cars "stolen" (rented out) and one totaled in 6 months.
The insurance agent was sooo nice, I told her about why I had all those claims and she said "do you mind if I ask you some personal questions? My son is on meth and I don't know what to do".
Though I do take my personal safety serious, stuff like this has happened so many times, I usually don't wonder "what do they really want?" unless my gut is telling me something isn't right.
I think it's nice that he called you back to update you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've also found out that many people have addiction in their life - either an RA or family that has/is struggling with it. Way back when I was getting my car insurance, I was nervous - this was the same company I'd had 2 cars "stolen" (rented out) and one totaled in 6 months.
The insurance agent was sooo nice, I told her about why I had all those claims and she said "do you mind if I ask you some personal questions? My son is on meth and I don't know what to do".
Though I do take my personal safety serious, stuff like this has happened so many times, I usually don't wonder "what do they really want?" unless my gut is telling me something isn't right.
I think it's nice that he called you back to update you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
The protocols in place have evolved from eons of experience.
It is not appropriate for a cop to ask you out during a traffic
stop because it places YOU in a position of great disadvantage.
Same goes for anyone in an official position.
I would be very cautious as this most basic of boundaries is
there for a rock solid reason.Distraught Mom,far from home,son
in peril.......the power equation is askew/assymetric. I think we
all know as human beings to be as kind and supportive as we can
be under the circumstances.But not over the line.
And yes,that means that kind souls will have their
feelings hurt from time to time.But when people hit their nadir they
need empathy and understanding......not to get hit on.
It put you in the uncomfortable position of wondering how to
answer a question that was injudicious/ungracious to ask.
It is not appropriate for a cop to ask you out during a traffic
stop because it places YOU in a position of great disadvantage.
Same goes for anyone in an official position.
I would be very cautious as this most basic of boundaries is
there for a rock solid reason.Distraught Mom,far from home,son
in peril.......the power equation is askew/assymetric. I think we
all know as human beings to be as kind and supportive as we can
be under the circumstances.But not over the line.
And yes,that means that kind souls will have their
feelings hurt from time to time.But when people hit their nadir they
need empathy and understanding......not to get hit on.
It put you in the uncomfortable position of wondering how to
answer a question that was injudicious/ungracious to ask.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 134
ahhhh .... we are so jaded, and yes how could we not be?
I agree that wisdom dictates caution but also it is good to be open to kindness for if we allow the evil that we have encountered to color everything we see, we will lose the ability to see true love and fellowship when offered
Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it
I have always loved the implications of that verse ... kind of neat to think of it and wonder if we have ever entertained an angel
I agree that wisdom dictates caution but also it is good to be open to kindness for if we allow the evil that we have encountered to color everything we see, we will lose the ability to see true love and fellowship when offered
Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it
I have always loved the implications of that verse ... kind of neat to think of it and wonder if we have ever entertained an angel
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