Worried about my new friend, advice?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Worried about my new friend, advice?
Sorry if I'm not posting correctly, just signed up today and have never posted on a forum!
Anyway, I have a new friend whom I've known for about 3 months. He is a recovering alcoholic who went to rehab but relapsed last year, he didn't go back to rehab but I'm pretty sure he's been sober independently for at least 6 months attending occasional AA meetings. I believe he had been an alcoholic for about 4 years, starting around the time he graduated high school.
I'm concerned because he told me the other day that he went to a party and had a drink. He said that he felt like he should drink what was handed to him because he didn't want to feel out of place and there was some girl he was trying to sleep with but was totally bombing it. Drinking to feel in with the crowd sent up a bit of a red flag to me. In the past, he's confided in me that a lot of his drinking issues were made worse by an exgirlfriend he was with throughout a LONG and complicated relationship.
So basically he's saying he's fine now because he's not with her anymore (she left him because of his drinking), but my boyfriend who's known him a lot longer than me has often said that if he started drinking again, they couldn't be friends.
I haven't told anyone yet because I'm not sure if it's a big deal, or if it's normal for recovering alcoholics to eventually learn to 'drink responsibly'. Sorry this is so long, I just don't know if I should support his choices or let someone with more ties to his past life know what's going on.
Anyway, I have a new friend whom I've known for about 3 months. He is a recovering alcoholic who went to rehab but relapsed last year, he didn't go back to rehab but I'm pretty sure he's been sober independently for at least 6 months attending occasional AA meetings. I believe he had been an alcoholic for about 4 years, starting around the time he graduated high school.
I'm concerned because he told me the other day that he went to a party and had a drink. He said that he felt like he should drink what was handed to him because he didn't want to feel out of place and there was some girl he was trying to sleep with but was totally bombing it. Drinking to feel in with the crowd sent up a bit of a red flag to me. In the past, he's confided in me that a lot of his drinking issues were made worse by an exgirlfriend he was with throughout a LONG and complicated relationship.
So basically he's saying he's fine now because he's not with her anymore (she left him because of his drinking), but my boyfriend who's known him a lot longer than me has often said that if he started drinking again, they couldn't be friends.
I haven't told anyone yet because I'm not sure if it's a big deal, or if it's normal for recovering alcoholics to eventually learn to 'drink responsibly'. Sorry this is so long, I just don't know if I should support his choices or let someone with more ties to his past life know what's going on.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by titleoursongs 
I'm not sure if it's a big deal, or if it's normal for recovering alcoholics to eventually learn to 'drink responsibly'.
If he's an alcoholic (and only he can say whether he is), what he's having is a "slip" or a relapse, and justifying it by blaming past behavior on his ex-gf. Alcoholics are very good at justifying drinking!
That said, it's his choice to drink or not to drink, and to pursue recovery or not. And perhaps he's not an alcoholic -- again that is for him to decide.
Perhaps asking some of his more long-term friends to speak with him would be helpful?
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Originally Posted by kittycat3
What does your bf think? Must be a good reason why he said they can't be friends if he drinks?
And I apologize for using the phrase 'drink responsibly', I realize now that the wording could be a bit offensive and I had no intent to be!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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It's definitely odd and you can only decide your best course of action. But certainly as a new friend i would not count on your actions to quell his habit to be taken seriously. Did he ask you to keep it secret from your BF? Sounds like there is more to the story. Assuming your bf is a healthy compassionate person - most folks don't talk about ending friendships lightly. So You are in a tough spot. Do you think his confiding in you was a call for help? In that case I most def would talk to your bf about it, he could have been expecting that to happen by sharing with you. If he is not being secretive your bf will find out soon enough anyway, no?
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I haven't told anyone yet because I'm not sure if it's a big deal, or if it's normal for recovering alcoholics to eventually learn to 'drink responsibly'
There is no more of an Absolute than NO not possible.
Welcome and thank you for posting.. Your friend is on a dangerous slope..
Here is how I fell over and over trying to find the loophole in normal drinking.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html
I hope that helps you understand our alcoholic thinking a little so you are armed with just a bit more information..
And welcome to SR !!!! check out the friends and family forum..
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