Zube

Hi everybody. I'm Zube, alcoholic. Married to normie wife, with addict step daughter.

Here is the short of it. Daughter has been addicted to pain pills for past 10 years. Stole mothers script on Saturday, filled it, and took all pills. Mom found out on Sunday and was going to kick her out of the apartment out back, which her and her kids stay, pretty much for free. Daughter does not work, has a history of legal problems, work problems, etc. all related to her addiction.

Daughter came to me asking for help to get off pills, and did not know how. I've worked with her since Sunday to get her into an Intense Outpatient Treatment program, A.A., and N.A. This is the first time that she has ever asked for help, and admitted to having a problem. What confuses me, is the way that her mother is reacting. After daughter stole script, mother wants nothing to do with her. Refuses to support her recovery. Mother has prayed for this moment for 10 years, and now that it is happening, she has separated herself from it.

I do know that early on in recovery, two big predictors of success are the willingness and desire of the person who has the addiction to recover, but also the support of those close to you. Maybe I see things differently than my wife after going through recovery, not alone, with a lot of support. I also know that the situation is out of my control (thanks to my sponsor for the reminder). I'd really like for my wife to be supportive in this recovery process, but ulitimately the decision falls on her. I will continue to support my step daughter throughout recovery.

Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Zube

smacked

Well I know when I entered recovery, I was feeling some pretty harsh natural consequences of my actions myself. It really helped me get serious.

I don't believe that family support is critical for success. I understand how you're looking at it, I understand how your wife is looking at it. She's developing some healthy boundaries for protecting herself from the effects of addiction. That's healthy. She refuses to enable her, and is creating natural consequences. That's really healthy.

My recovery was no one elses business or responsibility than my own.

That's just my opinion, of course.

Impurrfect

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm both an RA and a recovering codependent. When I finally chose recovery, my family did not trust me, were tired of the drama i had brought into their lives, and though I was provided with a roof over my head and food to eat, I had a LOT of "working my recovery" before they trusted me and didn't question every move I made.

I have almost 5-1/2 years in recovery despite living with a dad who has turned into a major codie with NO knowledge of addiction (he doesn't want to know) and a stepmom who is an active A, codie and ACOA.

My dad thinks that because I stopped, I am cured. People who are not A's just don't' understand and I gave up trying to teach him. He didn't want to know, he's now dealing with my stepmom, my RA stepsister and me. He STILL doesn't want to know and I can't change that.

Maybe your wife is feeling the same. Maybe she's tired of dealing with the drama and is detaching. Maybe she needs to be angry. One thing I've learned in my addiction/recovery journey is that people react in different ways and I can't change it or control it.

I'm glad your daughter has you, who is familiar with recovery. However, I NEEDED to be given the cold shoulder and anger to fully work my recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I'm sorry you're going through this Zube.

I think Smacked and Impurrfect make some pretty good points

I agree supports important for sure but there's no imperative it come from any particular source.

I'd alienated those close to me years before. No support there, but I still made it

I think we at addicts can sometimes forget the toll we take on others - sometimes there are consequences, and sometimes the timing can seem pretty rough.

I'm glad your step-daughter is getting the help she needs. Try not to be too hard on her mom - I bet she's hurting too.

D

CaiHong

Zube is is great that you are willing to support your stepdaughter. I am a bit puzzled by Miums reaction as well but maybe she has been through this before many times.
Is your wife addicted to painkillers, perhaps that is why she reacted so strongly. I am just guessing, no of fence.
caiHong