Burnt Bridges
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 150
Burnt Bridges
I have posted about this before, but I haven’t figured out what I should do and can really use some advice.
The last time I talked to my mom and my sister was when I was drunk almost 30 days ago now. I was on the phone and I sort of brought up some past topics/questions that I knew wouldn’t go over well with them. (Mostly about family issues/infidelity/a whole my dad says vs. you say and which is true game).
Anyway, my mom wasn’t having it and wouldn’t say anything.
My sister basically disowned me and told me she doesn’t want me around my nephew, who is also my godson.
This is all because I brought up past subjects no one wants to talk about, tell the truth about or remember. However, these are some of my demons and while this last month sober has helped me realize that it really isn’t my business and the past is the past, I still can’t believe it’s caused such a rift between me and them.
My mom’s birthday is coming up. My mom scares the **** out of me and I’m 30 years old for goodness sakes.
I don’t want to email her, because she’ll simply forward it onto my sister and talk crap about me. I don’t want to call her because I seriously am scared. I also know I can’t forget about her birthday. I want to make amends, and I assume I will be the one to apologize, though they will blame it ALL on my drinking, which really isn’t the sole reason behind my questions. I can take it though, but deep down, sure, I still do want answers.
I just don’t know how to go about trying to communicate with her. I’m scared she will say hurtful things and I’ll go into a downward spiral. I know I won’t drink, but I’ve been so stress free lately without their drama, but I also miss them a little. It’s a double edged sword.
Does anyone have any experience with trying to mend these bridges, when all they’re going to do is look at me like some alcoholic loser? I’m just really at a loss…
The last time I talked to my mom and my sister was when I was drunk almost 30 days ago now. I was on the phone and I sort of brought up some past topics/questions that I knew wouldn’t go over well with them. (Mostly about family issues/infidelity/a whole my dad says vs. you say and which is true game).
Anyway, my mom wasn’t having it and wouldn’t say anything.
My sister basically disowned me and told me she doesn’t want me around my nephew, who is also my godson.
This is all because I brought up past subjects no one wants to talk about, tell the truth about or remember. However, these are some of my demons and while this last month sober has helped me realize that it really isn’t my business and the past is the past, I still can’t believe it’s caused such a rift between me and them.
My mom’s birthday is coming up. My mom scares the **** out of me and I’m 30 years old for goodness sakes.
I don’t want to email her, because she’ll simply forward it onto my sister and talk crap about me. I don’t want to call her because I seriously am scared. I also know I can’t forget about her birthday. I want to make amends, and I assume I will be the one to apologize, though they will blame it ALL on my drinking, which really isn’t the sole reason behind my questions. I can take it though, but deep down, sure, I still do want answers.
I just don’t know how to go about trying to communicate with her. I’m scared she will say hurtful things and I’ll go into a downward spiral. I know I won’t drink, but I’ve been so stress free lately without their drama, but I also miss them a little. It’s a double edged sword.
Does anyone have any experience with trying to mend these bridges, when all they’re going to do is look at me like some alcoholic loser? I’m just really at a loss…
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I went through something similar with my father. After not speaking for about 7 years, I decided to send him a birthday card in the mail. Just kept it simple and wrote something like "just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you on your special day" or something very non-controversial like that. Good news is that he did the same thing for me on my next birthday.
It was a slow process but that was the start of it. It eventually led to several other face-to-face visits that were good since he passed away soon after those few meetinggs.
That is only my case. He and I were both dedicated to trying to keep things civil and to just slowly make something better out of a troubled situation. There are different cases where people are very toxic and it is hard to tell whether anyone benefits from resurrecting those harmful interactions. I certainly don't know your case so I can only share my experience. Wishing you the best though. Try to find a peace with yourself and the situation regardless of the outcome though. Don't let yesterdays screw up your today or tomorrow. : )
It was a slow process but that was the start of it. It eventually led to several other face-to-face visits that were good since he passed away soon after those few meetinggs.
That is only my case. He and I were both dedicated to trying to keep things civil and to just slowly make something better out of a troubled situation. There are different cases where people are very toxic and it is hard to tell whether anyone benefits from resurrecting those harmful interactions. I certainly don't know your case so I can only share my experience. Wishing you the best though. Try to find a peace with yourself and the situation regardless of the outcome though. Don't let yesterdays screw up your today or tomorrow. : )
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