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What does loving yourself mean to you?

Old 09-06-2012, 09:28 AM
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What does loving yourself mean to you?

I was moved today when answering a post about self love.

I posed a question that as I was tying I realized I was not sure I could answer for myself..... But I kept typing.... Wanted to see what came out.

I surprised myself... And made me tear up....

What does loving yourself mean to you?

Well I really never considered it?

How do you know when you feel it? Or know it?

What's the experience like if you had to describe it to someone... Maybe even your own child?

Part of my answer included the words below.

To me? It's the understanding I give myself when I mess up. The reassurance I can try again.

To me? It's finding ways to give those gifts I do have freely to others so they feel love.

To me? It's taking a moment to look around me and know I am part of something larger than me and that I have something to contribute. Large or small I can. So I do.

WTH... I had no idea I felt that way... I learned something today.

There are no silver bullets to what we face... Be it drinking..drugging.. Or anything else. We must rise up to solve them ourselves.

But I am finding, with the help of everyone here, that there are golden keys that will unlock our doors.

Today, I reminded myself that self love is one of those keys.

Without it so many other things would simply not be worth it.



So... What does loving yourself mean to you? I'd like to know.


Ken
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:36 AM
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Good Morning Ken what an awesome topic.
I have been in recovery for a little of 8 years and it took probably 6 of them to really feel like I could look in the mirror and say I love you and mean it. Hopefully It doesn't take that long for others but I did some real damage to myself for over 30 years in active addiction on the streets.
To me loving yourself is treating yourself with kindness just like you would a friend. Being gentle with ones self when experiencing pain or grief.
Going out and buying myself flowers just because.
No mean negative words to myself like I am stupid or I should of...
Allowing myself to be me without placing a judgment on it.

I guess that is good for now but how cool to look at this in black & white.
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:42 AM
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Thats a very moving post Weasel and something I'll have to have a good think about as I dont feel very loving towars myself at this time, but I will ponder on it.
GX
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:43 AM
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Great topicKen and excellent post newby! I hope Klia is reading!

Jim
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Weasel1966 View Post
To me? It's the understanding I give myself when I mess up. The reassurance I can try again.
Yes, yes, and yes! This is it for me as well. One of my greatest flaws is perfectionism. I expect a lot from other people, yes, but I am particularly tough on myself. I don't forgive easily, but I almost never forgive myself. So a big part of self-love for me, is realizing that I am human, with the same flaws and fallibility as anyone. I am going to make mistakes. Everybody does. I am making a better effort to see those mistakes for what they are, lessons and opportunities to learn and grow, as well as an opportunity not to make the same mistake repeatedly.

What an excellent topic! Thanks for posting!
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:17 AM
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I am so happy that this conversation happened. It was meant to be. I need to hear/see all of these things. I found this quote today and really liked it and believe it is absolutely true:
"We are born with self love. We didn’t have to learn it. We innately felt it."
I found a blog after searching, How Do I Love Myself. Basically she says that we are all born with self love, but some of us allow it to be pushed down so deep we don't even recognize it's there, oh, but it is. It never leaves.

I really felt comfort in that. I struggle so much with not loving myself. Honestly I struggle more with that than with drinking. My drinking is just a nasty side effect. Anyway, I felt comfort knowing that as I begin my search for self love, on this day, I don't have to look to far because it's already with me.

I feel like I've grown 10x's as a person since 9:00 this morning.

Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom, Weasel. Your words are very poetic and beautiful truths.
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:27 AM
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Interesting topic, I don't love myself, never have and mores the point, I don't really aspire to. Maybe it's the British stiff upper lip!

It's interesting to me because (maybe like a lot of people that reach for a bottle), I went through some rubbish when I was younger and I've always had a poor self image as a result. At some point in childhood I destroyed all photos of myself at home, but some survived elsewhere. I was genuinely surprised when one of these came my way a couple of years ago, I didn't recognise myself. I can't remember this girl with skinny legs and masses of dark hair. At that stage not only did I not love myself, I didn't particularly like myself either and looking back at that photo I wish that had been different. Maybe I need to start thinking about it now so in twenty years time I'm not sat somewhere staring at a photo thinking I really wish that woman had liked herself more. . .

In answer to your question for me loving myself would probably involve being more comfortable in my own skin, valuing myself more (and not feeling like the most inadequate person in the room), and shrugging off mistakes without magnifying them into something they are not,

X
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:31 AM
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Klia.... I could not be more happy for you.

You are not the only one today to have grown.... It's because of you I did as well.

Thanks!
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:36 AM
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Hi veggiejojo..I liked you posting, especially the last sentence. Made me think a bit.

PS Really like your avatar! (are you really weird? lol)

Jim
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:46 AM
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Oh Jo. that could have been me writing that post! My self esteem is on the floor, always has been! I sometimes feel like I may as well be invisible! Going to have to work on this one, me thinks

GX
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:20 AM
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This has made me think.... I honestly can't even contemplate what it must feel like to look in the mirror and like what I see, let alone love. Since I've got sober, I'm more comfortable with myself. I accept my limitations. But I'm still so aware of my faults and past mis-deeds that I actually don't like looking at myself at all!
Guess it will come at some point. I hope so!
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:23 AM
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There is an emotional part of me that is a five year old child .
He dosn't understand sophisticated things , he's five .
I can picture him in my head ..

The thoughts that run through my head about myself, the 5 year old child that is me hears those things.

Why did i tell that child hurtfull and nasty things ?

I now treat him well and tell him nice things that i'd try to imagine any 5 year old would be glad to hear, as he grows up through my life i support and tell him the things i should have been told .

Turns out i'm quite a nice bloke , just had some hard knocks and made some poor decisions .

Learning to be kind to the 5 year old at the heart of all of us was for me the start of a healthy relationship with me and it offerd a way into loving and forgiving those who had been abused and in turn abused ,

Bestwishes, M
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:26 AM
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Jeni... I understand that. When I walk to the corner store I pass a few plate glass windows. I see myself and think how much I don't like seeing me. What do others see when they see me? Certainly not the two headed freaky monster I see.

I think i will learn to love myself when I learn to express myself better. People who know me know what I think but seldome what I feel I get mum about that.

I show it hear but I hid behind pixels. And blocked pixels make me look better. lol

We all need to take time and consider how to be gentler with ourselves. I think collectively we will add just a little something to our own lives and those around us.

If that's not to sappy!
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:30 AM
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M.... I attended a while back a weekend retreat for those abused or suffering loss. It was enlightening,

I seemed to have forgotten what I learned. You reminded me.

They had us learn to speak nice to that inner child. Learn to accept that that child is good and can be loved.

Thanks for the reminder!

K
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:37 AM
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I used to and still sometimes feel conceited and cocky if I love myself. I think that it's not wrong at all, in fact its the opposite. I feel like you have to love yourself because no one else is going to do it as much as you can. You're the only one who can treat your body well, eat well etc. The only one who knows what you're saying about yourself in your own head. That's the dangerous stuff for us I think.

So I think its choosing to do the best for yourself instead of just saying "I'm not hurting anyone but myself". I don't think that's possible in a lot of cases; to only hurt yourself,, but even when it is, that is the type of thinking to get away from. Love yourself and stop hurting yourself. That's the way I'm trying to look at it.
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Old 09-06-2012, 12:31 PM
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This is such an interesting topic.

I'm still struggling with loving myself. I'm a lot less harsh on myself since I've been sober, but I still have issues with viewing myself as less important than everyone else. It's something I'm working on, and I must say that I definitely don't HATE myself any more, which was how I felt when I was a drunk.

For me, I think the most important thing is to respect my own wants and desires the same way I respect other peoples. If I start beating myself up about who I am, I ask myself whether I would be so negative if someone else had done/said/thought the things I was berating myself for. These can be such small things (not saying thank you because I was in a rush, etc) and I realise that I would never judge anyone for the small 'mistakes' they make. This way, I'm not so hard on myself.
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Old 09-06-2012, 02:56 PM
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Mrs king.... Less important than everyone else. I can relate to that. I accept lesser in life because I feel like there are other that are more deserving. It's hard for me to take what's mine in most situations. I am getting better at it but it take effort.

K
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:53 AM
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I'd still like to hear from more people. I think this topic is a serious issue and one that drives many of us to drink as much as we do.

What does loving yourself mean to you?

I thought some more about it....when I was drinking and drugging at my most I neglected every facet of my life.

Now sober since I have not solved the self loathing issues I sometimes use food as a weapon rather than drinking. I eat horribly on purpose when I don't feel good. Where it used to be a full bottle of vodka I now go and eat two big macs. I know I am doing it when I do it and it feels good. Silly I know.

Will I ever solve this? I don't believe I will.

Will I learn to feel different for the majority of the time I have left? I think so.

I have a week or so sober... Going into my second weekend. That right there is changing the way I feel.

It can only get better.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:59 AM
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Self acceptance, and looking after myself. I was always a perfectionist and wanted to please everybody. Ended up nearly ruining my life and truth was neither I nor anyone else was better off.

It doesn't mean I don't care or think about others. But I had to learn to rebuild some of the most basic boundaries when I got sober, and to recognize that they aren't always a bad thing, boundaries can be healthy, for both parties involved.

My religious beliefs have also affected my perceptions on this but that's a personal subject.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:12 AM
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Excellent and pertinent topic! I also find myself rewarding myself with food when I don't feel good. I think a lot of people do that and our cases it is certainly understandable. I am only on day 41. In my case, I am working on replacing every negative thought with a positive thought. I know I cannot change a lifetime of low self-esteem overnight. A great tool might be listing all of our positive attributes. Courage, tenacity, faith, hope and the ability to reach out to others. These are huge strengths
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