Left Behind
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 31
Left Behind
Two years ago, I met the man I'm currently head over heels for.
He kept his alcoholism a secret from me.
Then he landed in jail after his 3rd DWI and as result entered rehab and was able to find sobriety.
When he came out of rehab, I thought we would be able to start hanging out again, kind of like start again.
Well... it's been since April 26, 2012 that I've heard nothing from him.
I was concerned that he had relapsed, and that was why he hadn't contacted me, so I opened the lines of communication with his mom, and she relayed to me that he is doing well, exceptionally fine even.
But I was left behind. No letters, no calls, no texts.
Nothing but empty space where he used to lay in bed with me.
I'm trying to keep myself together here, to understand what he's going through. But at the same time, it's confusing to me that he would consider me his best friend, tell me he loved me all the time, share a bed with me, and even beg his counselor for an extra phone call just to tell me how his week has been going from rehab.
I'm confused how I could so easily be dropped from his life.
I've so far halted any attempts to contact him (via text, fb, phone, etc.)
Has this happened to anybody? How did you deal with the confusion? How is it possible to move on from a broken heart? It's almost like he died...
He kept his alcoholism a secret from me.
Then he landed in jail after his 3rd DWI and as result entered rehab and was able to find sobriety.
When he came out of rehab, I thought we would be able to start hanging out again, kind of like start again.
Well... it's been since April 26, 2012 that I've heard nothing from him.
I was concerned that he had relapsed, and that was why he hadn't contacted me, so I opened the lines of communication with his mom, and she relayed to me that he is doing well, exceptionally fine even.
But I was left behind. No letters, no calls, no texts.
Nothing but empty space where he used to lay in bed with me.
I'm trying to keep myself together here, to understand what he's going through. But at the same time, it's confusing to me that he would consider me his best friend, tell me he loved me all the time, share a bed with me, and even beg his counselor for an extra phone call just to tell me how his week has been going from rehab.
I'm confused how I could so easily be dropped from his life.
I've so far halted any attempts to contact him (via text, fb, phone, etc.)
Has this happened to anybody? How did you deal with the confusion? How is it possible to move on from a broken heart? It's almost like he died...
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 522
Dear JellyBelly,
Sorry that you are in limbo like this.
It's hard to know what advice to give but try not to dwell on why he hasn't contacted you too much. There could be so many reasons that have nothing to do with you personally. Did you ask his Mom to tell him to call you?
I am sure you will get lots of advice on here.
Take care of number one.
Sorry that you are in limbo like this.
It's hard to know what advice to give but try not to dwell on why he hasn't contacted you too much. There could be so many reasons that have nothing to do with you personally. Did you ask his Mom to tell him to call you?
I am sure you will get lots of advice on here.
Take care of number one.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you are hurting. Loss of relationships can be very painful.
I found myself grieving the loss of a personal relationship in the same way I grieved the loss of my parents. I learned that the grief process is the same for loss of any kind: loss due to death, due to ending a relationship, due to major life changes, etc.
I learned a lot about the stages of grief through resources like "Codependent No More" written by Meldoy Beattie. She has written an excellent book on relationships and also wrote a chapter on the grief process at the loss of relationships. I highly recommend the book.
I found myself grieving the loss of a personal relationship in the same way I grieved the loss of my parents. I learned that the grief process is the same for loss of any kind: loss due to death, due to ending a relationship, due to major life changes, etc.
I learned a lot about the stages of grief through resources like "Codependent No More" written by Meldoy Beattie. She has written an excellent book on relationships and also wrote a chapter on the grief process at the loss of relationships. I highly recommend the book.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
One painful thing that I had to learn in life is that the person that we slept with and who professed love for us may not view the relationship the same way we did. They may not have the same ability to commit or be in a truly reciprocal relationship. A person who is not in recovery and working their program is not fully available to anyone.
You have been very wise in your handling of this so far. I know how bad it hurts to be in limbo and feel you were left behind. Try turning this over to your higher power and just let it be.
Start planning a beautiful life for yourself. Keep posting as much as you want to. You are not alone.
dandylion
You have been very wise in your handling of this so far. I know how bad it hurts to be in limbo and feel you were left behind. Try turning this over to your higher power and just let it be.
Start planning a beautiful life for yourself. Keep posting as much as you want to. You are not alone.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Hi there
I'm sorry to hear about your situation... my boyfriend and I broke up two months ago and I was very heartbroken and have just been taking it day by day.
I can't really speculate on why he hasn't contacted you, perhaps something happened in rehab or he has been going through an emotional time. I hope you can at least feel glad for him that he is getting the help he needs and try not to take it too personally...
I'm sorry to hear about your situation... my boyfriend and I broke up two months ago and I was very heartbroken and have just been taking it day by day.
I can't really speculate on why he hasn't contacted you, perhaps something happened in rehab or he has been going through an emotional time. I hope you can at least feel glad for him that he is getting the help he needs and try not to take it too personally...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
It's really painful to be abandoned without closure. People may have their reasons for simply disappearing, but to me this is a lack of basic human decency and is a form of emotional abuse and cruelty. If he had an intimate relationship with you, it seems very unkind to simply disappear. And it's cowardly.
So maybe the best way to get closure is to think that this is a very unkind person who lacks the courage/decency to at least tell you why he has left your life. And to decide that you don't want or need someone who treats you as less than human. And to realize that his unkindness speaks volumes about him, not about your worth as a person.
((((HUGS))))
I know how much it hurts. And I could never do it to another human being. And I'm glad.
So maybe the best way to get closure is to think that this is a very unkind person who lacks the courage/decency to at least tell you why he has left your life. And to decide that you don't want or need someone who treats you as less than human. And to realize that his unkindness speaks volumes about him, not about your worth as a person.
((((HUGS))))
I know how much it hurts. And I could never do it to another human being. And I'm glad.
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