Repeating the same thing multiple times
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Repeating the same thing multiple times
My mom does this with some things that she thinks I need to do.
She thinks the more she repeats something, the more likely I am to do it "her" way.
What would possess someone to think like that?
She thinks the more she repeats something, the more likely I am to do it "her" way.
What would possess someone to think like that?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Sometimes a person gets fixated with a particular tool or method or action or program which they believe with all their heart that another person should do or use. They mean well, but have difficulty understanding that what might work for them doesn't mean that it works for everyone.
We see examples here sometimes, too. It is a form of obsession with a touch of arrogance. They think that if only the person will follow their suggestion and do what they are told then everything will be so much better. They get frustrated that their suggestions are falling on deaf ears and feel a need to keep repeating themselves in hopes that eventually they'll get through.
I've had to deal with my Mom's suggestions over the years, too. I recall a few years when she really tried to convince me to cut my waist length hair. Short hair was so much easier to take care of, and in many ways she was right. But guess what? I still have almost waist length hair.
Just because the person may have a really good point doesn't mean that we are truly going to be happier by doing what seems more practical or "better". After a few years my Mom gave up on trying to convince me to cut my hair. But even 20 years later the subject still comes up once in a while.
We see examples here sometimes, too. It is a form of obsession with a touch of arrogance. They think that if only the person will follow their suggestion and do what they are told then everything will be so much better. They get frustrated that their suggestions are falling on deaf ears and feel a need to keep repeating themselves in hopes that eventually they'll get through.
I've had to deal with my Mom's suggestions over the years, too. I recall a few years when she really tried to convince me to cut my waist length hair. Short hair was so much easier to take care of, and in many ways she was right. But guess what? I still have almost waist length hair.
Just because the person may have a really good point doesn't mean that we are truly going to be happier by doing what seems more practical or "better". After a few years my Mom gave up on trying to convince me to cut my hair. But even 20 years later the subject still comes up once in a while.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
I do this. Mainly to my stbxah. While I can't say why your mom does it, for me, it is a matter of
A). I know that my suggestion/ demand is good, so I feel that he should know about it
B). I think he doesn't listen to me, so maybe if I tell him frequently, he will get it.
C). It's true, it's like a continuous loop that plays in my head.
I think I used to do this with everyone. I quit doing it so often, when my siblings said "I get it, I know what you think I should do, but it ain't gonna happen.". I then figured they are their own person and need to make their own mistakes. Sometimes, I will catch myself wanting to tell them the same thing over and over again and I have to make a real conscious effort not to.
A). I know that my suggestion/ demand is good, so I feel that he should know about it
B). I think he doesn't listen to me, so maybe if I tell him frequently, he will get it.
C). It's true, it's like a continuous loop that plays in my head.
I think I used to do this with everyone. I quit doing it so often, when my siblings said "I get it, I know what you think I should do, but it ain't gonna happen.". I then figured they are their own person and need to make their own mistakes. Sometimes, I will catch myself wanting to tell them the same thing over and over again and I have to make a real conscious effort not to.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
As a mom, it can be difficult to watch your children "make mistakes." Some things are common sense - you "should" abide by laws, be responsible, dependable, take care of business, etc. If you are falling down in any of those areas, those who love you and particularly your mom, might point it out.
Is it a waste of time on her behalf? Probably. But she means well and it is done out of love.
Look at what she is suggesting and see if you can separate her from the suggestion.
Are you merely rebelling from someone telling you what to do and "cutting off your nose to spite your face," in the process? Or is your mom TOTALLY out of line and are her suggestions wacky and crazy?
If the latter, you might just point out why your way of doing things makes more sense . . .you can have a civil discussion - everything doesn't have to be such a horrible nightmare of a battle . . .you can agree to disagree.
Is it a waste of time on her behalf? Probably. But she means well and it is done out of love.
Look at what she is suggesting and see if you can separate her from the suggestion.
Are you merely rebelling from someone telling you what to do and "cutting off your nose to spite your face," in the process? Or is your mom TOTALLY out of line and are her suggestions wacky and crazy?
If the latter, you might just point out why your way of doing things makes more sense . . .you can have a civil discussion - everything doesn't have to be such a horrible nightmare of a battle . . .you can agree to disagree.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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My mom asks me every time we talk if I've lost weight yet.
I'm biting my tongue, but what I would like to say is, "No, but I HAVE gotten out of an abusive marriage, gotten my kids back on track to becoming healthy and happy, supported two children at home and one in college without getting much in the way of child support by harder-core budgeting than I thought I was capable of, all the while working a very demanding job, handling the everyday chores, and staying in touch with my friends."
But it wouldn't matter. She'd still ask me if I had lost weight. Because she's imposing her measure of success. But that's on her. Not on me.
I'm biting my tongue, but what I would like to say is, "No, but I HAVE gotten out of an abusive marriage, gotten my kids back on track to becoming healthy and happy, supported two children at home and one in college without getting much in the way of child support by harder-core budgeting than I thought I was capable of, all the while working a very demanding job, handling the everyday chores, and staying in touch with my friends."
But it wouldn't matter. She'd still ask me if I had lost weight. Because she's imposing her measure of success. But that's on her. Not on me.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
IME, when a person makes repeated suggestions, they are trying to control you.
Boy, was my mother that way!
Two suggestions as to how you might reply: "That's a possibility," (you may consider doing whatever they're suggesting) or "You may be right."
Boy, was my mother that way!
Two suggestions as to how you might reply: "That's a possibility," (you may consider doing whatever they're suggesting) or "You may be right."
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