A mix of emotions from fear to gratitude
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
A mix of emotions from fear to gratitude
Today was a real mix of emotions. Fortunately I was in meetings most of the day, so much of the time I was otherwise distracted from my health situation. When I did think about it, I tried not to dwell, just to notice, breathe and let go. This kind of meant for a roller-coaster ride, up and down, but I just tried not to let the downs get me....well, down.
I worked very hard to stay in the moment, whether it was during a presentation, driving down the expressway or eating lunch with coworkers. I also kept working at bringing myself back to a place of peace over and over. Not easy.
Only once did I really think about drinking--or rather the fact that I wouldn't be drinking. It lasted just a second as I was on my way home and I thought about how it might have been nice to pick up a bottle of wine when I stopped by the store. That thought only lasted a moment as there was a near instant realization that it wasn't even an option any more. Not an option--wow. Drinking or not drinking has always been an option for me, an option that I either took (and drank) or fought against and struggled not to drink--for a few days.
My newly discovered disease (Hep C) has taken the option to drink away from me and somehow I am thankful and at peace with that. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to use my health crisis as a catalyst for change--some people don't get to choose.
Anyway, Day 2 and no real cravings. I am feeling blessed and and thankful today in spite of my diagnosis so I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening
I worked very hard to stay in the moment, whether it was during a presentation, driving down the expressway or eating lunch with coworkers. I also kept working at bringing myself back to a place of peace over and over. Not easy.
Only once did I really think about drinking--or rather the fact that I wouldn't be drinking. It lasted just a second as I was on my way home and I thought about how it might have been nice to pick up a bottle of wine when I stopped by the store. That thought only lasted a moment as there was a near instant realization that it wasn't even an option any more. Not an option--wow. Drinking or not drinking has always been an option for me, an option that I either took (and drank) or fought against and struggled not to drink--for a few days.
My newly discovered disease (Hep C) has taken the option to drink away from me and somehow I am thankful and at peace with that. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to use my health crisis as a catalyst for change--some people don't get to choose.
Anyway, Day 2 and no real cravings. I am feeling blessed and and thankful today in spite of my diagnosis so I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening
Last edited by soulgypsy; 09-05-2012 at 06:03 PM. Reason: typo
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Great insight there Soul. Often, something we'd typically look at and judge as "bad" can really be a blessing in disguise. The SCRAM alcohol tether judge #3 slapped on my leg for 9 months was just like that.
At first, it seemed like a horrible deal. It hurt, it was expensive, it was huge and I'd have to wear it all summer and either let it be seen or try to wear pants all year (too hot for that though) and it sure seemed like 9 months with it on was a bit excessive.
As time progressed and I got the ability to look at it from a different angle, I could easily see how lucky I was to get that mean judge, how wise he was to put that tether on me, and how 9 months was just about the right amount of time.
Good for you for picking up on that so early in the recovery process.
At first, it seemed like a horrible deal. It hurt, it was expensive, it was huge and I'd have to wear it all summer and either let it be seen or try to wear pants all year (too hot for that though) and it sure seemed like 9 months with it on was a bit excessive.
As time progressed and I got the ability to look at it from a different angle, I could easily see how lucky I was to get that mean judge, how wise he was to put that tether on me, and how 9 months was just about the right amount of time.
Good for you for picking up on that so early in the recovery process.
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