Giveitup2244

Hello!

I see a lot of people have symbols, reasons, or people that give them the strength to push on with sobriety. I don't feel I have one, but I think I am looking at it wrong.

I use getting high as an escape from reality. Generally I smoke pot. It's not I'm addicted to marijuana, i understand its nothing like heroin in terms of destruction or dependence on the body, but its snipping that connection to reality and the ability to relax is what I crave. I used to think theres nothing wrong with smoking occationally, and thats what I did. But fast forward to the past year and I haven't been sober in months, and I haven't slept sober in well over a year.

I work 30 hours a week, go to a university full time staying on the deans list, and exercise almost 2 hours a day. I still pursue hobbies (such as web development, used to be my favorite thing to read/learn about when I was sober), but not even close to the amount I did before I started smoking.

Everyone of my friends tell me as long as I get my **** done, there's nothing wrong with smoking the way I do. I'm not in trouble, I have good grades, a decent job, but I have this horrible feeling in my gut I'm ******* up bad.

My only reason to sober up is this non-existent reality where I am more productive? Happier? I'm not even sure.

But not having the ability to disconnect from reality and recoup in my head from the anxiety and heavy thinking of the day scares me to death.

I am having trouble finding a reason to sober up, and not being able to find a reason makes me think I have a bigger problem than I originally thought.

I'm a bit confused, what should I look to to encourage sobriety when I'm doing just fine, maybe better, than if I was sober??

Any responses? I feel I just need an outside point of view to set my head straight.



Oh and P.S. tonight will be the first sober night in over a year

thenn88

I don't know everyone has their reasons for sobriety, but why not use the curiosity you have about being sober and go with it? You will see what you like and dislike after a while. There is something drawing you to it, and there is something holding you back from it. I would say try it and see what you like about it maybe.

I used to smoke a lot of marijuana but I stopped. Mainly because I went into the military but looking back I did have a different view on life when I was smoking a lot. I liked playing guitar all day and fantasizing about stuff. I'm trying to stay off of alcohol now for a ton of reasons but it is pretty tough for me. I wish you luck and I'd say give it a chance maybe? Hope I helped and I hope you find what you're looking for.

Dee74

Hi giveitup

I spent 30 years smoking pot and 20 of those years drinking as well. By the end I wasn't taking a puff or a drink, they were taking me.

I remember waking up in the morning and being ashamed - ashamed of what I looked like, ashamed of how I was wasting my life...ashamed of how much more I should and could be doing.

Being sober gave me the chance to live the life I wanted and be who I wanted to be.

I hope you'll give it a chance too - you'll find a lot of support here

D

Giveitup2244

This. That feeling of waking up and just flat out ashamed of how much more there could be done and why I'm wasting it is that horrible gnawing feeling I've been having.

@thenn88 I am going to try it out. I'm gonna let me room mate know, and not smoke for 30 days and see how my life/personality/eating habits/friends/habits have changed.

Thank you guys, it means a lot to read your responses and thank you for making me feel welcome. Having a little support feels amazing

instant

I was a drinker. I wasn't until I tried to sober up that I realised how deep in I was. Getting out was harder than I thought. Give it a go. Test your arm.

sugarbear1

That "non-addictive marijuana" gave me the "I don't give a ___ or I don't care attitude about life."

I gave it up at the age of 50 along with the beer.

My attitude has changed over the past 15 months of not smoking and not drinking!

Even the little things in life are quite exciting today.

Give it up, you'll find it's changed your brain chemistry and it has taken a while for me to get normal (still getting normal today). Just try it sober!!

Giveitup2244

Thank you again for the responses.

The only thing thing still hanging in my head this morning is what if life isn't better sober? Honestly I'm a bit scared thinking that might be true.

bluoval

The last ten continuously sober years of my life have been the best years of my life. Coincidence? I don't think so. Am I the rare exception in this regard? I don't think so. Give sobriety 30 days. If you're not satisfied, your misery will be gladly refunded.

doublej

for me, i couldn't bring myself to get sober and fully face reality until i found myself completely intolerable any other way. i suspect this is the gnawing feeling you describe, where you know something just isn't right about it. It wasn't until i reached the point where I couldn't stand myself anymore that i found the strength to quit "escaping" into the false reality you mentioned. It sounds like maybe you haven't fully gotten to that point yet, and you could spare yourself that by stopping now. Unfortunately, that's what it took for me to stop, when "enough was enough" ... i completely relate to what your experiencing, and think you are on the right path to stopping. good luck

least

My reason for getting sober was that I was more afraid of continuing to drink than I was of getting sober. I hated myself and was tired of waking up wishing I were dead.

As to life being better sober - well it sure is for me! I can do anything I want and do it better cause I'm sober. I can go anywhere and don't have to worry about getting in an accident. I take better care of myself and my beloved dogs and it shows.

Give it a shot. Try being sober for three months and see how you like it.



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