My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6
My Story
Hello everyone,
I have been reading many posts on here and wish I had the courage and strength that you all do. My girlfriend is currently in her 14th day of treatment in a 28 day facility. I just recently attended my first Nar-Anon meeting and it was truly a blessing. I have always been a very private person and never was much for opening up to anyone. Lately I have felt overwhelmed and bursting at the seams. I try to keep busy and feel at peace knowing she is in a safe program, however the anxiety is getting the best of me. I recently began therapy for myself and it is helping me a little more each week. My heart is pulled in two directions, one wanting her home, and the other wanting her in treatment. I feel selfish wanting her home, but its only for the fact that she is the love of my life, my soulmate..... You have all inspired me to share my story, and I thank you for the strength and courage, so here goes...
We met in Highschool back in 1992, I remember seeing her for the first time like it was yesterday. She was so beautiful, an athlete, and had a smile that lit up the room. I spoke with her a few times trying to find the courage to ask her on a date. When I finally asked, she had said to me, what took you so long? I felt like I was in love instantly! We spent every minute we could together those few years and at the end of my senior year I enlisted into the Army. It was a childhood dream of mine to become a U.S. Army Ranger and I accomplished everything I set as far as my military career was going. We wrote back and forth and when I was home on leave we spent time together until I went back to my unit. The letters and calls slowed down and I chalked it up to being on deployment, however when I had spoke to her again she was a different person. She had started hanging with a crowd that was drinking and using regularly. She ended up losing a scholarship to a division 1 school for soccer and her life spun out of control. I tried to intervene but was met with anger and resistance. I decided to distance myself and focus on my life.......
I ended up completing my time in the service and dated a girl and getting married. We have 3 beautiful children together but I always felt a piece of me was missing. I became a Police Officer in 2001 and was living my dream until an illness seemed to make my world come crashing down. To make a long story short, I ended up divorced and after a few years of treatment I seemed to be getting better. One night after ending my shift, I had a message on the computer.....It was her!! I felt a huge rush of emotion and all the feelings from the past came rushing back. She was as beautiful as ever. We spoke a few times and decided to meet after work one night, that was February 2011. What I thought would be an hour talk over coffee lasted until 5am. She spoke of her addiction and at the time her recovery. She had been incarcerated for a short time but was working and getting her life back on track..so I thought. She relapsed after we had been together a few months and I thought I had the answers, but I couldnt even scratch the surface of her problems. She entered a few treatment programs and she was great for a few months at a time. Unknown to me, I had become an enabler, I took care of everything and I didnt mind. I went through everything.... the lying, the stealing, it was my fault she was like this. I felt so guilty and responsible. She managed to make me feel responsible for it all. She finally said she was ready for change. She is an amazing woman when she isnt using. She is wonderful to my children, so loving and so caring. When I am feeling the effects of my illness she is always there for me, something my marriage lacked. I find myself feeling more alone than ever right now, constantly in my own head, will this be it? Will she relapse? Im a rookie when it comes to addiction and I finally came to realize this is an illness not a life choice of hers. I pray to my HP that she will find her way and want to change her life for good. We have spoke of marriage and a life together but I am hesitant to do so. This is a long journey and I am prepared to stand hand in hand with her through it. The future is uncertain with her use, only time will tell. Thank you all for giving me the courage to share my story, people say it sounds like a Nicolas Sparks book : ) Bless you all in your journey and may you all find peace and happiness.
Bigham850
I have been reading many posts on here and wish I had the courage and strength that you all do. My girlfriend is currently in her 14th day of treatment in a 28 day facility. I just recently attended my first Nar-Anon meeting and it was truly a blessing. I have always been a very private person and never was much for opening up to anyone. Lately I have felt overwhelmed and bursting at the seams. I try to keep busy and feel at peace knowing she is in a safe program, however the anxiety is getting the best of me. I recently began therapy for myself and it is helping me a little more each week. My heart is pulled in two directions, one wanting her home, and the other wanting her in treatment. I feel selfish wanting her home, but its only for the fact that she is the love of my life, my soulmate..... You have all inspired me to share my story, and I thank you for the strength and courage, so here goes...
We met in Highschool back in 1992, I remember seeing her for the first time like it was yesterday. She was so beautiful, an athlete, and had a smile that lit up the room. I spoke with her a few times trying to find the courage to ask her on a date. When I finally asked, she had said to me, what took you so long? I felt like I was in love instantly! We spent every minute we could together those few years and at the end of my senior year I enlisted into the Army. It was a childhood dream of mine to become a U.S. Army Ranger and I accomplished everything I set as far as my military career was going. We wrote back and forth and when I was home on leave we spent time together until I went back to my unit. The letters and calls slowed down and I chalked it up to being on deployment, however when I had spoke to her again she was a different person. She had started hanging with a crowd that was drinking and using regularly. She ended up losing a scholarship to a division 1 school for soccer and her life spun out of control. I tried to intervene but was met with anger and resistance. I decided to distance myself and focus on my life.......
I ended up completing my time in the service and dated a girl and getting married. We have 3 beautiful children together but I always felt a piece of me was missing. I became a Police Officer in 2001 and was living my dream until an illness seemed to make my world come crashing down. To make a long story short, I ended up divorced and after a few years of treatment I seemed to be getting better. One night after ending my shift, I had a message on the computer.....It was her!! I felt a huge rush of emotion and all the feelings from the past came rushing back. She was as beautiful as ever. We spoke a few times and decided to meet after work one night, that was February 2011. What I thought would be an hour talk over coffee lasted until 5am. She spoke of her addiction and at the time her recovery. She had been incarcerated for a short time but was working and getting her life back on track..so I thought. She relapsed after we had been together a few months and I thought I had the answers, but I couldnt even scratch the surface of her problems. She entered a few treatment programs and she was great for a few months at a time. Unknown to me, I had become an enabler, I took care of everything and I didnt mind. I went through everything.... the lying, the stealing, it was my fault she was like this. I felt so guilty and responsible. She managed to make me feel responsible for it all. She finally said she was ready for change. She is an amazing woman when she isnt using. She is wonderful to my children, so loving and so caring. When I am feeling the effects of my illness she is always there for me, something my marriage lacked. I find myself feeling more alone than ever right now, constantly in my own head, will this be it? Will she relapse? Im a rookie when it comes to addiction and I finally came to realize this is an illness not a life choice of hers. I pray to my HP that she will find her way and want to change her life for good. We have spoke of marriage and a life together but I am hesitant to do so. This is a long journey and I am prepared to stand hand in hand with her through it. The future is uncertain with her use, only time will tell. Thank you all for giving me the courage to share my story, people say it sounds like a Nicolas Sparks book : ) Bless you all in your journey and may you all find peace and happiness.
Bigham850
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
welcome to our SR family
Hate so much that someone dear to you is affected by this disease ~ but glad you are reaching out for help for you ~ that is truly the most loving supportive thing you can do for her and for you!
I hope that you will continue the AL-Anon meetings and posting here for support and help!
Also reading recovery literature is a great thing too!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Hate so much that someone dear to you is affected by this disease ~ but glad you are reaching out for help for you ~ that is truly the most loving supportive thing you can do for her and for you!
I hope that you will continue the AL-Anon meetings and posting here for support and help!
Also reading recovery literature is a great thing too!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Welcome to SR! I find it so therapeutic to share and participate, I hope you too can find some solace in the shared experiences and wisdom available here.
Read the stickies, kick off your shoes, stay a while.
Read the stickies, kick off your shoes, stay a while.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Thank you for the honesty of your story.
My grave concern is for the welfare of your innocent children.
The certain risk to them is that they will be subjected to the Jekyll/Hyde personality of an adult--a drug addict-- within their most personal and most sacred home life. The one place in the world where they should BE SAFE. You must try to face this. Your drug addict girlfriend is a time bomb in your children's lives. I am sorry to be so blunt. But for all the sweetness she shows when she is at her best behavior (which, by the way, might be opiate-induced), she will also be--when high-- the destroyer of any child's confidence, trust, and security. All drug addicts in some way destroy emotionally those who are nearest them. Your involvement with this woman is dangerous to the emotional and mental, and even perhaps physical, well-being of your three children. They are CHILDREN. Please remember this as you sort through your options.
The second less obvious risk is to your health. It is understood by most people that high levels of ongoing stress will make any chronic illness WORSE. You may be willing to accept this risk to your health as a sacrifice to be with this woman. However, you also put at risk--again--your children's well-being and security. They need you to be as well and strong as you can be. They need you more than you can perhaps imagine. And by exposing yourself to the INEVITABLE personal and hysterical crises which are guaranteed with this idealized drug-addicted woman from your past, your actions threaten your children's future, for you put yourself at risk.
I think Life is going to ask you to choose.
My grave concern is for the welfare of your innocent children.
The certain risk to them is that they will be subjected to the Jekyll/Hyde personality of an adult--a drug addict-- within their most personal and most sacred home life. The one place in the world where they should BE SAFE. You must try to face this. Your drug addict girlfriend is a time bomb in your children's lives. I am sorry to be so blunt. But for all the sweetness she shows when she is at her best behavior (which, by the way, might be opiate-induced), she will also be--when high-- the destroyer of any child's confidence, trust, and security. All drug addicts in some way destroy emotionally those who are nearest them. Your involvement with this woman is dangerous to the emotional and mental, and even perhaps physical, well-being of your three children. They are CHILDREN. Please remember this as you sort through your options.
The second less obvious risk is to your health. It is understood by most people that high levels of ongoing stress will make any chronic illness WORSE. You may be willing to accept this risk to your health as a sacrifice to be with this woman. However, you also put at risk--again--your children's well-being and security. They need you to be as well and strong as you can be. They need you more than you can perhaps imagine. And by exposing yourself to the INEVITABLE personal and hysterical crises which are guaranteed with this idealized drug-addicted woman from your past, your actions threaten your children's future, for you put yourself at risk.
I think Life is going to ask you to choose.
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