rhsff508

Would a recovered addict still be doing the same standing me up thing as she did when she was using? She said she would do anything to have me around her again and we talk on the phone more than we used too. Hell we spend more time with each other than we used too. But yesturday she completely blew me off again, no phone call, no text, no email, no facebook, nothing. She hasn't answered the phone since Thursday. Her actions don't match her words and I know what that means, but I don't want to accept that. Am I jumping to conclusions too quickly?

tjp613

Trust your gut. It will not fail you.

lesliej

nope.
probability is you are drawing the probable conclusions.
sorry.

peaceandgrace

Did she used to go days without contacting you? Did she used to stand you up?

Do you trust your instincts?

EnglishGarden

That is addict behavior.

Ann

Regardless of why she did this, it's a red flag that the relationship is not two sided and it is probably time to move on.

Hugs

rhsff508

I hear what you are all saying, but I have known her for 8 almost 9 years, I don't want to let her go. I know there is nothing I can do but I have so much guilt for not being able to do anything in the past when she first started using. I had no idea she was on heroin. I should have known but I didn't. All the times when she was with me she was high after sophmore year. I should have noticed something was different, I should have seen that she was different. It feels so wrong to give up on a friend, I wish she would quit doing this to me, I wish she would realize how much pain she is causing me. I know its not her, its the drug, but I can look in her eyes and still see a good person there. I don't believe it would be right to give up on her, its not the "christian" thing to do. On the other hand I can't bear being hurt anymore.

dollydo

You can wish all you want and that will not change one thing. She is an adult, and, will do as she pleases...when she pleases.

It's all up to you, what behavior is acceptable to you and what is not.

outtolunch

Guilt implies that you are somehow responsible for the outcome, yet

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.

If caring for and love could cure addiction none of us would be here. Addiction would not be the global epidemic it is.

Addicction is not an excuse to lie, cheat and steal.

EnglishGarden

I think it very likely she is going to use you up then toss you out.

If that happens, it will probably happen when you do not see it coming, when you are at your weakest and she is at her most-arrogant-most-selfish-most-inflated strongest. You are likely going to be blindsided when one day she turns on you with such coldness you will think you are dreaming.

If this happens, your belief in yourself, in your value, in your desirability and your sanity will all be shattered. And it will take a long time to put yourself together again. And a part of you will perhaps be scarred for good.

I would be bracing for the worst, and getting help for myself right now, if I were you. You are displaying many signs of severe codependent entanglement with a crazy drug addict, and it will worsen and make you very emotionally ill.

She uses drugs because she LOVES IT.

And her behavior--the dismissive no-show--is all the symbolic proof you need of how much she cares about you. Drug addicts love DRUGS.

You are worth better than this.

Lara

Been there, done that got the t-shirt!!! My name is 'Lara' by the way. For personal reasons I changed my name a few days ago - but might as Anna to change it back....