need A LOT of advice about addict boyfriend...
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
need A LOT of advice about addict boyfriend...
Hi, my name is Cathy and I am extremely new (and admitt pretty nieve) to the whole addiction topic. I never encountered an addict personally and would never imagine I ever would be in the situation I am in now. Before meeting my AB I wouldn't even date someone who smoked ciggs...
To give a little back story, I was in a bad relationship for 3 years in which I was treated very poorly, after that ended I was determined that I could/would never trust anyone again and made me never want to open myself to that again. I was single for nearly 2 years when I met Ron. I instantly grew feelings for Ron even though I fought it as much as I could. Ron also had no desire to be in a relationship being he had recently ended a 5year relationship in which I didn't know the reasoning til recent. I knew Ron would snort percs every once in a while, being we weren't in a committed relationship I felt I didn't have the right yet to judge or control his activities so I pushed it out of my mind. After about 3 months of us dating Ron ended up coming clean to me that not only was he in rehab last year after a 2year long addiction to oxy, but he had relapsed and was now using again everyday for a majority of the time we were together. I.was.devestated! Not only was I shocked, I felt like I didn't even know who he was. So I left him. After talking through everything he addmitted his desire to quit being that's the reason he came clean. And that he wanted me to be there to help him. I felt like I couldn't give up on him so I stuck by him. At first he stopped completely but that only lasted a few days being he kept getting sick from withdrawls and was unable to go to work. So he'd use a little to get through. Well 2 months later he had proven that nothing had changed and he still used pretty much everyday. So I had planned on leaving him. Then he mae a big choice toward quitting by moving from the apt he had surrounded by his 'friends' that only brought him into it, telling me that was the reason he was ,oving. A few days later I let him use my car to drive to work and when he returned it he had put 100 miles on it! He only works about 5 miles away... so I got pissed and left him. I was fed up. He ended up apologizing and told me he went to get subs from a guy he knew to help him quit but I don't know what to believe. I left him for about a week when we started realixing how much we wanted/needed eachother in our lives, and we are currently working on things. He now wants to move in together to help him get better. I don't know if I should. I also have kids and their dad has NO idea and honestly would take them away if he knew. Is it possible for him to get better? Should I give him a chance? What bounderies should I set? I really honestly do believe he wants to get better. But I don't want to set up un realistic expectations, but I also can't destroy myself to help him. Please, please give me advice!
To give a little back story, I was in a bad relationship for 3 years in which I was treated very poorly, after that ended I was determined that I could/would never trust anyone again and made me never want to open myself to that again. I was single for nearly 2 years when I met Ron. I instantly grew feelings for Ron even though I fought it as much as I could. Ron also had no desire to be in a relationship being he had recently ended a 5year relationship in which I didn't know the reasoning til recent. I knew Ron would snort percs every once in a while, being we weren't in a committed relationship I felt I didn't have the right yet to judge or control his activities so I pushed it out of my mind. After about 3 months of us dating Ron ended up coming clean to me that not only was he in rehab last year after a 2year long addiction to oxy, but he had relapsed and was now using again everyday for a majority of the time we were together. I.was.devestated! Not only was I shocked, I felt like I didn't even know who he was. So I left him. After talking through everything he addmitted his desire to quit being that's the reason he came clean. And that he wanted me to be there to help him. I felt like I couldn't give up on him so I stuck by him. At first he stopped completely but that only lasted a few days being he kept getting sick from withdrawls and was unable to go to work. So he'd use a little to get through. Well 2 months later he had proven that nothing had changed and he still used pretty much everyday. So I had planned on leaving him. Then he mae a big choice toward quitting by moving from the apt he had surrounded by his 'friends' that only brought him into it, telling me that was the reason he was ,oving. A few days later I let him use my car to drive to work and when he returned it he had put 100 miles on it! He only works about 5 miles away... so I got pissed and left him. I was fed up. He ended up apologizing and told me he went to get subs from a guy he knew to help him quit but I don't know what to believe. I left him for about a week when we started realixing how much we wanted/needed eachother in our lives, and we are currently working on things. He now wants to move in together to help him get better. I don't know if I should. I also have kids and their dad has NO idea and honestly would take them away if he knew. Is it possible for him to get better? Should I give him a chance? What bounderies should I set? I really honestly do believe he wants to get better. But I don't want to set up un realistic expectations, but I also can't destroy myself to help him. Please, please give me advice!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
It is possible for him to get better. I would tell him to go get sober and be sober/recovery for at least a year before I would have anything to do with him. Addicts lie. Addicts can't be trusted. NOBODY needs an addict in their life. Good luck, but imho, I would say "goodbye"!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He is an hard core addict. Addicts lie, then they lie some more, they are not capable of keeping promises. He is attempting to manipulate you, he has no intention of getting clean and working a strong recovery program. He is not ready, and, may never be. He will be an addict all his life, it is just a matter of whether he is clean and working a strong recovery program or not...very few, less than 10% recover for life.
Don't be sucked in any further and don't ever lend your car to an addict. If he gets stopped and arrested with drugs in your car you are in big trouble, in addition, if he mames or kills someone while under the influence you are really screwed.
Move on, you know that he will destroy you if you stay...think with your head, not your heart.
Take some time to read all the stickeys in the Family & Friends Forums, lot of great information at your fingertips.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Welcome to the Board. I glad you found us, and I hope you've come here with an open mind.
I was reading your post and then once I got to this sentence, I stopped:
So, you know he was snorting Percocet, but you pushed it out of your mind?
When I read a line like that, I generally like to fall back on a basic, but pointed question:
If you had a kid brother or sister, and they said they knew their boyfriend or girlfriend was snorting opiates, how would you feel, and what would you tell them in response?
Generally speaking, I don't give advice. It's not my place. What I will tell you, though, is addiction is no joke. If you're skeptical, go to our home page and read the sticky note called "What Addicts Do". Then read it again. And again. Because that's exactly what you're up against right now.
Read as many posts as you possibly can. Some of us are very forward and very direct with their comments. Don't let that scare you off -- they mean well.
Hope you stay with us for a while.
Best,
ZoSo
I was reading your post and then once I got to this sentence, I stopped:
I knew Ron would snort percs every once in a while, being we weren't in a committed relationship I felt I didn't have the right yet to judge or control his activities so I pushed it out of my mind.
When I read a line like that, I generally like to fall back on a basic, but pointed question:
If you had a kid brother or sister, and they said they knew their boyfriend or girlfriend was snorting opiates, how would you feel, and what would you tell them in response?
Generally speaking, I don't give advice. It's not my place. What I will tell you, though, is addiction is no joke. If you're skeptical, go to our home page and read the sticky note called "What Addicts Do". Then read it again. And again. Because that's exactly what you're up against right now.
Read as many posts as you possibly can. Some of us are very forward and very direct with their comments. Don't let that scare you off -- they mean well.
Hope you stay with us for a while.
Best,
ZoSo
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
You deserve better than this, cathy. If your BF wants to get clean, he can do it with or without you. My personal opinion is that he isn't ready yet to quit, so he cuts down for a while until you get off his back, then he continues on, getting another story ready for when you find out he's still using.
Yes, addicts lie. They are masterful liars and manipulators. He has already manipulated you at least a couple of times. You have come a long way from someone who won't even date a person who smokes cigarettes. You are now involved with a full blown addict. Like I said, you deserve better.
P.S. to add: If you know your ex husband would take the kids away if he knew you were involved with this guy, why in the world would you chance it?? Is this guy worth losing your kids??
Yes, addicts lie. They are masterful liars and manipulators. He has already manipulated you at least a couple of times. You have come a long way from someone who won't even date a person who smokes cigarettes. You are now involved with a full blown addict. Like I said, you deserve better.
P.S. to add: If you know your ex husband would take the kids away if he knew you were involved with this guy, why in the world would you chance it?? Is this guy worth losing your kids??
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
If you had to choose between keeping your ABF or your kids, who would you choose? There is the answer you are looking for.
If you continue this relationship you will be so hyper-focused on HIM and HIS actions and whether HE is using or HE is lying or HE is relapsing (blah blah blah) that you will end up emotionally neglecting your children. You may think I am exaggerating or accusing you of being a 'bad mom'. I'm not! It's just what happens when you have a relationship with an addict. PLEASE don't move in with him and expose your kids to the inevitable mayhem that will result if you live together. There will be fights, and lots of them...and him leaving or getting kicked out over and over again. Is this really how you want your kids to live?
I strongly suspect that he wants to move in with you so he'll have more money to spend on drugs -- that's what I think. Drugs are expensive. I know this because my son is an opiate addict (heroin now) and I've seen his addiction progress for 6 years now. I've seen young mothers on this board struggle with these issues for 3 years. I've seen it a thousand times. The stories are all so similar it's crazy.
He may want to get clean. He might even make some valiant efforts to do so, but getting clean from opiates is EXTREMELY hard work. I wonder if you really understand how difficult it is. Do not underestimate the power of opiate addiction. My son has lost EVERYTHING and he's only 22 years old. He's been in multiple rehabs, detox's, sober houses, and is now homeless, penniless and in jail because we have refused to enable his drug use any longer. This is what opiates do. They DESTROY lives -- not only their own but all of those who love them, too.
Run. Run fast. Do not look back.
If you continue this relationship you will be so hyper-focused on HIM and HIS actions and whether HE is using or HE is lying or HE is relapsing (blah blah blah) that you will end up emotionally neglecting your children. You may think I am exaggerating or accusing you of being a 'bad mom'. I'm not! It's just what happens when you have a relationship with an addict. PLEASE don't move in with him and expose your kids to the inevitable mayhem that will result if you live together. There will be fights, and lots of them...and him leaving or getting kicked out over and over again. Is this really how you want your kids to live?
I strongly suspect that he wants to move in with you so he'll have more money to spend on drugs -- that's what I think. Drugs are expensive. I know this because my son is an opiate addict (heroin now) and I've seen his addiction progress for 6 years now. I've seen young mothers on this board struggle with these issues for 3 years. I've seen it a thousand times. The stories are all so similar it's crazy.
He may want to get clean. He might even make some valiant efforts to do so, but getting clean from opiates is EXTREMELY hard work. I wonder if you really understand how difficult it is. Do not underestimate the power of opiate addiction. My son has lost EVERYTHING and he's only 22 years old. He's been in multiple rehabs, detox's, sober houses, and is now homeless, penniless and in jail because we have refused to enable his drug use any longer. This is what opiates do. They DESTROY lives -- not only their own but all of those who love them, too.
Run. Run fast. Do not look back.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
of course he wants to move in with you...he can twist you deeper into the spiral, get you more connected to him, enmesh your lives a little more...and use you.
this can all be done under the guise of "needing help...to, of course 'get better' "
you need to realize that addicts lie, manipulate and deceive and it doesn't matter whether it is intentional or not!!! it just becomes part of how they move through the world...the drugs, the mental addiction, the insanity of the whole situation creates these interpersonal relationships...
he may seem like the greatest guy, and you may feel desperate to "help him"...maybe you can't imagine "letting him go"
this is how every addict/codependent relationship feels
disregard whether his ability/necessity to manipulate and use is "intentional" or not
it just is what it is
it's what addicts do
save yourself days, weeks, months, years of despair, and save the lives of your children...clear out!
I suggest that you read the post from the woman who just came back on board..."the wonderful man with the horrible problem..."
and read this too...Addiction, Lies and Relationships
this can all be done under the guise of "needing help...to, of course 'get better' "
you need to realize that addicts lie, manipulate and deceive and it doesn't matter whether it is intentional or not!!! it just becomes part of how they move through the world...the drugs, the mental addiction, the insanity of the whole situation creates these interpersonal relationships...
he may seem like the greatest guy, and you may feel desperate to "help him"...maybe you can't imagine "letting him go"
this is how every addict/codependent relationship feels
disregard whether his ability/necessity to manipulate and use is "intentional" or not
it just is what it is
it's what addicts do
save yourself days, weeks, months, years of despair, and save the lives of your children...clear out!
I suggest that you read the post from the woman who just came back on board..."the wonderful man with the horrible problem..."
and read this too...Addiction, Lies and Relationships
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
Cathy
i came to this site for similar reasons. my then bf drank a lot, and did acid from time to time, but had done some pretty heavy drugs in his time, and had been addicted to meth before i met him. i too didnt really understand the situation when we first started dating, but when it started getting serious, i came here for answers. i can tell you its very confronting and hard to hear, but at the end of the day, i left. he too tried to tell me he would quit (his drinking was more of a concern for me as he did that every day) and after 2 weeks he had a relapse and didnt think it was a big deal. i just walked out. left him a note and pretty much didnt hear from him again. addicts lie to themselves, to us, to everyone about how not a big deal this is, and to be honest, i dont think they actually see it as a problem. but it was to me. i didnt want my kids to be exposed to it. all his friends were addicts, dealers or people he used or drank with. he did get rid of his addict friend while we were together, but i wanted nothing to do with ANY of his friends. just remember if he moves in with you, then his friends will come over to your home where your kids are. do you want that? his drugs will be in your house with your kids. do you want that? do you want your ex to find out and then you will probably lose your kids. do you want that? you are putting your kids and yourself in a lot of danger, and its just so you can satisfy your codependency addiction of your own. kick him out, and then go get some professional help as to why you like to be in relationships with men who will eventually treat you poorly, while you are giving them everything to help them. go help yourself and your kids. end this and get help. you deserve better!
i came to this site for similar reasons. my then bf drank a lot, and did acid from time to time, but had done some pretty heavy drugs in his time, and had been addicted to meth before i met him. i too didnt really understand the situation when we first started dating, but when it started getting serious, i came here for answers. i can tell you its very confronting and hard to hear, but at the end of the day, i left. he too tried to tell me he would quit (his drinking was more of a concern for me as he did that every day) and after 2 weeks he had a relapse and didnt think it was a big deal. i just walked out. left him a note and pretty much didnt hear from him again. addicts lie to themselves, to us, to everyone about how not a big deal this is, and to be honest, i dont think they actually see it as a problem. but it was to me. i didnt want my kids to be exposed to it. all his friends were addicts, dealers or people he used or drank with. he did get rid of his addict friend while we were together, but i wanted nothing to do with ANY of his friends. just remember if he moves in with you, then his friends will come over to your home where your kids are. do you want that? his drugs will be in your house with your kids. do you want that? do you want your ex to find out and then you will probably lose your kids. do you want that? you are putting your kids and yourself in a lot of danger, and its just so you can satisfy your codependency addiction of your own. kick him out, and then go get some professional help as to why you like to be in relationships with men who will eventually treat you poorly, while you are giving them everything to help them. go help yourself and your kids. end this and get help. you deserve better!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 109
Why, oh why, would you even consider having this man within a 500 mile radius of YOUR CHILDREN?
My own AS doesn't live with his daughter. And, I would be scared to death if my granddaughter's mother would allow him to.
Please, put your children first. I work with teens and the sad stories they can tell me about the addicts in their lives bring me to tears.
With compassion,
Peaceandgrace
My own AS doesn't live with his daughter. And, I would be scared to death if my granddaughter's mother would allow him to.
Please, put your children first. I work with teens and the sad stories they can tell me about the addicts in their lives bring me to tears.
With compassion,
Peaceandgrace
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Ménage à trois
The literal translation of ménage à trois means a household of three. As it applies to potentially moving in together this means you are a far distant third to his first love, opiates. Drugs have rewired his brain to protect and sustain addiction. Lying and manipulation are the primary tools used to do so.
There is nothing you can say or do, or not, that will get or keep him sober or cause a relapse if he manages to get sober on his own. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
Nothing good can come from exposing your children to him.
There is nothing you can say or do, or not, that will get or keep him sober or cause a relapse if he manages to get sober on his own. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
Nothing good can come from exposing your children to him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 8
Im sorry If someone has already said this, I only had time to read a few responses, need to leave for work, but I also need to tell u my opinion, I have been married for 21 yrs to an addict, and have 2 kids with him, I am now 41 yrs old and just now realizing how much time,and energy I have wasted, They will not change for you, for your kids, NOONE! please reconsider bring your children around an addict. my children have basically been robbed of having a loving careing father because all an addict cares about is his drug of choice. imho run and dont look back
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Originally Posted by cathy4 
I also have kids and their dad has NO idea and honestly would take them away if he knew.
Loving an addict is really painful. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
people often wonder how an addict can choose drugs over their children...maybe they don't see it as a choice because their disease blinds them to the choices they are making
I think codependents make the same sort of choices
our need for the addict, our addiction to them, has us making choices that others don't understand
my daughter told me at one point in her pregnancy that she couldn't imagine her daughter being around my struggling crack addict boyfriend (now EX) and I was fortunately far enough toward my own recovery to understand...
it was another beautiful life affirming reason for me to let go
here I am, babysitting my beautiful three month old granddaughter...no fears of allowing crack addiction into her environs.
and my heart is healthier, happier, more ready and willing to share in a world of joy with her
and...guess what? I still get to love and care for my ex...but from afar, detached, and with an unconditional sense, because I no longer have conditions on him
I pray for his recovery
and I love my life
I think codependents make the same sort of choices
our need for the addict, our addiction to them, has us making choices that others don't understand
my daughter told me at one point in her pregnancy that she couldn't imagine her daughter being around my struggling crack addict boyfriend (now EX) and I was fortunately far enough toward my own recovery to understand...
it was another beautiful life affirming reason for me to let go
here I am, babysitting my beautiful three month old granddaughter...no fears of allowing crack addiction into her environs.
and my heart is healthier, happier, more ready and willing to share in a world of joy with her
and...guess what? I still get to love and care for my ex...but from afar, detached, and with an unconditional sense, because I no longer have conditions on him
I pray for his recovery
and I love my life
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
You knew he was a drug user the first time he told you he was snorting percs. You know a relationship with an addict jeopardizes custody of your children. I don't even see where a question mark should be formed in regards to staying with this person.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 180
If you continue this relationship you will be so hyper-focused on HIM and HIS actions and whether HE is using or HE is lying or HE is relapsing (blah blah blah) that you will end up emotionally neglecting your children. You may think I am exaggerating or accusing you of being a 'bad mom'. I'm not! It's just what happens when you have a relationship with an addict. PLEASE don't move in with him and expose your kids to the inevitable mayhem that will result if you live together. There will be fights, and lots of them...and him leaving or getting kicked out over and over again. Is this really how you want your kids to live?
I agree completely with tjp. About a year ago I was in the exact same spot you are in with your abf and I wish I would have listened to all the advice I got here on SR but I was too much in denial and didn’t understand addiction enough. My ex too was and still is addicted to pills…anything and everything….vicodin, Xanax, adderrall and god knows what else. I am a single mom and I allowed this person to really screw with my head. Now I am a very independent and strong individual and I must say, no relationship with a man has ever gotten me to the point of feeling so emotionally exhausted and out of control as the one with this addict. My focus was not completely 100% on my daughter. You may not see it now but this is what will happen to you.
He may want to get clean. He might even make some valiant efforts to do so, but getting clean from opiates is EXTREMELY hard work. I wonder if you really understand how difficult it is. Do not underestimate the power of opiate addiction. My son has lost EVERYTHING and he's only 22 years old. He's been in multiple rehabs, detox's, sober houses, and is now homeless, penniless and in jail because we have refused to enable his drug use any longer. This is what opiates do. They DESTROY lives -- not only their own but all of those who love them, too.
I thought my ex when he finally got to rehab there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It was finally all worth it. All the drama, chaos, time invested, etc. Not exactly. He came out of rehab, he was sober for maybe a few months, that’s when his mental health issues started to surface (he was self medicating for a reason) and then relapsed. He was crazier and more dysfunctional after rehab as he was before, and he just learned how to lie, manipulate and hide his drug usage better. I still cringe to think of the things he has done, the lies he has told, the manipulations he was created. I haven’t spoken to him in awhile but it still gives me the chills to think about how evil addicts are. Please don’t go down the same road. I really was living in denial that things would be ok. I had no clue. Like everyone says, run, run fast and do not look back.
That post of the “wonderful man with the horrible problem” has also left me with chills after the weekend so like LeslieJ said, read that one too. I found out about so many lies with my ex because I basically became a snooper (which I’ve never done before with anyone) and would find the truth. Then I think to myself, good god, what DON’T I know. The only truth I have is the stuff I had to dig for myself. God knows what else there is that was hidden. Run, run fast and don’t look back for your children’s sake. Luckily my daughter was only three when it ended and I told myself he is not worth it. I did not grow up in an addict home and I don’t want her to. Now my exBF did grow up with addiction in his home, and look where he is now. Do you want to increase your children’s chances of living with an addict adult in the home.
Sorry, but your story just seemed to hit too close to home for me.
I agree completely with tjp. About a year ago I was in the exact same spot you are in with your abf and I wish I would have listened to all the advice I got here on SR but I was too much in denial and didn’t understand addiction enough. My ex too was and still is addicted to pills…anything and everything….vicodin, Xanax, adderrall and god knows what else. I am a single mom and I allowed this person to really screw with my head. Now I am a very independent and strong individual and I must say, no relationship with a man has ever gotten me to the point of feeling so emotionally exhausted and out of control as the one with this addict. My focus was not completely 100% on my daughter. You may not see it now but this is what will happen to you.
He may want to get clean. He might even make some valiant efforts to do so, but getting clean from opiates is EXTREMELY hard work. I wonder if you really understand how difficult it is. Do not underestimate the power of opiate addiction. My son has lost EVERYTHING and he's only 22 years old. He's been in multiple rehabs, detox's, sober houses, and is now homeless, penniless and in jail because we have refused to enable his drug use any longer. This is what opiates do. They DESTROY lives -- not only their own but all of those who love them, too.
I thought my ex when he finally got to rehab there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It was finally all worth it. All the drama, chaos, time invested, etc. Not exactly. He came out of rehab, he was sober for maybe a few months, that’s when his mental health issues started to surface (he was self medicating for a reason) and then relapsed. He was crazier and more dysfunctional after rehab as he was before, and he just learned how to lie, manipulate and hide his drug usage better. I still cringe to think of the things he has done, the lies he has told, the manipulations he was created. I haven’t spoken to him in awhile but it still gives me the chills to think about how evil addicts are. Please don’t go down the same road. I really was living in denial that things would be ok. I had no clue. Like everyone says, run, run fast and do not look back.
That post of the “wonderful man with the horrible problem” has also left me with chills after the weekend so like LeslieJ said, read that one too. I found out about so many lies with my ex because I basically became a snooper (which I’ve never done before with anyone) and would find the truth. Then I think to myself, good god, what DON’T I know. The only truth I have is the stuff I had to dig for myself. God knows what else there is that was hidden. Run, run fast and don’t look back for your children’s sake. Luckily my daughter was only three when it ended and I told myself he is not worth it. I did not grow up in an addict home and I don’t want her to. Now my exBF did grow up with addiction in his home, and look where he is now. Do you want to increase your children’s chances of living with an addict adult in the home.
Sorry, but your story just seemed to hit too close to home for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 5
Be careful being in a relationship with an addict. We can get our hearts so invested in it that we ignore the lying, the backstabbing, the cheating, and the anger. We try our best to see the good in them when there is nothing but the drug. Only when they are clean can we really know them. Even then, sometimes the person we loved may be too far gone. Just have faith and He will tell you what to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
THANK YOU all for your replys. I do not take them as harsh. I need the honest truth because I am oblivious to the whole topic. I agree with most of the advice. And you all made me really question things for myself that I wasn't even realizing. Love does that to us sometimes... I know I have to sit down and talk to him. I just don't know what to say or where to begin... thank you all again.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Begin with defining the life you desire for your children and for yourself and compare that to what he offers you right now -- accepting who he is, without any expectation for change. Is that life acceptable to you? No? Then there is really not much to say other than goodbye.
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