detachwithlove

Hi, I am new to this site. My daughter has been an addict for the past 10 years (oxy). Four years ago she gave birth to my grandson when she was almost tapered from methadone. She then gave birth to my other grandson a year later. She and her fiance were then both off their methadone. Two years later they relapsed and have since went back on methadone. Three months ago my daughters fiance left her because even though she was on methadone she continued addictive behaviours that he could no longer tolerate (lying, impulsity, poor money management). They originally agreed to shared custody and signed waivers at the methodone clinic allowing each other access to their files. My daughter started dating someone about a month ago and her fiance began noticing odd behaviours returning so he asked to see her file at the clinic. It showed she had weened herself down to 3mg of methadone per day and then stopped cold turkey about a week age, but there were 4 pee tests that showed traces of cocaine in the last 4 weeks since she starting dating this new boyfriend. He stopped by today and said he would like to withhold her rights to any contact with the boys until she has two weeks of clean pee tests and then increase contacts to every other weekend after 4 consecutive weeks of clean pee tests and then after 3 months, if a hair follicle test is clean allow her the shared custody they had originally agreed to. My question is this: how does he go about the whole pee testing? Where does he get them from? He asked me if I would consider doing the test every Wed and Sun. My husband and I have always suspected drug use but until today never had proof. We support his requests he is making on our daughter as it is showing a parent being responsible for his children. We just don't know if any of you may have a better suggestion as to how she can show him she is clean. Please help us.....

outtolunch

Testing is best done by a third party. Regardless, any addict worth their salt can scam a simple pee test. Hair follicle testing is far more accurate.


Custody issues are best resolved in court, where they are enforcable.

Impurrfect

(((DWL))) - welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I agree with the above...I'm a recovering addict and though I never tried to scam a pee test, I know of several who did. The hair follicle test is the best.

If he does go ahead with the pee test, I would recommend it be done with NO advance notice and done by an independent lab.

FWIW, I also have loved ones who are A's and my gut has always been pretty spot on when someone is using.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

detachwithlove

The reason my daughter's ex-fiance chose the pee test route for the first 90 days was because hair follicle goes back 90 days and he doesn't want to withhold the kids for 90 while he's waiting. The pee tests for the first couple weeks would show him she's making an effort. Do labs in Canada charge for pee tests? and how can you control for tainted pee tests?

Impurrfect

I don't know about the charge in Canada. I've heard of various ways people have fooled the tests, but am not going to post it here in case a still-active-addict says "hey, THAT'S how I'll fool the next one!"

Drugs are traceable for varying times, depending on the drugs and with some you can use and test clean in a couple of days. That's why I recommended no advance notice.

Has he talked with an attorney? Many have a free consultation so he can find out what he can legally do to protect the kids.

I can tell you that when I was still using? I had to report to a probation officer once a month. I knew exactly when I could use, when I needed to stop to test clean Not something I'm proud of, but when we are actively using, we protect our addiction.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

suki44883

Also, there are possibilities of false-positives with those urine tests. When I was in IOP, I took a test and it came back positive for opiates. OPIATES??? I've never used an opiate in my life to my knowledge. I was a beer drinker!! I think I posted about it here and several people asked if I had eaten a poppyseed muffin or anything that day, but I hadn't. It was just a false-positive, but convincing them at the IOP that it was just wrong, was nearly impossible. Luckily, I never tested positive again.

Ann

I agree with the above that the custodial issues are best left to the courts.

Tests are not free in Canada, as far as I know. Rehabs don't charge residents for them because they are a mandatory part of the program, but they have to pay for them from the supplier.

I am glad that at least someone is watching out for the children, but really think that a third party needs to be involved to keep it fair, safe, and enforceable.

Hugs