jaz06

On the verge of tears (woops, too late), feel like crap, shaking while typing. Bad day yesterday. Someone passed me a glass of wine w/out me asking for one (I don't blame the person, probably just used to me always accepting, which I did). I didn't say a dang word, & totally gave in. Why? I don't know. What's crazy is that I kind of had this feeling of embarassment & feeling nervous, knowing that if I turned it down everyone around me would question why. Of course, history repeating itself, 1 led to another than another. So angry & disappointed in myself!

This isn't my first post, but only joined a few days ago. For those that have advised that 'weaning' myself or cutting back is not the way to go, you couldn't be more right. Why I keep trying that, I don't know. I'm beating my head against a brick wall.

I know I have to make changes in order for changes to happen, I've read that several times on here. Of course that makes sense. I know I shouldn't surround myself with those who drink. But those I love the most are all drinkers, I'm the only one with the problem. It's not fair for me to ask them to not drink around me. I've already withdrawn myself enough from family & friends in order to be alone with my drinking, now I have to withdraw even more to not be around it?

Just a bad day. Thanks for listening.
Trying to keep my head up.

Anna

You keep trying to wean because it means you don't really need to stop yet. It's what the disease tells us.

Yes, it's hard. I thought I could go out to a neighborhood party in early recovery and it was awful. I was in a fit anger all evening, but I didn't drink. However, the next day I went out and bought a bottle of wine. It became crystal clear to me, I had to stay away from alcohol and people drinking for quite some time. Can you make plans to meet for coffee or a movie with family members?

doggonecarl

Have you told them you have a problem and quitting is the solution?

If they aren't going to stop drinking, and if you aren't going to stop being around drinkers, then you need to make yourself more accountable.

Could you at least remove yourself from drinking until you can get a firmer hold on your recovery?

2granddaughters

I was like that as well. Today the folks I love most are AA'ers

All the best.

Bob R

artsoul

I'm sorry you're hurting, jaz. I remember those days so vividly, waking up and thinking "I did it AGAIN" - the depression and anxiety is awful.

I think if the people you went out with are real friends, they wouldn't want you to feel this way - they'd only want the best for you and would be proud of you for dealing with your drinking problem.

When I stopped drinking, it felt like the whole world was out having fun and leaving me behind. It took a while for me to realize I wasn't losing anything - I was actually getting back my life. I think I'm a better friend today because I'm a better me.

Live2Run25

Jaz, I think you should be honest to these people. If you don't speak up and tell them firmly that you've quit drinking, they will keep offering you that wine. You can still have fun, but I think you should tell them, instead of hide it. Be honest with yourself as well. That's when sobriety makes sense.

Dee74

There's some great advice here jaz.

My life and social circle pretty much revolved around drinking - I really had to make some big changes if I wanted to stay sober - sounds like you might too?

D

choublak

But because it hasn't happened yet, you don't know how people will or will not react. You might be pleasantly surprised. You never know.

forabetterlife

Jaz-- I think being around alcohol during your first weeks (maybe longer, I never made it that far!) is terribly difficult, if not torture, or impossible. I can't tell you how many stops and starts I have had, so I am right there with you, I know how hard it is. But, it sounds like you know, too, how awesome it feels to be sober, to wake up sober, to accomplish daily tasks sober, to not have guilt, I could go on and on. For me, after a period of abstinence, I usually just drink "a little" here and there, to see how I handle it. Before I know it, I'm right back into my old ways.

Try to get through this first day, its always the hardest. I'm still new at this, but do know that it gets better with every passing day. And with every craving or temptation you overcome, you get stronger. Good luck you...hugs...

Hevyn

Hi jaz. I'm so glad you came here to discuss what happened. Most of us have had a similar setback in the beginning. I had to start over again many times, but I finally got it. Life is so much better with a clear head, no cloud of fog hanging over us.

I felt sorry for myself when I first quit. I can remember thinking it was the end of having fun or relaxing. If I'd been honest, I would have admitted it had been many years since it had been fun. All my drinking sessions were unpredictable and dangerous in the end. As artsoul said, we aren't losing a thing - we're reclaiming our lives.

You can do it, jaz. We know you can.

Someguy23

I was in a similar situation recently and I completely understand the feeling of embarassment.

I'm not going to lie to you, people will notice it if you refuse a drink, especially in a more intimate setting. They're not offering you orange juice, having drinks together is something of a social institution. In fact, if they're used to you enjoying a drink, there's a good chance they'll ask you why you're refusing.

You can tell them you've quit, if you're comfortable doing so, but you can always say you're taking a break for health reasons and it's not even a lie. I can assure you they'll stop caring pretty quickly.

If you remain firm, they'll stop giving you drinks without asking first after one "no thanks" and will probably stop offering you after a few more.

Dee74

I would have sworn this was gospel once too, but actually my situations been the opposite...

unless they were regular drinking buddies of mine, noone ever batted an eyelid - noone literally cares whether I drink or not.

D

Someguy23

Your mileage may vary, I'm just sharing what my experience has been.

Besides, it's always better to be ready for the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around, right?