MissyShelle76

. . . . I could quit on my own.

My drinking scares me. Scares me because I know life is better without alcohol, but I can't seem to quit. I quit before, with the help of AA. So I guess it's time to get back there.

It's funny. When I quit before, I was drinking more, drinking harder. Now, it's not as much. But it scares me more. Because I know how amazing sobriety is. But this time, it seems harder to quit.

I'm scared. I'm scared of losing everything. I'm scared of this being who I am.

I have to quit. The idea of not quitting scares me. Yet, I keep drinking. That is the insanity of it all.

I feel hopeless. Lost. Scared.

And it's no ones fault but my own.

2granddaughters

See you in the rooms, Missy. It truly is a progressive disease.

All the best.

Bob R

Sapling

I was terrified when I went to AA...It saved my life. Best of luck to you MissyShelle76...If you are willing to put in the work....It works.

Anna

I hope that you do whatever it takes for you to stop drinking and recover.

tomsteve

yup, fear of what life like alcohol was gonna be like was there for me,too. but the fear of taking another drink was greater.
i got me some courage and walked into an AA meeting. it has been a blessing.

you are not hopeless!! AA will teach you how to stop blaming yourself. we will love you til you can love yerself.


have a great meeting!

doggonecarl

Big cyber hug, Missy.

Scared is good I think.

Being scared put me on my knees...and on the road to sobriety.

MissyShelle76

I've been to AA. It helped me get 42 days of sobriety. Then a fall-out happened and I used it as an excuse to drink again.

But it worked. It really worked. But I realize now, I approached it wrong. I replaced the socializing of drinking with the socializing of AA. I didn't pay attention to truly working the steps. I paid attention to socializing. And I achieved 42 days of sobriety because I surrounded myself w/ people who didn't drink.

But now, I know, when I go. I need to listen. I need to absorb. I need to work the steps.

When I achieved 42 days of sobriety, I also had peace. And I looked better. And I loved waking up. And I want that again. But obviously, I can't do it alone. I can't just sit home and hope it works. Because when I sit home, I end up going out to drink.

I work so hard to achieve in my life. And I have this THING that humiliates me. This one thing that takes over. And I feel completely and totally helpless.

tomsteve

you may feel helpless, but since ya want help, yer not.
yer not a bad person. yer just a sick person.

Sapling

If you do that...Your life will change.

MissyShelle76

Thank you everyone. I"m at a point of thinking I need to just get on my knees and be honest with God. Admit I am completely scared, completely lost and I need, want, desire, to be sober. And see what happens.

PaperDolls

You've got nothing to lose. Do it.


I see you're in MO .... depending on where, I may be close to you. PM me if you're interested in seeing if we're near each other. I'd be glad to meet you at a meeting some time.

soberjim

Missy....You are not totally 'lost'. You found SR. Hey that is a good place to start.

I notice you point out 42 days sober and how great that felt. That was a major accomplishment. YOU CAN DO THAT AGAIN. Focus on that success and know you can reach it and build upon it...

Please keep posting.

Jim

PaperDolls

As Jim says, you can do that again ..... AND, if you get a sponsor and work the steps it will be even MORE amazing. That's a promise.

wow04

Missy, you know what you have to do. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps. You can do this!!

Dee74

Sounds like you have a good plan Missy
way to go

D