kyleg

I have never said that before. I am an alcoholic. I'm 31 years old and starting day two of sobriety. Experiencing all the expected symptoms, nausea, blistering headaches, skin crawling, mood swings, extreme levels of anxiety, anxiousness, depression and self doubt. I vomited all morning yesterday and cried all morning today. I'm a pretty big guy and I have no appetite what so ever. It is heartbreaking to realize how far this has gone. How much I let the booze run things. I have lost a lot to this. I have been drinking heavily for about 9 years, no mornings/days/nights off. Last night was the first night I went to bed sober since I can remember. About a year and a half ago my live in girlfriend of 11 years left me and moved 2,000 miles away. Looking back now I can't say I blame her. I didn't even realize how much she covered things up for me. She worked very hard to make everything look normal on the outside, nice house and yard, good clothes and cars and I worked very hard to destroy it all. She just had enough and couldn't watch me continue to waste my life and potential, as well as slowly kill myself. I succeeded and when she left, it got real bad. 24+ beers a day and what every free shots of whiskey the bartender was giving away. Everyday was a six pack breakfast since I can remember. I would drink in the car on the way to work, in the parking garage before work, in the bathroom at work, at the bar after work and from rise to rest on days off. I'm a highly functioning drunk and alcoholism is not uncommon and rather accepted in my industry, I am a Chef. I fell asleep behind the wheel, drunk, on the freeway last spring and rolled my car seven times up and down the hill on the side, I walked away and fled the scene to avoid a DUI. Although I did break my neck, I was too drunk to realize it. Fractured c5 and ruptured the disk between c5 and c6, by the time I went to the hospital, the swelling was so bad that the disk was pushing in my spinal cord and causing numbness in my hands, I was out if work and in a cervical collar for a month. I just thank God it was 3:30 in the morning when the accident happened and I only hurt myself, I mean, what if I was giving someone a ride home or there was other cars on the road? That didn't stop me, I actually just remembered that I was mad at the E.R. doctors because they didn't let me out in time to get beer and had to drink some girly vodka left over in my freezer, yeah had to drink it. I feel awful physically and emotionally today. I couldn't sleep last night. I would get and hour or an hour and half, have a vivid, strange, nightmare/dreamscape. When I wasn't asleep I laid in bed and listened to what I thought were people talking outside my bedroom door or windows. I have a bright outlook and know this is what I need to do, but something inside keeps telling me to go get a drink because this will never last anyways. You know what booze? You are right, if i get a drink this will never last and that is exactly what you want. I'm throwing in the towel, you win. I put up a hell of a fight, but you beat me up pretty bad and I'm walking away from the ring. You can keep the bars and that one park, but the kitchen table, the deck out back and all the restaurants are mine. Hopefully we stay out of ring, because I don't have very much fight left in me and I'd be afraid our next bout would be my last. Thanks for reading my little rant.

peace
kg

doggonecarl

Hey kg, just wanted to welcome you. Sober Recovery has been key in my staying sober for almost 2 years. And that's after 35 years of drinking.

IndaMiricale

Awesome to the choice of living.. And congrats on day 2..

I am a alcoholic also , and today can say I am a proud member of AA and a recovering alcoholic. Each and everyday.

I dont have a long time like many but I have been around now for 14 months. With a couple stumbles along the way. But each and everyday without drinking has not only gotten better but much easier..

And my sponsor has a great line for sobriety.. He always say the person with the longest sobriety in the room is ... Who got up the earliest today

You can be free

TTBABP

My heart goes out to you and my best wishes are with you.

Mark75

You are in the right place, keep posting!

2granddaughters

Hello Kyleg:

Bob here.. just over the river on the Canadian side.

I found that I could get sober and stay sober in the fellowship of AA. I wish you the best.

Bob R

bbthumper

Getting sober is tough. Glad to hear you have made the choice to do something about the drinking. I found that when I put down booze 4 years ago, I was putting down the only solution I had ever known. Through the program of AA I was given a new solution. A clear cut path to sobriety and so much more. I wish you the best. You should find some help here.

NewHouse2012

Wishing you much support in this journey. It's hard but gets better. Thoughts out to you.

heath480

Welcome to SR kyleg,glad you are here.

kyleg

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm drinking lots of water and just hanging out at home playing with my dog. Trying not to leave home too much, I went to mail a letter and buy some food. Just taking it easy. I don't really want to walk by the bars and liquor stores right now. Thanks again folks.

peace
kg

Happier

That's the great thing about dogs. Unconditional love and acceptance. Sure miss my rat terrier that we had for almost 18 years!
Contratulations on your decision. It is the right one. You'll find lots of great folks here that understand. Keep reading and posting. If (...I really should say when) things get tough, please commit to coming here first or better yet, find some local face-to-face people that can provide support right where you are. You do not have to do this alone!

Mizzuno

Welcome! There is a lot of good support here. Are you looking into AA or AVRT or smart recovery?there is a ton of good info all over thud forum.

Saliena

Welcome to SR you are in the right place that is for sure!!

nikkoo

hello buddy, welcome to the forum

Dee74

welcome to SR Kyle - from your story, it sounds like a great decision you're making

D

CloudStrife

Hey Kyleg welcome.
It sounds like you have had some pretty scary experiences while drinking.
I'm 29 and for me every year I continue drinking things seem to get more and more dangerous.
I could list the dangerous things that have happened and if your really interested you can PM me and I can tell you about them but it just keeps getting worse and worse.
This site has helped me so much to understand that alcoholism is a progressive disease and will only get worse over time.
Hang in there man and keep reading. You can do it!

Hevyn

Welcome to the family kg. You're right where you need to be. You're among friends who truly understand, no matter what our age or how long we drank - we all get what you're going through.

I admire you - at 31 - for seeing what you have to do. I wish I'd quit then. Instead, I went on for over 20 more years - & you can imagine the path of destruction I left behind when I finally sobered up. Thankfully, you are stopping before anything else terrible can happen. You'll never regret it, kg. Keep talking to us.

kyleg

Thanks again for all the continued support. Still haven't had a drink today...working on this evening now. I just keep trying to stay occupied with housework and chores now, seems the less time I have to think the better off I am. Figure I'll just do stuff around the house until I'm exhausted, this place needs a good cleaning anyways. I ate a lot of lentils, hummus and tabouli, drank lots of water and a few coca-colas. Trying to keep it light, healthy and easy to digest. Took a multi vitamin with a good amount of thiamine in it and some omega 3 with flax oil. I've had them for about six months and never even opened them.

Does anyone have experience with the Phellowship on Phish lot? Or has anyone attended music festivals and stayed sober? I know it's possible, I've seen it done. Those are both rather large parts of my life that I don't think I can let go, but also very supportive and positive groups/atmospheres where nobody cares if you party or not, but there is booze everywhere...

Again, thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. I'll talk to you guys soon.

peace
Kyleg

jennjaco22

Hang in!! Im on day ten, everyday doesnt get better. It is up and down, but the down is still better than regretfully hungover.

artsoul

Welcome, kyleg -

Congratulations on making the decision to get sober! Just be careful with detoxing and don't hesitate to get medical help if you need it.

I think you're smart to keep things simple and not go out too much at first. Keep reading and posting - it really helps!