SoBroken

The daughter of my “working on making him” my XAB called me two days ago. She is putting the pieces together of her Dad’s recent medical scares, and told me she didn’t realize how bad his drinking had gotten….and that her and her sister are sooo thankful that he has me to take care of him. DEAD SILENCE on my end of the line. I have been telling people he and I are giving each other some space, that we have realized we have some different opinions on some pretty major issues, but that we are still friends (get together for lunch once in awhile, or take a walk, that sort of thing) I was led to believe that he had been telling his family/friends the same – clearly his daughters are under the impression we are still in a serious relationship. Safe to assume he is hiding his drinking from them? His girls are grown adults and do not live at home with him. How do I make it clear to his family that I am NOT responsible for “taking care of” their dad, without sounding cold? I did tell her “your dad has some tuff decisions to make and no matter what any of us want, it is up to him alone what path he will choose.” Should I have suggested Al Anon to her? Or best to continue focusing on myself and let them seek help if they choose. Damn my codie tendencies….now im fighting the urge to help his girls too…. I feel like I have taken a huge backward step this week. Ugh Thanks for reading…

AlcoholicLove

XAB=not your problem anymore.
His daughters are adults-tell them you are not with their father any more.
Focus on yourself.

Sounds harsh, I know-but hey, I'm tired of us worrying about the alcoholics.
(Can you tell I'm going into my 6th week of NC? lol)

NYCDoglvr

Yes, this is absolutely the best course of action. In fact you are no longer a couple and what he tells his family and others is his problem, not yours. I'm not trying to be hard but it's easy to get sucked back in to the downward spiral of alcoholism.

Cyranoak

Truth. Truth. Truth.

dollydo

Tell them the truth, there is nothing to play lets pretend about, his children are not 10 year olds...they can handle it.