Looking after yourself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 109
Looking after yourself
Hi guys
Sorry to ask for advice again. But I was just wondering if anyone else has the same issue. I don't really know how to look after myself?!
I've been a functioning alcoholic for a while, and I can do what I need to do, to keep a roof over my head, my marriage (just about!) together.
Since I've stopped drinking, I don't really eat. I kind of get hungry, but I don't really want to eat. I bought some nice bath stuff with some money I saved from not drinking, but I've just been having quick showers and not using it. People say be kind to yourself, but I don't really know what they mean? Nothing really interests me, and I just feel like I don't want or deserve anything. I used to watch TV and play video games and socialise with my friends, but I don't really want to do that anymore. I think I've lost interest in everything.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Sorry to ask for advice again. But I was just wondering if anyone else has the same issue. I don't really know how to look after myself?!
I've been a functioning alcoholic for a while, and I can do what I need to do, to keep a roof over my head, my marriage (just about!) together.
Since I've stopped drinking, I don't really eat. I kind of get hungry, but I don't really want to eat. I bought some nice bath stuff with some money I saved from not drinking, but I've just been having quick showers and not using it. People say be kind to yourself, but I don't really know what they mean? Nothing really interests me, and I just feel like I don't want or deserve anything. I used to watch TV and play video games and socialise with my friends, but I don't really want to do that anymore. I think I've lost interest in everything.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
alcohol dependency isn't fun, it's a delusional world...you can learn how to re-parent yourself and learn how to live without that alcohol, one day after the next. create a routine and stick with it!
you can stay stopped, too!
you can stay stopped, too!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
I know how it feels. Similar things happened to me. I had to discover my likes and dislikes again. One person on here told me babysteps. In the beginning I just spend each day observing sitting here in front of the computer. My main goal was not to drink. After a while I started to explore the new me. I pent a lot of time just asking myself: what do I like to do. Most ofthe times I could not decide what I like to do. I spend hours just thinking and waiting for me to make a decision. Now after 1.5 years not drinking my day is so full with things that I actually ask myself how I had time to drink in the first place. I started hiking, going out with friends for coffee, repairing things around the house, reading up on things, etc. I started to play tennis, walk around the neighbourhood and just explore life at is. It gradually gets better every day. Just take it one day after the enxt and just explore what you like. Start ne, one step at a time...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 109
I think creating a routine is a good idea but at the moment I can't think of anything to put in my routine!
It's crazy to think that I managed to get to the age I am without really knowing what I like doing (apart from drinking obvs). I like walking, so I might try and do some more of that, but because I haven't really been eating I don't have the energy.
I know I can't help being an alcoholic and I've been told by many people that it's an illness. But for some reason I just don't feel like I deserve nice things in my life. I've done some terrible stuff, I've been really selfish, I've been a bad friend/daughter/wife/colleague. And now I'm sober I feel like I'm finding the whole 'rewarding' myself or doing nice things really hard. My life feels really empty at the moment. I'm 7 days sober and I am grateful for that. I'm also grateful that I'm alive with only temporary damage to my health. But I just can't imagine a situation where I'm happy and enjoying my life and allowing myself to be happy. I don't think I deserve it.
I will try new things and I will try and keep to a schedule, I guess I'm just feeling a bit ashamed and guilty and depressed, when I should be feeling happy and grateful.
Sorry for the depressing post!
It's crazy to think that I managed to get to the age I am without really knowing what I like doing (apart from drinking obvs). I like walking, so I might try and do some more of that, but because I haven't really been eating I don't have the energy.
I know I can't help being an alcoholic and I've been told by many people that it's an illness. But for some reason I just don't feel like I deserve nice things in my life. I've done some terrible stuff, I've been really selfish, I've been a bad friend/daughter/wife/colleague. And now I'm sober I feel like I'm finding the whole 'rewarding' myself or doing nice things really hard. My life feels really empty at the moment. I'm 7 days sober and I am grateful for that. I'm also grateful that I'm alive with only temporary damage to my health. But I just can't imagine a situation where I'm happy and enjoying my life and allowing myself to be happy. I don't think I deserve it.
I will try new things and I will try and keep to a schedule, I guess I'm just feeling a bit ashamed and guilty and depressed, when I should be feeling happy and grateful.
Sorry for the depressing post!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hi Ruby
I'm not good at looking after myself, rewarding myself or generally relaxing without a drink.
I have 200 days today.
At first I could only keep busy.
I set myself tasks and goals everyday. I often wrote them down the night before or early in the day.
I might write down things like
1. Fill one bin bag everyday with stuff to go to the charity shop.
2. Everyday go through one room and stock pile stuuf to sell at a carboot sale.
3. Start to exercise again - everyday aim to walk for half an hour at a fast pace despite the weather.
4. Everyday, do a job in the garden.
5. Find an intersting book that I will become engrossed in so much that I will look forward to reading it in bed sober rather than drinking and being unable to focus.
At first it was hard, but as I collected more days it became second nature to be busy and occupied.
I think if I had sat around a lot doing nothing then I would have resorted to drinking. The obsession does become less the more time you pull together.
I can't say that every goal on my list is/was/will be of outstanding excitement or interest but completing it gave me a sense of satisfaction for sure.
I elminated some of the chaos from my drinking and my surroundings are nicer.
I would not worry about the eating thing too much. As long as your drinking water then that's healthy.
Maybe doing some physical stuff might help build an appetite.
If your still struggling to eat then maybe try drinking some clear soups and broths and also make sure you take a vitmain tablet and drink fresh fruit and vegetable juice.
Hope it works out
I'm not good at looking after myself, rewarding myself or generally relaxing without a drink.
I have 200 days today.
At first I could only keep busy.
I set myself tasks and goals everyday. I often wrote them down the night before or early in the day.
I might write down things like
1. Fill one bin bag everyday with stuff to go to the charity shop.
2. Everyday go through one room and stock pile stuuf to sell at a carboot sale.
3. Start to exercise again - everyday aim to walk for half an hour at a fast pace despite the weather.
4. Everyday, do a job in the garden.
5. Find an intersting book that I will become engrossed in so much that I will look forward to reading it in bed sober rather than drinking and being unable to focus.
At first it was hard, but as I collected more days it became second nature to be busy and occupied.
I think if I had sat around a lot doing nothing then I would have resorted to drinking. The obsession does become less the more time you pull together.
I can't say that every goal on my list is/was/will be of outstanding excitement or interest but completing it gave me a sense of satisfaction for sure.
I elminated some of the chaos from my drinking and my surroundings are nicer.
I would not worry about the eating thing too much. As long as your drinking water then that's healthy.
Maybe doing some physical stuff might help build an appetite.
If your still struggling to eat then maybe try drinking some clear soups and broths and also make sure you take a vitmain tablet and drink fresh fruit and vegetable juice.
Hope it works out
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Start small, such as wake up, eat, bubble bath, walk, lunch, read, tv, small dinner, tv, bed. Don't drink.
Start a journal. Make lists:
likes
dislikes
to do list
Add:
fun things
future things
places to go
Whatever your brain suggests, other than drinking...
I had to re-learn life, too!
You take baby steps, then add to them...
You didn't get here over night!
Hugs,
Start a journal. Make lists:
likes
dislikes
to do list
Add:
fun things
future things
places to go
Whatever your brain suggests, other than drinking...
I had to re-learn life, too!
You take baby steps, then add to them...
You didn't get here over night!
Hugs,
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I can relate. Many of the things i used to like while drinking now have no interest to me. I agree with all the other suggestions and have done similar things. In addition, I once made a list of the things of which I am most proud. I mean everything. Go way back to your first memories then run it up to your most recent days. Just brainstorm and jot them down. Then maybe think about roughly prioritizing them.
The simple act of developing the list is valuable. But I found that when I studied it a little, it became pretty apparent about where I may most like to spend my time. Sort of defines what is important to you.
Give it a try. If nothing else, it at least reminds you of some good memories and accomplishments. : )
(P.S. Things do get better. Give yourself a little time.)
The simple act of developing the list is valuable. But I found that when I studied it a little, it became pretty apparent about where I may most like to spend my time. Sort of defines what is important to you.
Give it a try. If nothing else, it at least reminds you of some good memories and accomplishments. : )
(P.S. Things do get better. Give yourself a little time.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 109
Thanks everyone! Those suggestions are really helpful. I think I've been beating myself up too much and expecting everything to get better day by day.
I really like the lists idea. I'm going to write a timetable so I know I have tasks to do every day. And also starting a list of things I'm proud of will help with the guilt I think. My main problem with recovery so far has been concentrating on all the bad stuff and not the good.
The lists of things I like and don't like is really good too. So when I'm bored I'll have something to look at and have options.
You have have been great and really supportive. I'm pleased I have 1 week sober under my belt. And feeling much more positive that I'll get through today (day 8) sober too.
Thanks everyone!
I really like the lists idea. I'm going to write a timetable so I know I have tasks to do every day. And also starting a list of things I'm proud of will help with the guilt I think. My main problem with recovery so far has been concentrating on all the bad stuff and not the good.
The lists of things I like and don't like is really good too. So when I'm bored I'll have something to look at and have options.
You have have been great and really supportive. I'm pleased I have 1 week sober under my belt. And feeling much more positive that I'll get through today (day 8) sober too.
Thanks everyone!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi
I know where you're coming from too. Early days for me too, I think I will write a list too,
What about adding some girlie things to your list, even if you do these once a week, like having your own pamper night, put a face mask on, paint your toe nails, do your finger nails, pluck your eyebrows, give your hair a deep conditioning treatment, a new colour even.
I suppose it's just building up a whole new routine. I bet before long you'll be wondering how you can fit it all in.
You're doing well, big hugs
GXX
I know where you're coming from too. Early days for me too, I think I will write a list too,
What about adding some girlie things to your list, even if you do these once a week, like having your own pamper night, put a face mask on, paint your toe nails, do your finger nails, pluck your eyebrows, give your hair a deep conditioning treatment, a new colour even.
I suppose it's just building up a whole new routine. I bet before long you'll be wondering how you can fit it all in.
You're doing well, big hugs
GXX
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Awesome on the week 
And its it only a week after it took a lot longer to get here than that. Things dont happen super quick, as this alcoholic would want .. Had to learn that its not that instant gratification that drinking so called did..
One day at a time. All the others gave you great things to do, try them..
And its it only a week after it took a lot longer to get here than that. Things dont happen super quick, as this alcoholic would want .. Had to learn that its not that instant gratification that drinking so called did..
One day at a time. All the others gave you great things to do, try them..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
As much as I did not "want" to, I would go for a brisk walk/jog for at least 10 minutes every day. 30 minutes seem to help me the most.
I cannot stress enough how much of a anti depressant effect exercise can have. Just do it!
Also what you describe sounds like clinical Depression, it would be good to see a therapist who specialized in depression. This is based on my own experience, perhaps it will help you as well.
I cannot stress enough how much of a anti depressant effect exercise can have. Just do it!
Also what you describe sounds like clinical Depression, it would be good to see a therapist who specialized in depression. This is based on my own experience, perhaps it will help you as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 289
I'm definitely in the same boat. Very, very new to this...I'm talking only 2 days. Can't even name a sobriety date yet, because I did have 2 glasses of wine each night. But that's big for me. Sorry I can't give advice at this point, but thank you for posting this, all of the responses has helped me too. For these 2 loooong days, I found myself pacing, not knowing what to do. I used to be able to carry on a conversation with the best of them, & have found myself very quiet lately. It's very consuming to me right now.
Hang in there & much luck to you!
Hang in there & much luck to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Your comment about feeling you don't deserve good things in your life is very sad. I felt exactly like you do for all of my life, and it ultimately led to my downfall of alcohol. In order to heal, I had to believe that, yes, indeed, I did deserve a good life. We all do. And, in recovery, we can create that life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spanaway,wa
Posts: 111
Use your nice bath products and treat yourself. If anything, You deserve it for being one week sober and on to your second. "treating" yourself will make you feel better and more confident. For me, it helps me realize how much better I feel being sober. Rather than the quick shower half on the bag, pony tail and sweats.
You do deserve it!!! Congrats on 1 week!
You do deserve it!!! Congrats on 1 week!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
If you're trying to find out what interests you, try the Pinterest website. It can give you tons of ideas and it's also great for filling time where you don't know what to do with yourself.
You do deserve to have good things in your life! Part of the fun of being sober is the time to discover what they are and make them happen. Get a kitten, watch a movie, lie in the grass and look at clouds, listen to music you used to love, eat an ice cream cone, the possibilities are endless. Think about things you liked when you were young, you probably still like them.
You do deserve to have good things in your life! Part of the fun of being sober is the time to discover what they are and make them happen. Get a kitten, watch a movie, lie in the grass and look at clouds, listen to music you used to love, eat an ice cream cone, the possibilities are endless. Think about things you liked when you were young, you probably still like them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: London
Posts: 109
Wow, thank so much everyone for all of these great ideas.
Anna, I'm glad you mentioned the 'not deserving' stuff. I know thats part I why I drank too. I'm just trying to learn to be ok with myself.
I think tomorrow I will write out all my lists, and then on friday have a 'me' day, going for a nice walk listening to music, bubble bath, reading and just relaxing. I hope that even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I will experience it, and in time hopefully feel like I deserve to feel good.
I'm going to start writing a journal tonight.
This board has been so great, thanks everyone for all your help. Also checking out pinterest now, I've not heard of it before. It sounds great!
Thanks everyone!
Anna, I'm glad you mentioned the 'not deserving' stuff. I know thats part I why I drank too. I'm just trying to learn to be ok with myself.
I think tomorrow I will write out all my lists, and then on friday have a 'me' day, going for a nice walk listening to music, bubble bath, reading and just relaxing. I hope that even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I will experience it, and in time hopefully feel like I deserve to feel good.
I'm going to start writing a journal tonight.
This board has been so great, thanks everyone for all your help. Also checking out pinterest now, I've not heard of it before. It sounds great!
Thanks everyone!
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