Pigtails

I often hear my friends and family members say "I NEED A DRINK" when they've had a hard day. They say things along the lines of "this was so stressful, I need a beer," or "I really needed this margarita after such an emotional event."

I've read that drinking to cope with stress or emotions can be a sign of a problem. But it seems to me that everyone (who drinks) does it. Does it mean everyone has a problem???

I'm not sure why this question is important to me-- I'm realizing it feels better to deal with my stress and emotions in more constructive ways than drinking (taking a bubble bath, reading a good book, watching a funny or engaging movie, exercising etc.). I guess I just can't wrap my head around the concept of "normal" drinkers. Maybe I don't know any (everyone I know who drinks has a problem??) or maybe it is "normal" to have a drink or two for stress and then stop, but it becomes a problem when someone drinks too much or too often to deal with stress?

I just look around and start to realize that my concept of "normal drinking" may be off because maybe everyone I know who drinks drinks problematically. So sometimes (not at this moment -- right now I am fine but it sneaks up on me) it is hard for me to realize/remember what my issues are with drinking when they seem "normal" to me.

Live2Run25

It often goes through my head as well. What is "normal"???
All of my friends "NEED A DRINK!" several times a week. Is anyone a NORMAL drinker? I'm anxious to hear what others have to say on this, as I think about this a lot as well.

Weasel1966

Good post....

I always said to myself "everyone drinks" .... Easy to say sitting in a bar.

It's when I left it daily that I realized... Hmmmm... I have a problem.

Grace2

I wonder that too, the people I work with for instance. End of day comes and it's 'I need a drink after the day I've had'.

Look forward to the responses.

Gx

Pigtails

I don't know. I think the point of alcohol is to give someone a buzz and/or take them out of their head/present mental state. I guess it's "normal" in that since ancient times people have found a way to alter their consciousness. But is it the best way to live or cope, and when does it turn into a problem? I really don't know.

Some people have explained it to me as, a normal drinker stops when they feel the effects of alcohol-- they have a couple drinks and feel that relaxed or pleasurable feeling and they say okay I've had enough. But we alcoholics START when we feel those effects-- we say, I want more more more. This makes sense to me as a way to differentiate "normal" drinking from "problem" drinking. (But then I start to wonder, what about all those college/frat kids who get drunk on a regular basis-- that seems to be an acceptable part of our society and seems to say that drinking to excess is "normal" sometimes.) I think I went through a lot of denial by saying "well this is normal or okay" because I would see other people do it (or see what I wanted to see or assume). So on the one hand I try not to compare myself to anyone else and just realize that my drinking had become a problem for ME and that's all that matters. On the other hand, when I'm having a weak moment and my brain is looking for excuses, I want to arm it with ammunition to counter the-- "I was a normal drinker" thoughts--- "NO, I was not, because that is not normal," but I don't really know what normal is.

Someguy23

Alcohol is the socially accepted depressant drug. Alcoholics are those who are addicted to it, normal drinkers are those who use it but aren't addicted. It is ridiculous to think that normal drinkers don't realize that they are using a mood-altering substance or that they don't seek its effects.

Of course normal drinkers drink for relaxation. They also drink to self-medicate and to bolster confidence, why do you suppose "grief drinking" and "liquid courage" are such entrenched stereotypes.

IMO, the sign of addiction isn't why you use a drug but how big a priority that drug is for you. Normal drinkers may like their alcohol, but if it started causing problems in their life, they would quickly cut back or quit. Addicted drinkers... yeah, not so much.

MrsKing

I look at it like this:

There are lots of things that people use as 'comforts' or a reward for getting through something. Like you use your bubble bath... it's just that you're not addicted to it. You don't sit in the bubble bath all day and find it immensely difficult to get yourself out of it. It's the same with all sorts of things - chocolate, exercise, whatever anyone chooses to use to de-stress. Overdoing anything every day and continuing to do it despite it having a devastating effect on your life is a problem - it's just that alcohol has serious health concerns along with it and it's pretty obvious when someone drinks too much!

Pigtails

Yeah this is what I think is so dangerous about alcohol. It sneaks up on you... there you are having a happy hour cocktail with everyone else and it is absolutely fine... but then you realize you are always the who is there, and then you are the one staying longer than everyone else, wanting to keep drinking, and then you are sneaking drinks... I guess that is definitely NOT normal!!

Pigtails

Sometimes I do. Ha ha, in all seriousness, I get what you mean. And I know there are people who are addicted to exercise, and food etc., so it's not just alcohol. Those does put it in perspective, thanks. However then I wonder, well people are addicted to food can just cut back and eat in moderation (I mean they have to, or they'd starve to death). People who are addicted to exercise can do the same. But for alcoholics we are told the only "cure" is not drink EVER and that it is an actual disease (although I know some eating disorders are also classified as diseases... but people who are addicted to watching TV, or playing games online, etc., it seems to be more of an underlying depression issue or something and eventually if they get help they can still occasionally watch TV or eat chocolate or whatever, just not in excess, so to me that's where it's different.)

Needsassistance

To me there is normal drinking, or as I would say knowing when to stop, when to not drink, etc. then there is me, not normal. Drinking alone, drinking to blackout, progressively getting worse and worse but I kept going.
I tried to fool myself for a while that I Was normal. I didn't drink every day(I'm a binge drunk), I could cut back, could keep limits, etc. thirty eight or sp days ago my mind changed. I finally gave up fighting it, I'm not a normal drinker.
I can't drink , period.

choublak

I think a lot of "normal" drinkers talk/joke about drinking more than they actually drink. With alcoholics it's the opposite.

NoFireWater

Normal drinkers might say they need a drink after a hard day, but might not follow through and get the drink. Normal drinkers probably don't even say they need a drink-I think it's more for happy and special occasions for most of them that I know. Normal drinkers don't like feeling drunk, that's why they stop at one or two with no problem. They're not addicted so it's a completely different experience for them.

Ken is right, when you leave the bar you realize exactly how abnormal a drinking lifestyle is. When you're comparing yourself to sober people you realize you do have a problem that they're not experiencing.

MrsKing

Ahhh... very good point!

I think it's because the risks with alcohol are too high. I mean, when it comes to an addiction to playing games online, someone will get therapy for it and they'll teach them techniques to moderate, but if they don't stick to those and never manage to moderate... the dangers are nowhere near those posed by excessive use of alcohol. With drugs it's the same - you have to abstain, and I guess that is because of the dangers, too.

Lost3000

My husband is a normal drinker. Sometimes he'll say, a beer would be great after that hard day! But then he won't have a beer. Or he'll pour a beer and drink a few sips, and leave it. That's "normal". Me? I'll pour a beer, maybe even sip it. And then it's on. I'll have another, another, then some vodka, then tons more vodka, then I'm out. How about you?

I guess I'd say, who cares about others and whether they are normal? How does that pertain to you and your relationship with booze?

My honest opinion is that you are trying to find the loophole out.

Mark75

When I needed a drink, it wasn't just "a" drink... just sayin'

Pigtails

This could be true. Maybe I could be thinking "I drink the same as everyone else, so it's okay [even if it's not 'normal.'"] I mean I'm not consciously thinking that but who knows. I have to remember to stay focused on myself and not other people. I am very observant and over-analytical so that is so hard for me to do, but I'm trying.

Someguy23

One thing is that alcohol, like cocaine and heroine but unlike exercise or video games, disrupts the brain's chemistry. That is, in fact, what addiction is. Interestingly enough, there is evidence that heavily processed junk food might disrupt normal brain chemistry.

A better comparison than video games would be gambling, and it is well known that it can be a serious addiction for some. I believe compulsive gamblers are encouraged to avoid it entirely.

As for eating disorders, I suffered from one (compulsive overeating) when I was very young. My weight has been healthy and more or less stable for twelve years now (althought the beer wasn't helping) and even now there are certain foods I simply don't keep in the house.

I can buy myself a small bag of chips as an occasional treat, but experience has taught me time and time again that if I buy a big bag of chips, I won't have snacks for a week... I'll have an indigestion that afternoon.

TTBABP

Not everyone has a problem but unfortunately it seems everyone drinks and for alcoholics it is impossible to escape the visuals. You cannot watch a television show or movie where the minute someone gets home from work they don't go to the bar in the den or family room and pour themselves a drink or do work at home at night with a glass of wine or meet up at the local bar after work as a group.

Its everywhere and it makes me feel strange that I cannot drink normally and it makes it hard to not try to drink normally.

Dee74

I think when others say I need a drink they mean 'I'd really like one'.

I remember way back, friends of mine would drink maybe one, two be satisfied and then leave and go home to their families or whatever.

I meant I NEEDED a drink and not just one...I needed to embrace oblivion.....

Later on, I began to outdrink my normal friends and I gravitated to more heavy drinkers...that blurred the lines a lot, and made me feel better about myself.

Looking back it's amazing to me how much I looked to other people for validation because I had such low self esteem. I needed so much to fit in.

To anyone thinking they might be the same I really recommend you stop worrying about what other people do...run your own race - be yourself and you'll find you attract people who like you, for you, as you

D

choublak

But if you think about it, how much stuff on television is "real" anyway.