rrm

I have started to date this younger girl. We are over now but only because I stared to point out things and she went back to her older way. At first she seemed ok and serious but all was a lie. With time I realized she has a weed problem including the need just to get by, and multiple use of other drugs but no money at this time for them, but has a past of doing hard ones too and seem very happy about it. One of the roommates the female is hooking and has a low end job but found people that is able to provide stuff. The other sole job is escorting but he also has HIV. They both are enabling her on this downward spiral and encourages promiscuous activity. I am debating to tell her parents since they have no clue and think she is in school and does well with her life but is the total opposite. She is in a group that support this whole thing and I think her dating me was a way to get out of it but just could not. Should I tell them, since flat out she lies to them even in front of me and I have proof of what happens. Sadly she tells me she needs time to be friends etc, but my view is she wants a safety net. Please let me know!

suki44883

As Ann Landers would say MYOB.

Mind your own business.

rrm

I thought this is about providing help not kicking people to the curve... sorry...

candi7

I don't know about you, but when I did my thing, my parents wouldn't have been able to stop me. She has to save herself.. you could tell.. but really how far will that go... that's your choice.. if your heart tells you to-then do it.

rrm

it could be that will not help, but her mom seems to call her all the time, that tells me she feels something is up, but as much I do not want to get anymore involved i feel is my duty of a human being to tell her parents since her arrival to LA LA land for school nothing was done, quit school, same low paying job, and just bs, and parents dont know anything. Even if she does not talk to me ever i am ok, but at least i tried to help a fellow human being

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. I suggest you pop over to the friend and family section:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You will find you have zero control over what this person does. And if you make it you business to save her, you are only setting yourself up for heartache.

Good luck.

Dee74

welcome rrm
I moved your thread here for more response.

I'm not trying to kick you to the kerb either, but I wonder why, if you two are no longer together, why you're involving yourself so much?

I don't think anyone will thank you for it, especially if your ex didn't like it when you 'pointed things out' before.

I'm not sure what telling her parents would achieve.
She sounds like she's of legal age to me.

Sometimes we need to make our own mistakes to get smart about things..and we need to let others make their own mistakes too.

I don;t know if you're familiar with AlAnon or NarAnon but there's something called the principle of the three C's with regards to anothers addiction:

you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.

I suggest you move on with your life - be happy

D

Anna

I would not involve myself in the issue, if I was you. This is someone that you dated briefly, and you have no obligation to talk to her parents about her problem.

tomsteve

welp,IMO, iffen ya were there to be a "safety net" you would be enabling,too.

i am not powerful enough to fix someone who doesnt want fixing. i also wouldnt accept help to get clean and sober from someone who had never walked in my shoes.i found out by experience that by forcing myself on someone who didnt want help drove them further away from help.

stay with her, keep her in yer life and love her to death
or
leave her alone, pray she gets to the point of desperation, gets the help, then love her to life.

as far as telling her parents, i would pray on it and listen for a reply. honestly checking my motives would be part of it.
why i want to help is a good question for me to ask myself.

soberbrooke

I agree with checking my motives. Do you want to tell her parents for revenge or for love? If it is all about love, then tell them. If it is about revenge, then walk away. Have your motives set really well before doing anything. Karma is a bitch, and it happens! If you are telling them out of revenge, then somebody will tell your parents something about you that you didn't want them to hear.

suki44883

I still say it isn't your business. That is not kicking anyone to the curb, it's just reality. Her parents can't control her any more than you can. If she is a legal adult, then she is free to live her life however she wants. If your relationship with her is over, then move on. This isn't your affair.

rrm

i will just stay on the side lines, in case she needs help and advice, nothing more... I am strong and can do it, besides talking to her recently I realized it was just a fantasy fling and nothing more.