emptyshell

So it has been a few days since my AH went to the Dr. to get back on suboxone. (And, yes, he did pay me back for the Dr appt& meds.) The first night he was acting weird (to say the least). Since then he has been acting pretty "normal" & been taking the subs. He has been answering all of my questions about what he was abusing, with who, his plans for recovery, etc etc. He hasnt had any angry rage episodes & has been being nice to me. I have expressed my feelings and need for validation & acknowledgement of those feelings & we have been talking to each other like "normal" married couples do, there hasnt been any fights etc. So all in all I am glad that things have returned to a half decent state. I still have nervousness& trust issues, but I guess that is expected & will fade when those issues are worked on by both of us. The court papers for the DUI charge came in the mail, so it now feels like reality is setting in. My AH has been talking more about going on the Narcan instead of the subs as the Dr suggested and I have just been trying to be supportive of recovery, while still trying to do little things for myself to stay mentally healthy. I was offered a FT job & should be starting that in about 3 wks (gotta do all the paperwork, checks & tests 1st), I am excited to start working FT again, however I am a little nervous bc we will be working opposite shifts again & I am nervous about what he will be doing while I am away. Its a trust issue, I am trying to ignore that feeling bc I know that whether I am home or not will notstop him from doing what he wants to do, I have no control over his addiction or him, so I need to do for me & let him do whats right for him. As I said I am just glad that so far things have been decent& hopeful that things will stay this way or get better. I am trying to stay positive for myself and for his recovery. Only time will tell what the future holds for our marriage.

candi7

His recovery is up to him and unfortunately he's gotta put that first in his life. I think it would have been best for me to have had as much space as needed at least in the first 90...(I wish I had in house rehab) Recovery is hard for us Alcoholics.. Don't invest much into the fact that you a good day today or that you communicate... you guys are going to have a lot of ups and downs-has nothing to do with you personally, everything to do with what he will be dealing with, that he once avoided when he was drinking.. Your relationship must come secondary to his recovery and expectations need to go out the door-he's gotta do this for himself. If he fails-it's his own fault-nothing to do with how wonderful you are (I'm sure you are-our types don't deserve people like you) If you can get to as many AL ANON meetings as possible... Deal with any mental health issues you may have-get counseling as well.. Work on you-cause in the end that's all that matters..(THIS WILL INSPIRE HIM) The healthier you are, the better equipped you will be.. Let him be responsible for his sobriety and you try your best to take care of yourself-find some friends in AL ANON-go out with them, socialize-find a hobby.. do things to make yourself happy.. What are your personal goals-weight loss, exercise?? Do it then with all your heart! Then when you have the tough spots-it's no big deal. And worse case scenario- you can walk away with your dignity and know that you will be fine! Or in the best scenario-you both will be a very healthy couple-he a recovering alcoholic and you a non-codependent independent healthy woman-functioning in a very healthy relationship-both able to help another couple out of the same mess you both were once in... blessings on your journey!

EnglishGarden

Beautiful advice, candi7.

Wishing you peace of mind and letting God take over, emptyshell.

Ann

It sounds to me like you are moving forward nicely and taking good care of yourself. It in not unreasonable to have concerns, just don't let them gnaw at your soul. Embrace each good day and let life unfold.

Hugs