Lonliness - I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Lonliness - I need help
I just posted this in response to another poster. I just realized that I need more help..,so I started this thread: The post:
Loniless is a bitch. I learned that alcohol made it worse (can't go anywhere drunk), but since I have been sober over ayear, I am still lonely, of my own making. My problem is despression, and since I have had little social interaction I feel like I don't even know how to talk to people (except you guys). Maybe depression is the problem? You may want to check that out. Best wishes and take care. P.S. I can't even make myself go to AA - I am afraid I will say the wrong thing.
I am on depression meds, but I am afraid to try another - the last time I tried that it made me suicidal and was in the hospital with a 10% chance to live....and I can't remember the name of the med! I do fine at work....but have absolutely no social life.....I have some work friends that have asked me to do things with them, but I bow out. I want to be alone, home with my dogs and cats that I love so much (two are dying). I am not keeping up with my elderly grandfather who lives far away because I don't have anything to say since I do nothing. I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly, but since I moved to Austin from Atlanta I have become a hermit. I don't even know how to get around Austin....I stay in my own little world. I don't know what to do....I have been miserable. Any suggestions? I think I may be hopeless. Thank you for reading, and for all of the invaluable help you have given me to keep me sober for over a year. You guys are my only friends.
P.S. I am 59 years old, divorced, my looks have gone - it is like I am invisible. Not to brag, but I used to be very pretty, which helped. Now I have no social outlets, and the looks are gone. So it my personality.
__________________
Loniless is a bitch. I learned that alcohol made it worse (can't go anywhere drunk), but since I have been sober over ayear, I am still lonely, of my own making. My problem is despression, and since I have had little social interaction I feel like I don't even know how to talk to people (except you guys). Maybe depression is the problem? You may want to check that out. Best wishes and take care. P.S. I can't even make myself go to AA - I am afraid I will say the wrong thing.
I am on depression meds, but I am afraid to try another - the last time I tried that it made me suicidal and was in the hospital with a 10% chance to live....and I can't remember the name of the med! I do fine at work....but have absolutely no social life.....I have some work friends that have asked me to do things with them, but I bow out. I want to be alone, home with my dogs and cats that I love so much (two are dying). I am not keeping up with my elderly grandfather who lives far away because I don't have anything to say since I do nothing. I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly, but since I moved to Austin from Atlanta I have become a hermit. I don't even know how to get around Austin....I stay in my own little world. I don't know what to do....I have been miserable. Any suggestions? I think I may be hopeless. Thank you for reading, and for all of the invaluable help you have given me to keep me sober for over a year. You guys are my only friends.
P.S. I am 59 years old, divorced, my looks have gone - it is like I am invisible. Not to brag, but I used to be very pretty, which helped. Now I have no social outlets, and the looks are gone. So it my personality.
__________________
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Sissy hi
what an awful feeling I know 
. It is ok to isolate & be alone when you are nurturing yourself & feel good, but not when you're feeling like that. I think sometimes we really need to force ourselves out of our comfort zone, it's hard & awkward but we just have to reach out sometimes to get what we need. I too isolate myself with my animals. Luckily my work forces me to be social. When I spend too much time out here alone with the pets I find even my voice startles me and I can't talk to others.
I did just look up meetup groups in the Austin area. There are 330 groups but I did not check any of them out. You may want to. You may also want to put your dog skills to work in an animal shelter or sanctuary.
You have done so well with your sobriety. Now it sounds like it is time to reach out for more. I hope you feel better soon.
what an awful feeling I know 
. It is ok to isolate & be alone when you are nurturing yourself & feel good, but not when you're feeling like that. I think sometimes we really need to force ourselves out of our comfort zone, it's hard & awkward but we just have to reach out sometimes to get what we need. I too isolate myself with my animals. Luckily my work forces me to be social. When I spend too much time out here alone with the pets I find even my voice startles me and I can't talk to others.I did just look up meetup groups in the Austin area. There are 330 groups but I did not check any of them out. You may want to. You may also want to put your dog skills to work in an animal shelter or sanctuary.
You have done so well with your sobriety. Now it sounds like it is time to reach out for more. I hope you feel better soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Hi Sissy
I feel that way for a long time. Like I've said before community work and volunteering really helped me - it got me out of the house - it got be back into interacting with people, it gave me purpose and meaning and made me feel better about myself
I'd also encourage you tho to think about seeing your Dr agian - there's a vast array of treatments for depression now - I don't believe anyone needs or deserves to live depressed.
Lastly - you're a unique person with many many gifts - I've seen it here over your time at SR. You have a lot to offer, and you deserve love peace and happiness as much as the next person
I found out I can spend my days putting myself down, or I can accept what I have and use that to the utmost.
What I'm telling myself internally makes a vast difference to the vibes I put out to others and to the people I attract
D
I feel that way for a long time. Like I've said before community work and volunteering really helped me - it got me out of the house - it got be back into interacting with people, it gave me purpose and meaning and made me feel better about myself
I'd also encourage you tho to think about seeing your Dr agian - there's a vast array of treatments for depression now - I don't believe anyone needs or deserves to live depressed.
Lastly - you're a unique person with many many gifts - I've seen it here over your time at SR. You have a lot to offer, and you deserve love peace and happiness as much as the next person
I found out I can spend my days putting myself down, or I can accept what I have and use that to the utmost.
What I'm telling myself internally makes a vast difference to the vibes I put out to others and to the people I attract
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Sissy,
Yes you need to change things and stop isolating. I am 58 and to me it is not so much about looks now, it's more about health.
I am unashamedly an AA person, the program, changed my life around. I am in a foreign country, meeting people through AA, really connecting with them as we cut through all the BS. When we ask each other how we are feeling we mean it .
I hope you take some of the suggestions offered, I know when we feel down that it is hard to get the energy to do anything but believe me you can change this around, you had the strength to stay sober a year, now it's time to get out there and find some joy in life. It' s there.
Love
CaiHong
Yes you need to change things and stop isolating. I am 58 and to me it is not so much about looks now, it's more about health.
I am unashamedly an AA person, the program, changed my life around. I am in a foreign country, meeting people through AA, really connecting with them as we cut through all the BS. When we ask each other how we are feeling we mean it .
I hope you take some of the suggestions offered, I know when we feel down that it is hard to get the energy to do anything but believe me you can change this around, you had the strength to stay sober a year, now it's time to get out there and find some joy in life. It' s there.
Love
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((sissy))). As others mentioned, try some volunteer work, community service or maybe take a class at the community college. Find something that interests you, maybe art appreciation, horticulture. What about an exercise class? Some hospitals offer free classes. Check out yr local library for special events or the the book store. Do you like to read? see about joining a book club!
What about taking a crafting class? knitting group?
it seems the more I was out there, the more I found to do. also, don't decline invitations unless it's something you would truly hate. I had some business cards printed up with my name and phone number. This way when I met someone interesting, I could give them my card. Also, ask people to meet you for a bite or coffee.
Do keep me posted on what you find out there!
Love from Lenina
What about taking a crafting class? knitting group?
it seems the more I was out there, the more I found to do. also, don't decline invitations unless it's something you would truly hate. I had some business cards printed up with my name and phone number. This way when I met someone interesting, I could give them my card. Also, ask people to meet you for a bite or coffee.
Do keep me posted on what you find out there!
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 61
Baby steps is going to be your best bet here, I think.
Just like you have to force yourself to stop drinking, you are going to need to force yourself out. There really isn't any other way to do it.
I know I don't like going out, usually. And a lot of the time I don't particularly enjoy it while I'm doing it, but after it's over it always seems like I am happy I did it.
Make a pledge to do something new each week. During the week, try a new restaurant and on the weekend, attend something that's happening. There is always something going on here. As the weeks go on, it will feel more and more natural and you'll get comfortable doing it. You don't even have to go with anyone, do it alone and see what happens.
I've lived in quite a few places and Austin is by far the most friendly and accepting.
Just like you have to force yourself to stop drinking, you are going to need to force yourself out. There really isn't any other way to do it.
I know I don't like going out, usually. And a lot of the time I don't particularly enjoy it while I'm doing it, but after it's over it always seems like I am happy I did it.
Make a pledge to do something new each week. During the week, try a new restaurant and on the weekend, attend something that's happening. There is always something going on here. As the weeks go on, it will feel more and more natural and you'll get comfortable doing it. You don't even have to go with anyone, do it alone and see what happens.
I've lived in quite a few places and Austin is by far the most friendly and accepting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Sissy, you have gotten lots of good advice here.
I think talking to your dr about possible depression would be a good idea.
And, volunteer work saved my soul when I was in early recovery. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and it helped me so much.
I think talking to your dr about possible depression would be a good idea.
And, volunteer work saved my soul when I was in early recovery. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and it helped me so much.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
getting sober is uncomfortable. going to aa is uncomfortable. for what it's worth, untreated alcoholism is uncomfortable.
drinking was comforting to me. I hung onto it for way too long. I had to be uncomfortable in sobriety, then I started doing things that were not comforting to me. When my butterflies acted up, instead of doing what felt comfortable, I had to do the uncomfortable.
today I am glad I did. I can face the uncomfortable because I know eventually that new habit becomes comfortable.
you don't have to talk in aa. just go and listen. take your time to feel more comfortable.
give time time. try something new for you.
Love & hugs,
drinking was comforting to me. I hung onto it for way too long. I had to be uncomfortable in sobriety, then I started doing things that were not comforting to me. When my butterflies acted up, instead of doing what felt comfortable, I had to do the uncomfortable.
today I am glad I did. I can face the uncomfortable because I know eventually that new habit becomes comfortable.
you don't have to talk in aa. just go and listen. take your time to feel more comfortable.
give time time. try something new for you.
Love & hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Sissy,
I know how you feel. It is just so easy to isolate and not interact at all. But I think you have talents and skills this world needs. I find that helping someone else seems to get my mind off my issues. I feel better when I am being useful. Perhaps it might help you as well. Also, if you want to go to AA or a SMART meeting, you don't have to say a thing. You can just listen.
I know how you feel. It is just so easy to isolate and not interact at all. But I think you have talents and skills this world needs. I find that helping someone else seems to get my mind off my issues. I feel better when I am being useful. Perhaps it might help you as well. Also, if you want to go to AA or a SMART meeting, you don't have to say a thing. You can just listen.
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