Glad I can come here to let it out
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Glad I can come here to let it out
Deja vu: Last night, awoken at 2 am by a phone call; half-asleep, confused, and anxious.
My son has been back home for a year. During that time, I've been pretty good about standing by boundaries we've set and have been working on my recovery; he's been fairly compliant with house rules, has been working, and has really not been around much.
It's actually been quite awhile since I've experienced the consequences of rising anxiety and the drama that result from getting involved with his life and choices.
I got a call around 2 am from him. By his voice, I could tell he was under the influence of something, and he was asking me to come pick him up so that he would not have to drive home. He didn't even know the address of the house but I'm familiar with the area, and, so, off I went with my dog by my side, half asleep, to search for the house and to pick him up.
My main concern was him getting into the car, driving under the influence, and then possibly wrecking and hurting others and himself.
I picked him up, and since they had his keys at the house he was in, someone later drove his car to our house.
I felt the old familiar pattern start when he had called - rising panic, dismay, and a sense of doom.
I've been thinking through how best to handle this and thought it best to discuss more, once he's sober, sometime today. I'm not sure what my husband will say; he wasn't here last night (out of town).
Since my son is underage (he'll be 21 next month), he was concerned that I would call the police (I didn't) and has been scared of going back to jail since getting out last year. He kept emphasizing how he had chosen to call to get a ride instead of getting into the car and driving.
I came here because I feel sharing, reading, and listening will be a good start to help me from choosing to slip back to where I was: I don't want to fall back to obsessing over his life and choices when I should be continuing on my path to getting better myself.
Thanks for listening.
My son has been back home for a year. During that time, I've been pretty good about standing by boundaries we've set and have been working on my recovery; he's been fairly compliant with house rules, has been working, and has really not been around much.
It's actually been quite awhile since I've experienced the consequences of rising anxiety and the drama that result from getting involved with his life and choices.
I got a call around 2 am from him. By his voice, I could tell he was under the influence of something, and he was asking me to come pick him up so that he would not have to drive home. He didn't even know the address of the house but I'm familiar with the area, and, so, off I went with my dog by my side, half asleep, to search for the house and to pick him up.
My main concern was him getting into the car, driving under the influence, and then possibly wrecking and hurting others and himself.
I picked him up, and since they had his keys at the house he was in, someone later drove his car to our house.
I felt the old familiar pattern start when he had called - rising panic, dismay, and a sense of doom.
I've been thinking through how best to handle this and thought it best to discuss more, once he's sober, sometime today. I'm not sure what my husband will say; he wasn't here last night (out of town).
Since my son is underage (he'll be 21 next month), he was concerned that I would call the police (I didn't) and has been scared of going back to jail since getting out last year. He kept emphasizing how he had chosen to call to get a ride instead of getting into the car and driving.
I came here because I feel sharing, reading, and listening will be a good start to help me from choosing to slip back to where I was: I don't want to fall back to obsessing over his life and choices when I should be continuing on my path to getting better myself.
Thanks for listening.
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I ran out of time to edit my post, so just wanted to add that he was under the influence of alcohol, is underage, and that's why he thought I'd call the police. I guess it's pretty obvious, anyway.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
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Anaya, I am sorry you had to experience those dreaded calls again, your post have always shown me such wisdom just as this one does. You are taking time to consider how to handle the situation which is a wise choice.
I probably would have picked my son up as well for the same reasons you stated. You will make the decision that is right for you and your family whatever that may be.
I probably would have picked my son up as well for the same reasons you stated. You will make the decision that is right for you and your family whatever that may be.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
Well..... progress, not perfection. At least he did not get behind the wheel... but he has relapsed, obviously. And it probably has been going on for some time.. I think I would calmly address the relapse. Is he on probation? Maybe he needs to go to treatment?
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Location: The Jungle
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I picked him up, and since they had his keys at the house he was in, someone later drove his car to our house.
I'm sorry that your son has relapsed. It's tough to deal with from a front row seat.....I did that for a very long time. It sounds as though you are remaining beautifully calm and not performing a knee jerk reaction. That's great.
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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Oh, my. You all are so kind. I was feeling kind of like...embarrassed, ashamed, etc., after posting. But, reading the responses has given me a boost. I am grateful.
crazybabie: Thank you. My son and I talked this morning and I said I thought it was a good decision to not drive (I get the feeling the group he was with made that decision for him and probably took his keys) and I added I didn't agree with his decision to drink, etc. Then at some point, he stated that he's done with drinking...um, yeah, ok (this inside my head).
amaslow: Yes, staying calm is a very good idea. It has been a couple of years plus since he's been in treatment and a little longer since he was on probation. Last year, he was in jail for a short time and after his hearing, had fines to pay but no probation.
LoveMeNot: He also has not worked a program for quite some time. During the time he did attend NA meetings, he was still a minor and court-ordered to do so. Going to meetings was not something he chose on his own.
KE: Thank you for the prayers. I'm learning to stand back, think things through, and stay calm, thanks mostly to the wisdom you and others here at SR share.
crazybabie: Thank you. My son and I talked this morning and I said I thought it was a good decision to not drive (I get the feeling the group he was with made that decision for him and probably took his keys) and I added I didn't agree with his decision to drink, etc. Then at some point, he stated that he's done with drinking...um, yeah, ok (this inside my head).
amaslow: Yes, staying calm is a very good idea. It has been a couple of years plus since he's been in treatment and a little longer since he was on probation. Last year, he was in jail for a short time and after his hearing, had fines to pay but no probation.
LoveMeNot: He also has not worked a program for quite some time. During the time he did attend NA meetings, he was still a minor and court-ordered to do so. Going to meetings was not something he chose on his own.
KE: Thank you for the prayers. I'm learning to stand back, think things through, and stay calm, thanks mostly to the wisdom you and others here at SR share.
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