Mightyqueen801

Hey, everyone, I'm not as much a regular here as most of you, but I've come here from time to time to get support and answers.

Short version--divorced from an alcoholic, lost my best friend, who had been sober for 7 years, when she decided to take up drinking again and I had to cut her out of my life--that was three years ago, don't know if she's alive or dead, lost a brother to cirrhosis six years ago, and now this past month a sister has been diagnosed with cirrhosis as well.

And I wonder why I am alone, depressed, gaining weight, and have no hope for relationships. DUH.

Anyway, no real reason for me to be here, but just a place where I knew I could whine safely. Thanks.

candi7

Well, you've certainly found a great place for support... Al anon is great too. I'm so grateful to be sober and this reminds me why i hate alcohol soo much!

BlueSkies1

You do have hope not to be alone and to have relationships. Seek "normal" people and ye shall find.
As you are not responsible for others drinking, so they are not responsible for your relationships that you do or don't form outside of them.
I hear your pain that you are surrounded by so much dysfunction, but it isn't the alcoholics in your life fault that you don't have a romantic partner.
I hope you are successful at seeking and finding healthy people to be a part of your life soon!

Impurrfect

So sorry for all that's going on in your life, but really glad you found your way back here

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

dandylion

Mightyqueen801, It is good to "meet" you. I have been on this board for only about a year.

My heart really goes out to you. If I were there with you, I would fix you some tea and let you have a huge cry in my lap!!

You must have had a lot of strength to cut her out of your life when you needed to. It sounds like you have hit a low point with the news about your sibling (understandably).

Even if we are surrounded on all sides by the dysfunction of others---remember that dysfunction is theirs--it is about them---NOT YOU! God made you as a unique beautiful spirit with every right to grow and be happy no matter what environment you are in. It is your birthright. You must honor your own heart and soul above all else.

I am glad you "checked in" here. Keep posting. You are not alone. We understand your pain.

I agree with the others--get around some healthy and happy people. It seems to be contagious. It has sure helped me in my dark times.

dandylion

NYCDoglvr

This is what the 12 Steps are for. Go to Al-anon and get a new life. I had to also get a lot of therapy to go forward after the split. One thing I knew was that I didn't want to pick another alcoholic so I had to learn listen, put myself first by thinking about what I needed and let go of outcomes. I chose Cognitive Therapy and it was a huge help .....

Hypatia

I am pleased to hear that you had a good experience with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is extremely popular here in Germany and will play a role in my husband's rehab therapy. I've gone through CBT a while back, over 20 years ago, and am considering a refresher for myself.

So here's another person who has found CBT helpful.

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MightyQueen, I look forward to reading more posts from you.

Mightyqueen801

LOL, no I didn't say that it was.

I don't have a romantic partner for a number of reasons, but if I wanted one, I could get one easily--I'd just have to go to a local bar! I have always been able to attract alcoholic men far easier than any other kind.

But I'm not ever going there ever again!

That's more or less what I meant. I have never had any other opportunities for dating other than alcoholics. Had no dates in high school or any interest in me from any man until I started hanging out at bars nor any interest from normal men after my divorce. I am not a particularly attractive woman, although I don't have to wear a bag over my head or anything, lol--I can achieve "presentable", but I am also overly tall--6'1". That's why I hung out with the drinkers--they simply were not as picky and judgmental. Even when I did some online dating after my divorce ten years ago, I'd find that even when my dates did not appear to be addicts at first, sooner or later there would turn out to be a Xanax addiction, or a phone call from a police station looking for a ride...I learned my lesson and just gave up. I'm 54 now and while I will always likely have sad moments about not being able to be loved, I have to accept it.

And I do do things to meet people--belong to a church and to a writers group. I work, which takes up most of my life, and I've raised a daughter and she's in her last year of college--at least my life has been worth something because of her.

I just posted because with this news about my sister I realized it never ends--there's always one more alcoholic standing in line. That will be the second sibling I lose to cirrhosis. There's one more who will probably follow one of these days, but he's only 45 yet.

And neither of my parents drank.

Mightyqueen801

Oh, I did seven years of therapy after I had the local boys in blue come and take out my husband. I didn't do so well with Al-Anon. Not that I don't believe it is helpful to some. It just wasn't a good fit for me.