Bluebonnet1

I blocked xabf's phone, but emailed him about coming to get his things. I opened up a huge can of worms! Now all he does is email me wanting to stop by and to talk. I've made the mistake of answering him a couple of times, even if it's just to say "leave me alone". I hate the perpetual guilt over shutting him out. He always asks how he can prove that he's getting better if I don't spend time with him. Now I'm starting to doubt everything because I'm lonely.
No need to acknowledge my stupidity. Just venting I guess

suki44883

Oh, they know just what buttons to push, don't they...the little sh*ts.

Learn2Live

I've found it's best for me to maintain the strictest No Contact as I possibly can. I've also found it is best for me to keep complete control of what happens in my home. This means AXBF is forbidden to come here at all. Yes, some of the crap he left here is still in the shed and garage but I have decided that I will handle how it is going to be removed. I haven't decided that yet but will soon. If it were a small amount of stuff, I would send an email that says, "I'm putting your stuff on the curb on this date, at this time. If you want it, come get it."

itsmylifenow

First, can I say that we have all been where you are? These A's have a way of sneaking back into our life, even though we have the best intentions of keeping them out. They don't make it easy!

I have beat myself up more than once for breaking NC because I'd thought it was something important or it would only open the door a smidge temporarily, only to find it literally broke the door off the hinges!

Best you can do is finish up whatever business you need to and try again. I've never had NC work for me the first time around. It's often taken quite a few rounds before it finally sticks.

Stay strong!

ZiggyB

You could just mail him his stuff, that's what I ended up doing. I guess if it was a lot of stuff that might not work but hey, there's always UPS. :P

Bluebonnet1

I still have a room full of his daughter's things, and he told me tonight that she's been asking about me a lot. He stopped by 10 min after I'd sent this. I gave him all of her shoes that I'd put in a bag, but realized that with school starting, I need to pack up her clothes as well.

And thanks, itsmylifenow. I appreciate that I can come on here and people don't beat me up for being human. I admire all of you who've found the strength to stick it out.

AlcoholicLove

I'm going into my 5th week of NC and yes, it's really, really hard and very lonely....just try to take it one day at a time.

What is he doing to "get better"?

Bluebonnet1

He claims he's going to AA meetings and meeting with his prayer partner at the church. Since he's fighting a DUI, I'm sure the meetings are self serving at best. He still hasn't been able to get his own place bc his credit is so bad, so him and his daughter will both be back to living with his mom ( exactly where they were when I met him)!

TakingCharge999

If you have a common friend, give the stuff to him/her and let them sort it out.

It also took many rounds for me to respect No contact. Some years later and still witnessing the suffering of family and friends of addicts, I do not regret my decision one bit.

It took what it took for me to realize
-that he was indeed an active addict
-that he was not going to change, and that it would take at least a year to see any kind of indication of recovery
-that I deserved other things in life, not only constant stress and tears

NYCDoglvr

I can relate to that. Here's a useful saying: "feelings aren't facts". Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It's not about stupidity it's about denial. It took me a long time too.